Did you know Cal Ripken saved baseball? Really, he saved baseball. I know that’s not the way you remember it happening at the time, but some guy showing up every day saved baseball. Just keep repeating it, Cal
Ripken saved baseball. What, you still don’t believe Cal Ripken saved baseball? Okay, you’re gonna need to go to one of Bud Selig’s reeducation camps.- Every single non-Yankee fanbase is long-suffering and star-crossed.
- The explosion of steroid use in baseball can be traced solely to Fay Vincent’s overzealousness in pursuing the “epidemic” of recreational drug use, which was in turn caused by the the journalistic epidemic of insisting that recreational drug use in sports was an epidemic.
- Collusion? I’m sorry, you must be thinking of a word that doesn’t exist.
- Joe Torre is largely responsible for the turnaround in George Steinbrenner’s reputation, which is a good thing for some unspecified reason.
- The wild card added more excitement to the game by adding another round to the playoffs. You’ll have to take our word on this, because we won’t be showing any footage from these playoffs.
- Only the 1996 Yankees actually won the World Series. Every other “championship” team just lost theirs so some anonymous opponent could reap the undeserved reward (see: 2001 Diamondbacks, 2003 Marlins).
- Kevin Millar is much more responsible for the 2004 Red Sox’ historic comeback than all the other guys on the team who were actually good at baseball.
- On the one hand, baseball had no serious anti-PED policy until 20 years into the so-called steroid era, and it can not be conclusively said steroids are the sole reason for the offensive explosion of the 1990s. On the other hand, HOME RUNS ARE SACRED AND WHENEVER YOU INJECT STEROID PILLS, BABY JESUS WEEPS HOLY BABY TEARS!
- After the terrorist attacks of September 11, the Yankees’ postseason exploits lifted the hearts of their fans, who before then had almost no media exposure and very little to cheer for.
- Nothing else baseball-related happened in New York, post-9/11 that might have helped people cope. Also, we have always been at war with Eurasia.
- The only thing more disturbing than Jon Miller saying “VORP” and “OPS” over and over again with contempt and confusion would be if he said it while wearing clown makeup.
- Barry Bonds’ titanic home runs are sadly tainted, while David Ortiz’s remain free of suspicion.
- There may have been some teams other than the Yankees and Red Sox in Major League Baseball in the 1990s and 2000s, but Ken Burns’ instruments are not fine enough to capture them.
- Bud Selig has done an excellent job on curtailing all of the terrible things he let happen under his watch for a few decades.
- Jeffrey Maier? Who’s that?
- You know that fantastic, unbelievable thing your favorite team did that blew your mind and reaffirmed your love of the game? Yeah, we don’t have that. Bob Costas needs the air time.
Category Archives: Boob Tubery
FOX News Denies Responsibility for Burglary
NEW YORK–FOX News chairman Roger Ailes denied that the network bore any responsibility for the burglary of the Ames, Iowa home of Frank Smith on Sunday. The denial came despite the fact that for the last two weeks, several FOX News hosts had wondered aloud if Smith’s house should be broken into.
“We are simply reporting the news,” Ailes told reporters. “The debate over whether or not to ransack Mr. Smith’s house is raging right now, and we would be remiss in our duties as journalists if we didn’t discuss this issue on our programs.”
Critics charge that FOX News is virtually the only network to treat the potential burglarizing of Mr. Smith’s house as a political issue. They also note that even fewer news organizations have given detailed instructions on how the house might be broken into.
For instance, the morning show Fox and Friends broadcast from outside Smith’s home, making note of exactly when he left for work and how long he’d be there. Glenn Beck sketched out a detailed schematic on his chalkboard, pinpointing the house’s major entry points and where some of the more valuable items could be located. Sean Hannity and guest Newt Gingrich discussed at length the shift schedules of the local police department, noting when law enforcement would be least equipped to respond to an emergency.
“Go back and look at the tapes,” a defensive Bill O’Reilly insisted. “Nobody on this network has ever said Smith’s house should be broken into. We’re just talking about what everyone else is talking about! Oh, by the way, he doesn’t lock his garage either. And sometimes he’ll leave the keys to his Civic in one of the drawers of his tool bench.”
Other news networks have been measured in their criticism. “On the one hand, FOX News clearly baited the public, then tried to act innocent,” said CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer. “You could even make a case that some of their on-air personalities could be charged as accessories to this crime. On the other hand, we have to pretend there’s another side to this issue for some reason.”
The incident is similar to one from 2005, when FOX News devoted a week of programming to giving out several thousand social security numbers, while debating exactly what could be done with them.
A Faceplant for All Seasons
It was, for the most part, a weekend to forget for the Mets. Particularly Sunday, when Jon Niese, Elmer Dessens, and Oliver Perez conspired to make a mockery of any Belief in Comebacks. As far as playoff dreams go, I am a die-harder. If fandom were World War II, I’d be one of those guys still hiding in a cave in the South Pacific with grenades 20 years later. But this weekend was the straw that broke this camel’s back. I’ve passed from disgust to acceptance of yet another lost season.
However, there is one thing I will take with me from this otherwise soul crushing series against the Diamondbacks. During Friday night’s comeback win that wasn’t, at the conclusion of the sixth inning, SNY cut from the action on the field to the Shea Bridge in centerfield. Then, as the kids say, hilarity ensued.
If the 2010 Mets give me nothing else–and all signs point to them giving me nothing else–they will have given me this.