Yesterday, a friend of mine asked if the douche from The Bachelor had a Twitter account. For reasons that are still unclear to me, I used this as a springboard to create a fake Twitter account for him. Of course, I could count the number of Bachelor episodes I’ve seen on one hand; most of my knowledge of the show has been gleaned from Best Week Ever. But when in doubt, make your target look like a loutish dolt. That’s my motto!

I was prepared to do this for weeks. I had plans. Ooooh, did I have plans. But then my lawyers (ie, The Wife) explained to me that I could have my account suspended and have all sorts of nasty things done to me. Having gone through account suspension in other online endeavors (eat shit and die, Roger Clemens), I decided I’d rather not risk my real Twitter account in order to slander someone I don’t even know.

I also didn’t want to risk the Twitter accounts of my contributors Sean from Massapequa and Skitch Hanson. Because they would be tainted by their very association with me! That is a risk I can not stomach!

But I thought you, the gentle reader, would like a retrospective of the brief, wondrous life of THE_REAL_BACH. Forgive me for presenting this in improper oldest-to-newest order. I think it flows better this way.

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