Category Archives: Sports

Baseball, Sean from Massapequa

Sean from Massapequa: The PSL Report

Today I chat with Sean from Massapequa once again, as we discuss his trip to Port St. Lucie and his overall impressions of the Mets’ chances this year.

seanfrommassapequa.jpg
First off, I’m disappointed that you didn’t come to do an audio interview with me on Holy Goddamn!

Hey, I just got a brand new pre-owned Ford Escort, and I ain’t takin that thing into the city. I’d ruin the shocks on all the potholes.

There’s not a lot of potholes in my neighborhood.

Okay, well, between you and me, I got a coupla outstandin parkin tickets in Queens.

How many is a couple?

Thirty-seven, give or take.

So pay them and you don’t have to worry about it.

What, I don’t give the city enough money already?! When I’m doin a job in the city, I spend at least $5 on lunch every day. I pump capital into the local economy! I do my part!

Fine, forget it. Let’s move on to the matter at hand. How was Port St. Lucie?

That’s kind of a thorny subject. See, I was asked to leave Port St. Lucie–and I want this clear, I was not kicked out, I was asked to leave. But the city promised not to press charges for unnamed offenses if I didn’t talk about my time in the town. All’s I gotta say is, they got a strict dress code down there. If you go, make sure you bring pants.

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Baseball, Inappropriate Walkup Music 2009

Inappropriate Walk Up Music: 03.19.09

santo-shea.jpgFor previous Inappropriate Walk Up Music posts, click here.

Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up
music.

These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.

Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:

* “Feather of Forgiveness”, Polvo
Remember Polvo? No? Am I the only one? Okay, they were on Merge in the early 90s, and they were kinda awesome. This ditty lives in my top-ten best Fuck You Songs of all time.

* “Magic Word”, Fucked Up
I played this song in Holy Goddamn! 004, and it definitely rocks. But these guys kinda scare me. The leader singer looks like a super-violent version of Tim Harrington, which is almost too frightening to contemplate.

* “Bitches Brew”, Miles Davis
One day, Major League Baseball will allow someone to come to bat to a 17-minute jazz fusion epic. I hope I live to see that day.

Baseball, Inappropriate Walkup Music 2009

Inappropriate Walk Up Music: 03.18.09

santo-shea.jpgFor previous Inappropriate Walk Up Music posts, click here.

Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up
music.

These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.

Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:

* “Fuck the Pain Away”, Peaches.
This would be especially inappropriate if, as you come up to bat, they play this video on the Jumbotron.

* “The Red Telephone”, Love
I went through a very rough patch in my life where I listened to Forever Changes at least once a day. In case you don’t know, Forever Changes was the result of Love frontman Arthur Lee realizing in 1967 that all the hippies were full of shit and that the Summer of Love would soon spiral into violence and horror. So he freaked out and convinced himself that he was gonna die at a criminally young age. To counteract the intense depressitude of this album, I would listen to Ted Leo’s The Tyrrany of Distance. This is the oral equivalent of doing a fistful of ‘ludes and following it up with some crank. And it’s about as healthy for you, too.

* “Puss”, Jesus Lizard
Or substitute any other Jesus Lizard song. They’re all equally inappropriate, especially when accompanied by “The Tight and Shiny”.