We are bu-HACK on The Fan, and my next guest is one of the greatest living American writers. One of the best. One of the legends. There are writers who are known as being great writers, and this is one of those writers. His name is Don DeLillo, and he’s got a great new novel out called Point Omega. Don, thanks for being on the show.
Thanks for having me, Mike, though I’m not quite sure why you wanted to speak with me…
Nonsense. I’m not just a sports guy. I know a lot about a lot of things, okay? You don’t get three number one shows by being a one-trick pony. I read, okay? I read books. I read a lot of books. I read a lot of printed material, material printed on paper. And your books are among the books I’ve read, and I enjoy them very much. I think you are one of the shining beacons of American letters, okay?
Wow, that’s very nice of you to say.
But I do have a bone to pick with you. In your 1997 masterpiece Underworld, you start out the novel with an extended set piece about the famous Shot Heard Round the World playoff game between the Dodgers and the Giants in 1951.
Yes, and?
And you make no mention of Mickey Mantle.
Continue reading Mike Francesa, Novel Critic
Tag Archives: mike francesa
Scratchbomb Salutes a True American Hero
As I wrote in a recent post, the word “hero” is thrown around a bit too freely in the sports world. However, I heard a true sports hero this weekend.
As I was scooting around on Super Bowl Sunday, I listened to Mike Francesa’s “The NFL Now” program in the car, because my brain hates my ears. My beef with Francesa is well documented. Up until this year, most of that beef was confined to his agenda-driven conduct during the baseball season. I still found his football work to be at least listenable.
But as the Jets made an improbable playoff run, he dismissed all of their accomplishments in the same snide, condescending manner he uses to talk about the Mets. When they made the postseason, it didn’t count because the Colts and Bengals didn’t try in weeks 16 and 17. When they beat the Bengals on the road, it was because of Cincinnati’s mistakes. When they beat the Chargers on the road, again it was no big deal the Jets had taken down one of the best offenses in the NFL on their home turf.
Did the Jets draw an enormous amount of luck to get as far as they did? Of course. But who cares? The sheer improbability of all should have been enjoyed for what it was by anyone unlike Francesa, who traffics in misery for a living. It was a sickening, transparent attempt to both tweak Jets fans and get fans of other teams to cheerlead him.
The most frustrating thing about Francesa is that his medium (radio) doesn’t allow for any kind of counterpoints he doesn’t want to hear. If he wrote for a newspaper or a web site, you could comment on his completely faulty reasoning. Instead, he only welcomes callers who will kiss his ring.
On the rare occasion someone who disagrees with him gets on the air, Francesa merely screams at the poor guy until he gives up. I heard one call a few weeks ago where a reasonable caller accused Francesa of discounting the Jets because he didn’t like them, and because their continued success made him look stupid. Francesa’s voice got louder and louder with each response, and his counterpoints made such insane logical leaps they could only be explained by quantum physics. Eventually, the man on the phone couldn’t get a word in edgewise and had to abandon ship.
Radio also being an ephemeral medium, Francesa doesn’t get called out when he makes off-the-cuff, borderline slanderous remarks. Or when he just gets things wrong, like mispronouncing the name of Colts head coach Jim Caldwell. Throughout the football season, Francesa has referred to the Indianapolis coach as CaRdwell. Not once, or twice, or even a few times. All season long.
But yesterday morning, some brave, genius soul managed to get on the air with Francesa. This man not only called him out on his idiocy, but also made Francesa look like even more of an imperious buffoon than usual, as he mumbled he didn’t “have time” to bother with getting Caldwell’s name right because it was early on a Sunday morning. Yes, you work a whole 30 hours a week–when could you possibly look up the actual name of the AFC champion’s coach?
God bless you, Rich in Massapequa. A man can stand up!
Hat tip to the hilarious @MikeFrancesaNY for the YouTube link.
Inside the Actors’ Studio with Mike Francesa
Welcome bu-hack to Inside the Actors’ Studio. I’m yaw host, Mike Francesa. In addition to knowing everything there is to know about spawts, I’m also a cineaste extraordinaire. This is the show where I tawk to some of the best actors in the history of Hollywood films. Some of the greats. Some of the legends. Some of the biggest stars. And I have one of em next to me right now. His name is Richard Dreyfuss. Richard, welcome to the program.
Thanks, Mike. I can hear you, but it’s hard to see you past this heaping mountain of snacks you have on the desk between us.I draw my strength from the aroma of unopened Malomars. Now, Richard, you’ve appeared in some of the biggest films of awl time. Some of the hugest films. Some of the real big ones. Which one was your favorite?Oh, it’s so hard to say. Movies are almost like your kids, you know: You love em all! Ha ha! There’s just…It’s Mr. Holland’s Opus, isn’t it?That was certainly an enjoyable film to make.Your favorite film was Mr. Holland’s Opus.I don’t think I’d say that, Mike. I mean, it was a fantastic experience, but I always come back to Jaws, the movie that really…Jaws?! Are you tellin me you like Jaws more than Mr. Holland’s Opus?Mike, it’s not really question of liking one more than the other…MISTAH HOLLAND’S OPUS WAS ABOUT A BELOVED TEACHER FALLING IN LOVE WITH MUSIC AGAIN! JAWS IS ABOUT A SHAWK! HOW CAN YOU PICK JAWS OVER MISTAH HOLLAND’S OPUS?! YER OUTTA YA MIND IF YOU THINK THAT!!
/17 minute pause
IF YOU THINK JAWS IS A BETTAH FILM, YOU ARE LOST! LU-HOST!
/massive gulp of Diet Coke
Alright, we got Frankie on the caw phone. Frankie, what’s up?
Thanks, Mike. I love the show. I worhship the ground you walk on. I cherish the six hours your show is on much more than the time I spend with my stupid wife and children.Go on.
My question is, when Mr. Dreyfuss was making that mashed potato Devil’s Mountain in Close Encounters, did he really…Wait, you wanna ask a Close Encounters question? I have the staw of Mr. Holland’s Opus here, and you wanna ask a Close Encounters question?
I’d be happy to answer it…
Did you evah see Mr. Holland’s Opus, Frankie?
I think so, maybe on a plane once. I don’t remember it too well.
I HAVE THE STAW OF MISTAH HOLLAND’S OPUS HEAH, AND YOU WANNA ASK HIM ABOUT CLOSE ENCOUNTERS? YOU GOTTA BE OUTTA YAW MIND! WHY DON’TCHA AKS HIM ABOUT THE TOUCHING SCENE WHERE HE HEARS HIS SYMPHONY PERFAWMED BY HIS FORMER STUDENTS?! ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT DIDN’T MOVE YOU TO TEARS?!
Um, like I said, I don’t remember it too well.
BECAUSE I WEPT LIKE A BABY!
Mike, please don’t yell at me! You’re the only ray of sunshine in my life!
Ridiculous. Get this guy off.
/click
Mark, Chris, Bill, whatever my producer’s name is. This is the kinda question you let on the air? So that’s what we’re doin now. This is how we produce a show. Okay. Fine.
/dismissive snort
Alright, now it’s time faw my Mawquis Quiz.I thought it was called the Proust Questionnaire.This first one is easy: Who scawed the first safety in Super Bowl history?Um…you know, I’m not a huge football fan.TAKE A GUESS, RICHARD! TAKE A GUESS!Um…Terry Bradshaw?TERRY BRADSHAW?! HOW IS QUAWTABACK GONNA SCORE A SAFETY?! YOU AW LU-HOST!You seem to be running the show fine by yourself. Maybe I should just leave.NOT UNTIL YOU SHARE HILARIOUS STORIES FROM THE SET OF “THE EDUCATION OF MAX BICKFORD”!
Hat tip to @kranepool, whose tweet inspired this opus.