Tag Archives: Sean from Massapequa

Baseball, Sean from Massapequa

Sean from Massapequa: Medic!

Today I welcome back Sean from Massapequa to talk about the recent rash of injuries and illnesses that have befallen the Mets.

seanfrommassapequa.jpgFirst off, I haven’t heard from you in a really long time. Not since your first game at CitiField. You haven’t been tweeting, either.

Yeah, I had to keep kind of a low profile online for a while. Somebody said I was harrassin em with email and slanderous Wikipedia rewrites…I probably shouldn’t talk about it too much.

Is it worse than what you did to get kicked out of Port St. Lucie?

That depends on your definition of worse.

Is it worse in the eyes of the law?

Oh yeah, definitely worse. All’s I gotta say is, Ricky Rachtman has no sense of humor.

Let’s move on to the Mets, who almost seem like they’re cursed right now. First Delgado needs hip surgery, then the entire team gets the flu. Now JJ Putz might need surgery and Reyes has a torn hamstring. How are you dealing with all of this?

I never expected nothin from Putz anyway. How can you count on good things from a guy with a name like that?

You mean…

I don’t trust nobody named JJ. He totally hijacked Good Times. I blame him for John Amos getting written off the show.

Oh, I thought you were gonna make some joke about his last name.

What about it? I guess it sounds kinda funny, but that’s just cuz it’s German. I mean, it ain’t like his last name is Dick or Cock or something.

Let’s just move on. What about Reyes? How long do you think he’s gonna be out?

He ain’t hurt, he’s just fakin it so he don’t have to play. He’s sulkin cuz they won’t let him dance on the bases no more. I heard he wanted to bring a choreographer into the dugout.

Where’d you hear that?

Francesa did four shows on it last week.

I’m pretty sure Reyes is really hurt. They did an MRI that showed he had a slightly torn hamstring.

You can fake an MRI result. I got a buddy that got injured on the job, but his boss wouldn’t believe him until he got it checked out. So he used this special magnet watchmacallit to mess with the machine. Not only did he get workman’s comp out of it, but they had to give him maternity leave, too.

How could that be possible?

Hey, I’m just tellin you what he told me. The guy had to go to Lamaze classes and stuff, but it was worth it.

It’s gonna be hard for the Mets to keep pace with the Phillies until Reyes and/or Delgado get back, if they ever do get back.

*pfft* The Phillies. Please. The Phillies stink.

They’ve won 7 games in a row.

That don’t mean nothin.

It kind of does. And they won the World Series last year.

No, they stink, and I’ll tell you why. Because Philadelphia stinks, and it will always be a second class city. New York is better in every single way. We got art, music, culture, diversity, life! This is the greatest city in the world!

So you go into the city a lot to take advantage of all those things?

You kiddin me? I ain’t drivin into the city! You get a $150 ticket just for lookin at a stop sign the wrong way.

You could always take the train.

Or I could French kiss a toilet. It’d be a lot faster way of gettin some horrible disease.

As always, thanks for joining us, Sean

The pleasure was all yours.

Baseball, Sean from Massapequa

Sean from Massapequa, on His Way to the Citi

seanfrommassapequa.jpgSean from Massapequa just texted me, and wanted me to inform all Scratchbomb readers that he will be tweeting throughout the evening as the Mets open up their new ballpark for the regular season. Last I heard, he still didn’t have a ticket, so I don’t know what to expect from his tweets. But if you want to see what transpires, follow him.

Speaking of which, I’ve already called the Opening Night Phenomenon an abomination in the eyes of god, and I think it’s doubly so that the Mets will inaugurate their new stadium with a night game. If anything opener should be a day game, it should be your first real game in your first real stadium.

Technically, the Mets didn’t have a much of a choice due to MLB rules that state a team can’t play a day game after flying from the West to East Coast. But that begs the question, why are the Mets playing the Padres in this historic game? Why not against a division rival? Or a former division rival, like the Cubs or Pirates?

The Mets are powerful enough in MLB, I would think, to make demands of The Almight Scheduler, if they chose to do so. They didn’t, so despite the league’s weird bureaucratic rules, I gotta lay the blame squarely on the Mets.

At least they didn’t push up the start time for a Flo Rida concert.

Baseball, Sean from Massapequa

Sean from Massapequa: The PSL Report

Today I chat with Sean from Massapequa once again, as we discuss his trip to Port St. Lucie and his overall impressions of the Mets’ chances this year.

seanfrommassapequa.jpg
First off, I’m disappointed that you didn’t come to do an audio interview with me on Holy Goddamn!

Hey, I just got a brand new pre-owned Ford Escort, and I ain’t takin that thing into the city. I’d ruin the shocks on all the potholes.

There’s not a lot of potholes in my neighborhood.

Okay, well, between you and me, I got a coupla outstandin parkin tickets in Queens.

How many is a couple?

Thirty-seven, give or take.

So pay them and you don’t have to worry about it.

What, I don’t give the city enough money already?! When I’m doin a job in the city, I spend at least $5 on lunch every day. I pump capital into the local economy! I do my part!

Fine, forget it. Let’s move on to the matter at hand. How was Port St. Lucie?

That’s kind of a thorny subject. See, I was asked to leave Port St. Lucie–and I want this clear, I was not kicked out, I was asked to leave. But the city promised not to press charges for unnamed offenses if I didn’t talk about my time in the town. All’s I gotta say is, they got a strict dress code down there. If you go, make sure you bring pants.

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