Category Archives: Cinematics

Death Drive for QT

It began with Paul Dano, of course. Late in 2025, Quentin Tarantino made a podcast appearance in which he trashed that actor’s thespian abilities, firing shots that were as baffling and unprovoked as they were mean spirited. Like many people, my initial reaction to Tarantino’s slam was “fuck that guy,” less out of love or defense of Dano than in condemning the audio equivalent of a sucker punch. Unlike most people, my next move was to watch a completely forgotten time capsule of a film, 1995’s Destiny Turns on the Radio. This movie was a relic from the first Clinton term with a small role for Tarantino. The temptation to compare his acting chops against Dano’s was the main reason for revisiting it. Another reason was I hate myself, apparently.

I say “revisit” the film even though I had not previously seen it, because I might as well have seen it when it was first released. Destiny invoked a pop culture moment indelibly imprinted on my psyche: the immediate post-Pulp Fiction years, when Hollywood scrambled to exploit the sudden popularity of both Tarantino’s cool, ultra-violent aesthetic and Tarantino himself as a personality. Though his screen time in Destiny is not significant, the trailer overemphasized his presence and was soundtracked by a replacement level surf rock song so close to “Misirlou” (the song that famously runs over the opening credits of Pulp Fiction) it could have sued Dick Dale for paternity. Commercials for Destiny ran incessantly on late night cable during shows like 120 Minutes and Mystery Science Theater 3000 that appealed to a young hip audience of presumed Tarantino fans. 

Then Destiny flopped at the box office and was never mentioned again, except in the sort of intrusive thoughts that I experience, when an old TV show theme song or commercial will ring in my head for days on end. I’ve forgotten the names of most of my high school teachers but if you woke me in the middle of the night I could recite several Tootsie Pop jingles for you. 

Thirty years after I had taken note of Destiny, I found watching this movie a draining experience. This was not because it sucked, though it did, but because the way in which it sucked was so aggressively 1990s, so reminiscent of the air of my own youth, that it felt like having pictures from my teens shoved under my nose so I could cringe at the old fashions. 

It also served as a reminder that I once loved, if not the man himself, then certainly what Tarantino’s films represented. The “indie” film revolution of the early 1990s and its mythology around self-taught filmmakers could not have been better timed for me, an impressionable high school aged kid who found it genuinely inspiring that Tarantino had educated himself as a video store clerk rather than at a fancy film school. I don’t know how I first heard of Reservoir Dogs (my dad’s slavish devotion to The New York Times and its Arts section was the most likely culprit) but I rented it from the local video store with upsetting regularity and would talk it up to whoever would listen. Its mixture of off color humor, random pop culture references, and unfettered violence truly felt revelatory at that moment, especially before I had a chance to watch the older movies from which it had kited its scenes and vibes. When Pulp Fiction proved a monster success, it felt like a validation of my early adoption. I am not absolutely sure I saw Jackie Brown on opening day but that’s definitely what I would have wanted to do back then, so let’s just say I did. 

Then the love faded. As often happens with a faded love there was no single inciting incident but a series of small disappointments that chipped away at the affection. There is the matter of Tarantino the public figure, who loves to take embarrassing contrarian stances, such as his decades-long defense of using the N-word at wholesale volume in his movies. He also lashes out at any critic who dares to take issue with any of his films, sometimes with physical violence, in a way that became more like bullying the higher his star rose. More recently, his steadfast approval of Israel despite the genocide in Gaza was yet another reminder that Gen X’s cultural icons have a terrible moral batting average. There’s a few Real Ones still out there to be sure, but in total they’re hitting well below the Mendoza line. 

Come the 2000s, Tarantino no longer seemed necessary to me, cinematically speaking, especially when he was leaning heavily into a grindhouse revivalism that left me cold. I have watched the films he’s made this century out of a sense of completism more than any other impulse. Some I’ve enjoyed, and none are bad films if I’m being honest, but their Easter eggs and endless references (most annoyingly to his own films ) can make the end products feel less like art and more like tracing.

Despite the break I thought I’d made with Tarantino, the cringe I felt while watching Destiny nagged at me. The affected quirks of the film were all too familiar to me because they evoked the memory of many more films from that era, whose existences I recalled vividly in trailer form. After Pulp Fiction, the major studios rushed out anything that could possibly be described as Tarantino-esque, stories about cool dudes doing crimes, sharing pop culture non sequiturs, getting philosophical about their lives of danger while firing their guns sideways in slo-mo. 

I convinced myself there was a retroactive microgenre here, a la Yacht Rock, a form of art everyone was making at a very specific time and place without realizing they were making it. I refreshed my memory about the films that might be considered Tarantino Ripoffs and watched as many as I could find and stomach. Some were awful and some were decent, while the majority settled in the Meh pile, as most things do. Despite the initial impulse that led me to watch Destiny, my intent was not to take Tarantino down a peg through his imitators, a thoroughly unfair pursuit; Bob Dylan shouldn’t have to answer for every bad poet who picked up a guitar and harmonica. Rather, my intent was to examine the mid- to late 90s mini-moment in film that Tarantino inspired, to define these movies’ identifying quirks, to examine if they had any redeeming features, and to see how close they came to the original article. 

The longer I ran this gauntlet, however, the harder it was to separate my conclusions about these movies from those about Tarantino himself and the generation to which he belongs. In the spirit of the aesthetics of the time, I’ll show the ending now and work my way through my process afterwards. The achilles heel of Tarantino and Gen X writ large is that the ideal they hold higher than any other is the maintenance of Being Cool, and evangelizing for Cool. As it turns out, this is a very shaky foundation on which to rest your personal ethos.


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What The Woody Allen Scandal Means For Me, A Very Important Writer

Surely no one wished to be in Woody Allen’s shoes when Dylan Farrow’s new accusations came to light earlier this week. But I assure you, gentle reader, neither did you wish to be me, a Very Important Writer, at that moment. For the news sent me into the kind of turgid self-examination and moral reassessment known only to Very Important Writers, the men to whom the world looks for guidance.

As you are no doubt wondering, how does an allegation of pedophilia make me, a Very Important Writer, feel? As shocking as it may sound to you, this is not a question I could answer immediately.

Foremost on my mind when hearing of Dylan Farrow’s tale of unconscionable sexual abuse and violation of trust was, of course, how would I enjoy Woody Allen’s films again? Could I restrict my enjoyment to one viewing of Annie Hall while sitting on an uncomfortable chair as penance? Would it be more prudent of me to watch his more difficult films such as Interiors instead? It was a quandary not to be considered lightly, and a burden that only I, a Very Important Writer, should be asked to bear.

You can be sure that when I, a Very Important Writer, heard this news, it caused me to pace about my brownstone, lost in the recesses of my Very Important Thoughts. The walls of my humble $3.5 million home soon grew too confining. I phoned up a Very Important Writer friend of mine, but he was busy preparing for the Bread Loaf Conference, and of course also preoccupied pondering the same questions about Woody Allen’s work as I. Could we ever enjoy Allen’s films again, he wondered, and if so what would be a respectable time to wait to do so? We reassured each other that we, two Very Important Writers, should be able to solve these dilemmas in our own due time.

Hoping to clear my head, I took a stroll around my colorful Brooklyn neighborhood, peering in the window of the antique shops and the coffee shops and the charming bistro that used to be a laundromat. I stopped at my favorite watering hole and sipped a 12-year-old scotch while exchanging pleasantries about a local sports team with the ruddy-faced barkeep. I sought solace in a delightful ethnic snack from a food cart while trying out snatches of Catalan I learned during one torrid summer in Barcelona. I believe I made myself understood, for all the deficiencies in my accent, and the considerable drawback that the delightful ethnic snack’s vendor was not from anywhere near Catalonia.

And as I ran across these people, I tried not to burden them with my own burden. To do so would have been unfair, for it is a burden they could not possibly have understood, no matter how much my soul yearned to cry out, You do not understand the grief Dylan Farrow’s lost childhood has caused me, a Very Important Writer.

I returned to my home, which began to seem very much like a prison to me. A prison with an ample garden and vintage pressed tin ceilings, but a prison nonetheless. The latest issue of The New Yorker was waiting in my mailbox, but it gave me no succor, despite a fascinating feature on the oldest bookbinder in Northampton. Nor did I find any relief in a sojourn through an advance reader’s copy of Franzen’s latest, The Tepids of Winona.

Alas, it is only in work that a Very Important Writer can find peace. We are much like the ant in that sense, or the miner, or the humble mechanic who toils on my Audi. And so I resolved to document my inner turmoil, because I wanted you, gentle reader, to know that even I, a Very Important Writer, can not answer every question. I must press forward nonetheless, though I can think of no person who has been hurt more by what Dylan Farrow was subjected to than I, a Very Important Writer.

¡Charlie Cubeta y la Fábrica de Chocolate!

My kid loves to watch movies in Spanish. Not Spanish language movies, but movies she’s already committed to memory with the Spanish audio track turned on. And now that she’s learning to read, she likes to see the Spanish subtitles, too.

I can’t tell you exactly why she likes to do this, but like most of her weirdness, it’s probably my fault. For years, I would bug my wife with questions about how to say this, that, and the other thing in Spanish. As an alternate means to expand my vocabulary, one meant to prevent my wife from murdering me, I began to watch Simpsons DVDs with the Spanish audio track on and Spanish subtitles. This was where I learned such valuable words as chuleta, salchicha, and trasero.

I’m sure my kid saw me doing this at some point in her formative years, because when she was very little, “Simpsons” was her catch-all word for “cartoons.” Now, she now gets really annoyed if she’s watching a DVD only to discover it doesn’t have a Spanish language track. Between DVDs, DVRs, and OnDemand, she lives in a world that denies her nothing. Healthy!

As I am still learning Spanish myself, I’ve been encouraging this curious proclivity of hers. The Harry Potter films are the ones she likes to watch in Spanish most often. (This is how I learned that cicatriz is scar and varita is wand; “muggle” is still “muggle.”) But last night, she asked to watch Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in Spanish. To call this an experience would be a gross understatement.

Here are some highlights of the bilingual discoveries I made while viewing this classic film en español.

  • Willy Wonka’s Spanish subtitles translated “scrumdiddlyumptious” as “rechupeteanchus.” The audio had a completely different nonsense word that I couldn’t discern because I was laughing too hard.
  • The lyrics to the songs were all rewritten and performed anew. Grandpa Joe’s big number, “I’ve Got a Golden Ticket,” became a tune called “Tengo un billeto de oro.”
  • Charlie Bucket = Charlie Cubeta
  • Augustus Gloop = Augustus Gluton
  • Veruca Salt has a different name, too, but I couldn’t make it out. Also, I distinctly heard her introduce herself to Willy Wonka as Veronica Something, even though Wonka immediately uses Veruca when addressing her.

One thing that suffers in the translation is Willy Wonka himself. As far as I’m concerned, Gene Wilder is responsible for everything great about this movie, and removing his voice from the equation robs the film of some of that greatness.

However, there is one scene in the Spanish version that stands alone. It doesn’t surpass the original, but rather tears a whole in its reality and creates a new, terrifying universe unto itself.

I am speaking of the ultra-creepy boat scene. I will not attempt to capture exactly why this is so much more unsettling in Spanish. It defies explanation, and is something you need to experience. Think this scared the crap out of you before? That’s nothing compared to this. Once I saw it, my life was transformed, and now yours will be, too.