Monthly Archives: July 2009

Cinematics

Big Fan: Let’s Start Buzzin’

Oh no, I’m not gonna let the last thing I post today be that screeching harpy hose-beast. Let’s end this Wednesday on a positive note, eh what?

Big Fan hits (some) theatres next month. A trailer for it was just released yesterday, and it makes the film look every bit as amazing I thought it would be the first time I heard about it.

Why will this film be awesome? Because it’s written and directed by Robert Siegel, the scribe behind The Wrestler and a former writer for The Onion. Because it looks like the first film to fully plunge the pathetic depths of sports talk show callers and obsessive sports fans in general. Because it portrays a blue-collar slob with a dead end job and a sad life but doesn’t plumb his predicament for yuks.

And because that slob protagonist is played by Patton Oswalt. If Ratatouille was Patton’s break-out role, he must’ve gone back to jail, because he’s ready to bust out all over again.

In other words, I have no reason to think this movie will be anything other than brilliant. But you don’t have to take my word for it. That’s why God invented high-definition trailers.

Politics Schmolitics

The Self-Delusion Express Rolls On!

The tweeting of James Urbaniak (aka Dr. Venture) alerted me to this tweet from the soon-to-be-ex-governor of Alaska. For the full effect, I think you need to see how this tweet looks all by itself, standing alone in all its glory.

palintweet.jpgYes, the work ethic is certainly there in Alaska. Ain’t no quitters in Alaska! Except for maybe one repeat offender.

There are amoebas with more self-awareness than this broad. The only three things in this creep’s universe are Me, Myself, and I. She’d plunge herself into a pool of toxic waste if it got her three extra minutes of news coverage.

And just take a look at that wallpaper. Somewhere there is a “Footprints” poster with no background. I think that scene comes from Microsoft Clip Art; search for “Decorative Plate”.

If you really want a scare, read Todd Purdum’s Vanity Fair article on this monster, and think about how close we came to her being one heartbeat away from the presidency. We dodged a bullet, folks. A proudly ignorant, narcissistic, sociopathic bullet.

NYC

This Child MUST Make It to Day Camp, Come Hell or High Water!

This morning, at the corner of Flushing and Throop, I saw a dad pushing a stroller. The dad wore an aggressive-looking uniform with a shield-shaped badge on the shoulder that says SECURITY. Which could mean anything, of course. He could be on his way to guard a bank or a Chik-Fil-A. But he had the swagger of a man who is dangerous for a living. Shaved head, buff arms. Guy definitely looked intimidating.

But he was pushing a stroller. A very large stroller, with a very cute little girl in it. He was pushing it with one hand, which is not easy to do with those gigundo strollers. And from the look of his belt, he was pushing it with one hand so he could more easily reach the gun holstered at his hip, if need be.

All of this led me to believe that this was his job: protecting this toddler AT ALL COSTS. Like she had accidentally swallowed the key to the nuclear football, or she was born with a birthmark that spelled out the secret formula for time travel. Whatever the reason, this child needed to get where she was going, and FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION.

Which is as good an excuse as any to embed this Paul F. Tompkins video.

Jokes.com
Paul F. Tompkins – New Dads
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