Tag Archives: mets

Sean from Massapequa

Sean from Massapequa: A-Rod, Citigroup, and Other Scoundrels

I often write about the Mets on this site, but I realize that my perspective is not necessarily that of the average fan. So as the Hot Stove League heats up, I want to get the viewpoint of another Amazins enthusiast. Today Scratchbomb welcomes back Sean from Massapequa, a union pipefitter and frequent WFAN caller, to discuss A-Rod and several other Mets-related messes.

seanfrommassapequa.jpgSo what’s your take on the A-Rod steroid situation?

I am so sick of this shit.

Sick of what, steroids?

No, of this winter shit. I swear to god, if I gotta shovel the driveway one more time, he’s gettin a snow blower straight up the poop chute!

Who is?

God is, I just toldja! He’s responsible for the snow, ain’t he? He’s responsible for this hideous winter, ain’t he? And he’s responsible for the fact that pitchers and catchers don’t start til Friday, and I’m losin my fuckin mind!

I thought we were gonna talk about A-Rod and steroids,

Listen, at this point, you gotta figure everybody was doin em. I’m sure there was guys on the Mets I cheered for who were doin em too.You think anybody in this world is pure, you’re livin in a dream world. Everybody cheats in every business–it’s a fact of life! So let’s just move forward. What do I care if this guy was doin steroids 6 years ago?

So you don’t think the media should be hounding him for this?

*pfft* The media. Listen, if the media was so concerned about steroids, why didn’t they investigate this stuff when it was happenin? They was in the locker rooms all the time, and they didn’t say nothin, cause they was just happy to be ridin on the gravy train with guys like McGwire and Sosa and Bonds. Now all these things come out from real reporters and these idiots on ESPN act like they’re all shocked. Buncha bums.

I’m amazed to hear myself say this, but I think I agree with you.

Bottom line: all of this stuff is in the past. A-Rod did it, they all did it, let’s just play some ball already, alright?

So I guess you won’t boo him when he plays at CitiField later this year.

You kiddin? Man, I am gonna firebomb that guy.

I assume you mean with words.

No, I’m gonna get some M-80s and fire em off at the field! I gotta cousin in Pennsylvania, he can hook me up with anything you want for the Fourth of July. You want his number? I get a finder’s fee if you buy somethin.

No thanks, I’m not in the market for fireworks. But you mentioned CitiField, and lately the Mets have gotten a lot of heat because Citigroup received a federal bailout. A lot of people think it’s not right for a company that got TARP money to spend funds on something so frivolous. Do you think the Mets should end their relationship with Citigroup?

Hey, dem’s the breaks, Citigroup. You signed a contract, you gotta pay up. It ain’t the Mets’ fault you morons don’t know how to run a business. Listen, I’m in a union. I know all about contracts. You honor em, or somebody cuts your brakes, simple as that.

Sure, there’s a contract, but you have to admit it looks bad for the Mets to take their money. Wouldn’t it be in the team’s best interests, PR-wise, to dissolve the arrangement so that it’s not an issue going forward?

How much are the Mets gettin from them, $40 million a year? I’d be willin to look pretty bad for that kinda dough. Every newspaper in the country could scream at me, long as I got to keep the loot. There is a very short list of things I wouldn’t do for $40 million. In fact, I got it here in my pocket. Lemme read it to you: “Nothing.” See, there you go.

Finally, it looks like the Mets’ lineup is pretty much set now. They might add a lefty reliever, but in all likelihood they won’t make any additions to the lineup. God help me for asking this, but are you happy with the current setup of this team?

I am never happy with this team. Ever.

You’re so negative. If this team makes you so unhappy, why don’t you just switch to a different team, or stop watching baseball?

Because I will never find a team to piss me off and baffle me so consistently as this one. Plus, if they ever have a great year and it all pays off, I can’t wait to bust on all the fair-weather bandwagon fans who’ll pop up outta the woodwork.

That’s some dream, Sean.

What is a man without his dreams?

Baseball, Sean from Massapequa

Sean from Massapequa: Ollie and Manny, Together Again for the First Time

I often write about the Mets on this site, but I realize that my perspective is not necessarily that of the average fan. So as the Hot Stove League heats up, I want to get the viewpoint of another Amazins enthusiast. Today Scratchbomb welcomes back Sean from Massapequa, a union pipefitter and frequent WFAN caller, to discuss the Mets’ latest free agent recruits.

seanfrommassapequa.jpgNow that Derek Lowe has gone to the Braves, it seems the Mets have their sights on reacquiring Oliver Perez.

Yes, and I have my sight set on constructing an incendiary advice to hurl at CitiField. This team drives me nuts, chasin after bums like Oliver Perez. Sick to my stomach just thinkin about it.

Who do you think they should sign instead, Ben Sheets?

Sign somebody, sign anybody! I’m sick to death of no news! Checkin the papers, listening to Francesa, day after day, nothin! It’s January and I got snow pilin up in my driveway and my Chevy won’t start and I got my wife bustin my hump about fixin up the dining room. I need some baseball news, goddammit, or I swear to god I’m goin postal! Again.

I don’t think the Mets should sign a pitcher indiscriminately just because you’re having a tough time.

Buddy, a tough time is like “Wah, I stubbed my toe, I’m havin a bad hair day!” What I’m goin through right now is Normandy. My boss is workin my last nerve, the boiler’s actin up again, and Jesus Christ, you shoulda seen the piece a work my oldest brought home the other day. This guy looked like a reject from Tool Academy. Wore sunglasses indoors, at night, in January. Enough gel in his hair to kill a horse. God, I wanted to smack this mook so hard. Smack him right in the brain…

So you don’t care who the Mets as long as they sign somebody, but you don’t want them to sign Oliver Perez.

At this point, I’d love it if they signed Ollie, because then at least I’d have somethin else to piss me off and break up the monotony. I ain’t had nothin to get real mad at since a coupla weeks ago, when I threw a brick at some Eagles fan in the Giants Stadium parking lot.

A brick of what?

A brick of brick, what else? How else do you expect me the break the guy’s jaw?

Wow. How are you not in jail?

The guy was wearin a McNabb jersey just minutes after they eliminated Big Blue from the playoffs. The balls on that prick! Even if I’da gotten caught, no jury in the country woulda convicted me.

I’m kind of afraid to ask this, but what do you think of Manny Ramirez? There seem to be a lot of fans who want him on the team, but the front office hasn’t given any indication that they’re going to pursue him. Where do you stand on the issue?

Wilpons, Omar, get this man on this team! He means the difference between a World Series title and me hunting you down for sport!

I’m surprised. I didn’t think you’d be pro-Manny.

Why not? The man is an RBI machine. A machine!

Sure, of course, I just…he doesn’t seem like your kind of player.

What do you mean, the clubhouse stuff? Everyone says he’s no good in the clubhouse, but that didn’t mean too much when he was winnin in Cleveland and Boston and LA.

No, I meant…well, every time I talk to you, you yell at the Mets for pursuing certain types of players.

Yeah, bums. They’re always goin after bums and stiffs cuz they’re cheap, when they should be goin after the big fish like Manny.

Okay, it’s just that every other time I’ve talked to you, you’ve accused the Mets of only signing Hispanic players.

What?! I never said that!

Maybe you’ve never said those exact words, but you’ve implied it heavily.

I’m really hurt! You make me sound like some kinda racist or somethin!

Maybe I misinterpreted what you said. If so, I apologize. That was unfair of me.

Now, if Omar turns around and signs Pedro again, you’ll know it’s just cuz he’s lookin out for his fellow you-know-whats.

Very nice. Thanks for completely confirming my earlier suspicions about you.

Don’t mention it.

Baseball, The Funny

Philly Takes It on the Road

Somewhere in the Dominican Republic:

/ding dong

reyes.gifWho is it?

jroll.jpgWho is it?! World effin’ champions, that’s who!

hamels.jpgYeah, and we’re here to tell you that the Giants are goin’ DOWN on Sunday!

reyes.gifI don’t think the Giants play again until April.

jroll.jpgPfft! You thought we were talking about San Francisco, you DUNCE?! No, we’re talking about the NY Giants. Or should I say, the NY TINIES, because they’re gonna feel two feet tall once they get stomped by the IGGLES!

hamels.jpgHow bout dem birds, baby? The firm leadership of Donovan McNabb! The explosive running game of Brian Westbrook! The competent blocking of L.J. Smith! They’re gonna poop all over the Giants’ heads like a red convertible fresh out of the car wash!

jroll.jpgAllow me to imply that the following members of the Giants are gay: Eli Manning, Brandon Jacobs, Antonio Pierce, Phil Simms, Frank Gifford, Y.A. Tittle…

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