Category Archives: Boob Tubery

Boob Tubery

Extreme Couponing Induces Extreme Vomiting

6 Comments

This weekend I saw TLC’s Extreme Couponing for the first time. It may be the worst show on TV. By that I mean, the worst for humanity. It is simultaneously the saddest and most infuriating thing I’ve ever seen. If you told me Werner Herzog directed this thing, I wouldn’t bat an eye.

I concede that other people may not feel the same vitriol when viewing Extreme Couponing that I do. Because when I heard the phrase “extreme couponing,” I thought of my mother and grandmother.

In my childhood, both of them obsessively clipped coupons and shared them on a daily basis. My mom did it because my dad drank himself into unemployment and money was scarce; if we did not have a coupon for something or it was not on sale, we did not buy it. My grandmother couponed because she had the prototypical Survivor of The Depression/World War II’s view of saving money, combined with the need to stretch every cent in retirement. She had two pantries in her house filled with non-perishables, each item bearing ballpoint notation of the retail cost, with careful subtraction of how much she saved. Mom and grandmom* both had little coupon boxes they would take to Shop-Rite, organized with alphabetic tabs, so an appropriate coupon could be located at a moment’s notice.

* We actually called her Nanny, but I thought that would appear precious when written down and would also cause the reader to confuse her with the faceless caretaker from Muppet Babies.

But it turns out my mom and grandmother were rank amateurs. They are put to shame by the people on Extreme Couponing. Actually, I think the Extreme Couponers put themselves to shame.

Here are the five worst things about this show, other than everything:

  1. There is virtually no such thing as a coupon for decent food. There are no coupons for “bananas” or “organic chicken” or “fresh vegatables”. These extreme couponers are stocking up almost exclusively on packaged or frozen food, loaded with preservatives, salt, hormones, and a billion other horrible things. It’s all Franken-food, the absolute worst shit imaginable. Not a lot of salad in these people’s shopping carts, but a whole lot of things stuffed with cheese and/or skewered on sticks.
  2. The goal for most of these people appears to be not feeding/supplying their families, but accumulating the most stuff for as little money as possible, then shoving those things into every corner of their house, then building more corners in their house into which things can be stuffed. The line between “extreme couponer” and “hoarder” is extremely thin–if such a line exists.
  3. Many of the people featured on the show credit God with giving them this extreme couponing “blessing” or “talent.” If you’re in a situation where extreme couponing is an economic necessity, thanking God for giving you this “gift” seems like thanking God for not burning down your house.
  4. The use of “rockin” incidental music that stands in sharp contrast the banality and sadness of the deeds actually performed. There are few things sadder than watching someone dump 60 jars of mayonnaise into a shopping cart, except when it is accompanied by some sweet guitar riffs.
  5. A disturbing number of people on this show pronounce coupon as “cyupon,” which goes through me like a knife.

Continue reading Extreme Couponing Induces Extreme Vomiting →

Boob Tubery

Charlie Sheen Is Mentally Ill. What’s Your Excuse?

I succeeded in not seeing Two and a Half Men for a very long time. I try not to judge things I haven’t experienced, but this was one of those rare instances where pre-judging seemed not only okay, but wise.

Some time last summer, I found myself in a Strauss waiting room as I got a new set of front tires. (Nothing’s too good for my 12-year-old Hyundai.) The TV in the waiting room was showing Two and a Half Men, and there was no way to turn it off or mute it. So I wound up consuming an entire episode. It was everything I thought it was and less.

It’s not so much that Two and a Half Men was unfunny, though it certainly was that. The show seemed to come from some place damaged and cynical. It wasn’t a comedy so much as a joke delivery system, as brutal and automated as a slaughterhouse. It was not created to be enjoyed, but accepted. The creators all but came out and said, Here’s some more slop, you pigs.

No wonder that Charlie Sheen lasted on the show for so long, even when committing heinous acts that get most people serious jail time. He was perfectly suited for a show that is a sitcom shell wrapped around professional contempt for the masses.

Charlie Sheen is mentally ill, seriously so. I have no doubt of that. He’s not ill to the point that he shouldn’t be held accountable for his actions, but he is ill enough that he’s incapable of getting help completely on his own. This should not be made light of, especially when such illness manifests itself in domestic violence.

And yet, somehow Charlie Sheen’s insane rants made him not a figure to be scorned or pitied, but cheered. His mantra of WINNING–clearly the last furtive sparks from his remaining, dying synapses–has already been beaten into the ground as an internet meme. He’s even been hailed as some sort of badass antihero by the Maxim/Axe Body Spray contingent because he does tons of blow and has lots of consequence-free sex with a porn stars, a notion crazier than Sheen himself.

Sheen is a vile human being. I have zero respect for someone who would kidnap a woman or threaten his spouse with a knife. But I think at least on some level, he can’t help it. Whether it’s chemical imbalance, dangerous levels of self delusion, the product of a Hollywood upbringing, or years of cocaine abuse, his brain does not function properly.

But most people’s brains do function properly. So why are we cheering on this monster? Why are we elevating his evasion of responsibility and judgment into a rallying cry for douchebags everywhere? (WINNING!) Even if you’re doing it ironically, you’re enabling him and giving him exactly what he wants: the validation needed to be a sociopath. It’s like handing matches and gasoline to a pyromaniac.

Is it because celebrity shenanigans are supposed to be funny? It seems like we put every famous person’s transgression on the same plane, and our reactions to them are always the same, that leering, Jay Leno-esque tone of Didja see what Madonna did yesterday? As if their sole purpose in life is to do something dumb so that we can mock them from down below. But when we do this, we equate, say, a Kardashian sex tape or a Lady Gaga meat dress with what Charlie Sheen has done in his life–particularly what he’s done to women. I find that sort of thinking morally bankrupt.

Mel Gibson–another man who is probably not right in the head–has no career, for all intents and purposes, because of hideously racist statements he made. And that’s perfectly fine by me. But whereas Gibson simply said horrible things, Sheen actually abused women. In the final analysis, which of these is worse? And yet, which one of these men is more likely to work again? The one who threatened the mother of his children with a knife but came up with the “hilarious” catchphrase WINNING.*

*UPDATE: As @metsgrrl pointed out, Mel Gibson actually did abuse his significant other. But the fact that we’ve all but forgotten that illustrates how easy it is to get away with violence against women.

Unless you are just as sick as Charlie Sheen, you have no excuse for celebrating him, and maybe you do deserve slop like Two and a Half Men.

Boob Tubery, Parental Guidance

Adventure Time: Another Peak of Kid-Show-Dom

2 Comments

adventuretime.pngI believe we are in the midst of a Kids’ Show Golden Age. Granted, I often bitch about children’s fare on this site, but that’s the product of having to watch the same damn shows over and over, the accursed Groundhog’s Day scenario that afflicts all parents at some point. Regardless, when I was a little shaver, there was virtually nothing but garbage on TV kids. Nowadays, there are some bonafide masterpieces aimed exclusively at children.

I’ve written in the past of my love for Flapjack, Phineas and Ferb, and Yo Gabba Gabba (easily the best toddler-oriented TV show ever, non-Sesame Street edition). All of these shows have a certain amount of anarchic weirdness that can tickle the funny bones of both kids and adults. I wrote about them because I fear adults without little kids in their lives may miss out on treasures like these that would be right up their alleys. And I am doing so again, because I have recently discovered a show that can easily stand among these giants: Adventure Time.

Adventure Time, which debuted on Cartoon Network about a year ago, stars Finn, a young lad who longs to be a hero, and his best friend, Jake, a magical dog (voiced by John DiMaggio, better known as Bender on Futurama). Together, they roam the enchanted land of Ooo fighting all manner of evil.

Most of the plots revolve around Finn and his strict, self-applied codes of honor and chivalry, coupled with Jake’s love of doing nothing at all. Such as an episode in which Finn vows to rescue a little girl’s stolen flowers from the infamous City of Thieves, even though he is warned repeatedly by an annoying old crone that no one can enter the city and not become a thief. While Finn valiantly tries to rescue the flowers as they are literally being stolen anew every two seconds, Jake dives right into the city’s thieving ways, swiping a sweet pair of boots, just because.

Tellingly, Adventure Time was created by a former Flapjack animator, Pendleton Ward. It shares with Flapjack a crazed energy, warped universe, and unique style. Finn and Jake’s limbs wobble and extend at will, almost like ancient Disney cartoons. The landscapes through which they travel are just as mutable, liable to change at a moment’s notice. As Robert Lloyd put it in the Los Angeles Times, Adventure Time resembles “the sort of cartoons they made when cartoons themselves were young and delighted in bringing all things to rubbery life.”

In the context of the show, virtually anything can happen. New characters and wondrous lands are introduced in almost every episode, as befits a show that revolves around magic and adventuring, though there are recurring characters. Like the Ice King, an angry monarch with a penchant for kidnapping princesses. Or Lady Rainicorn, Jake’s girlfriend, a unicorn with a rainbow tail who speaks through a voice box interpreter (which usually only broadcasts in Korean). Or Marceline the Vampire Queen, who loves to play bass and hungers not so much for blood as the color red.

I should also mention that it is laugh-out-loud funny. Take, for example, an episode where Finn spares some sugar for a poor beggar who turns out to be a Magic Man. The Magic Man horrifies Finn and Jake by turning a bird inside out, then does Finn a “mystical magical favor” by transforming him into a giant foot. “Today a magical life lesson comes to you!” he insists, though the lesson itself is far from clear. Finn demands to be returned back to normal, but the Magic Man refuses–“Not until you appreciate what a jerk I am!”–and disappears in a burst of fireworks that spell out EAT IT.

I am also greatly amused by another episode in which Finn tries to help a whiny talking mountain who is upset because he is forced to watch a nearby town of “roughhousing marauders.” Finn tries to mute the bad guys’ roughhousing by tying animals to all of the bad guys, which only bothers the mountain more. (“That was terrible! Now the men are just punching animals!”) You won’t soon forget the sight of tough guys with mice and cats strapped to their fists punching each other.

I’m just scratching the surface here, and I also fear these descriptions make the show seem saner than it is. Adventure Time is straight-up bonkers in the best, most organic way possible. It can’t really be understood unless experienced, because it truly is an experience. It’s unlike almost anything else on TV, kid- or adult-oriented. It could definitely slot into the Adult Swim lineup, alongside Aqua Teen Hunger Force et al, and not seem out of place at all.

The show’s tone and philosophy is probably best understood by this bit of dialogue, which comes at the end of one episode where Finn and Jake had adventured their way into and out of trouble:

JAKE: Let’s never be stupid again.

FINN: No, let’s always be stupid–forever!