* Take diner scene from Reservoir Dogs, do find/replace: “Madonna” = “Andrews Sisters”, “Like a Virgin” = “Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree”

* Use big role in flick to revive career of one of the following: John Casale, Stacy Keach, Charles Nelson Reilly, Barbara Mandrell, Jim J. Bullock, Joey Heatherton, Peter Noone, Mitzi Gaynor

* Can Samuel L. Jackson play FDR? If not, must redo “Fireside Chat” scene, remove all instances of “motherfucker”.

* Create pointless affectations for Brad Pitt’s character: Southern accent? Pimp cane? Monocle? Infantry rifle covered in jewels?

* Just found out John Casale is dead; have Tina send flowers.

* For duration of film, Nazi will be pronouced Natt-see. Also, sandwich = sammich, toilet = turlet, and bird = boid. Hire Billy Crystal as a speech consultant.

* According to research, the Red Skull wasn’t real. May affect climactic battle scene in enormous poison-filled zeppelin floating over LA.

* Look at old flicks; have I lifted anything from Dario Argento yet? If so, did anyone notice?

* Must cast Hitler as mincing and ineffectual as possible.

* At 90 minute mark, insert 20-page rambling story from my My Box of Speeches That Will Grind Film to a Complete Halt.

* Must make movie bad-ass enough to overcome retarded title for final chapter, “Revenge of the Giant Face.”