Interweb, Media Morons, The Funny

How to Wind Up in Twitter Jail, Starring @TimesPublicEdit

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I am @TimesPublicEdit.

I didn’t work all that hard to keep this quiet, but I never formally announced it, mostly because I didn’t think anyone was waiting with baited breath trying to puzzle out the secret. The reason I’m “revealing” this now is because, well, it’s already revealed via a post by Kat Stoeffel at the New York Observer today. That post was written because of the odd events of the last week involving the account, which began with a tweet last Monday.

This tweet was RT’ed and faved to an extent far beyond my wildest imaginings. It was also assumed to be the work of the actual New York Times‘ public editor by some news outlets that failed to perform a few extra seconds of due diligence. A formal complaint against the account (from whom, I don’t know) led to a suspension for being an “imposter” account.

After a week on the shelf, the account is back in action. I’m pretty fortunate in this regard; suspended accounts tend to stay that way indefinitely, or so Google tells me. However, I thought recounting what happened to @TimesPublicEdit might serve as a cautionary tale to other Twitter parodists, or just anybody who wants to build any kind of body of work on Twitter. Because you have to remember that anything you do there can be wiped out without warning, and that this is the risk you take when you scribble on someone else’s real estate.

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Tuneage

Paul Rodgers’ “Rock and Roll Fantasy” Fantasy Camp

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Welcome to Paul Rodgers’ “Rock and Roll Fantasy” Fantasy Camp. I’m Paul Rodgers, and I’m here to help you live out your dreams. My goal is to make this the best two weeks of your life, so let’s do this! By the end of this camp, you will be transformed from ordinary schmoes into rock and roll fantasy gods!

Before we do anything else, you need to be schooled in the fundamentals of rock and roll fantasy. The key to a successful rock and roll fantasy is knowing the difference between a jester and a dancer. I have two models up here on the stage with me; don’t panic, these are NOT real jesters and dancers. They are are simply here for demonstration purposes.

As you can see, the jester has a floppy hat with bells on it, and a checkered union suit, and he may hold a few items he could use to juggle, such as bowling pins. However, I want to stress this, just because he doesn’t have anything to juggle doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not a jester. That’s a common rookie mistake. Now, onto to the dancer. You’ll notice this model is wearing a silver leotard, and the hair…

Why are we doing this? Because differentiating between a jester and a dancer is the most important aspect of the rock and roll fantasy. If you can’t tell them apart, how are you going to arrange them? Back to the dancer…

Why are you asking about instruments? We won’t be playing any instruments. No, not during this demonstration or at any time during the next two weeks. I don’t know who gave you the impression you would be playing music, but they were mistaken. Now, if I could continue with my demonstration…

No, this is not a rock and roll fantasy camp. This is Paul Rodgers’ “Rock and Roll Fantasy” Fantasy Camp, as in Bad Company’s smash 1979 hit “Rock and Roll Fantasy.” This is where you get to realize your dream of living in the world of the song “Rock and Roll Fantasy.”

Sir, have you never heard the song? It clearly says “my rock and roll fantasy,” meaning me, Paul Rodgers, and my rock and roll fantasy involves jesters, dancers, and nothing else. Except for the part where your mama calls you but you don’t go home because you’re having too much fun, but that’s it. What more could you possibly want from a rock and roll fantasy?

Granted, those 13 things you named sounded exciting, in their own way. However, they are not in the scope of our mission here.

And to the guy in the back who yelled “ripoff,” sir, let me just say that compared to other song-specific seminars out there, this a bargain. Trust me, it costs a lot more to attend Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week” Fantasy Camp. And that camp is actually two weeks long, so that’s false advertising right there. As far as I’m concerned, Paul Rodgers’ “Rock and Roll Fantasy” Fantasy Camp is a steal at $7000 a session.

No, there will be no appearances by any other members of Bad Company, as I am being sued by all of them. Yes, even by the estate of Boz Burrell. Possibly for running this camp, but I am not at liberty to discuss it.

Before I conclude this introductory session, I have to say that I am super excited to teach all of you about “Rock and Roll Fantasy,” and also have to inform you that having attended this camp for 15 full minutes means you are no longer legally entitled to a refund. Now, onto the mess hall for some moderately priced peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!

Literary Endeavors

Discarded Markers

You probably don’t know what this is. I didn’t know what it was when I first saw it. This comes from a coworker of mine, who was cleaning out her desk and decided she could finally part with this register mark dispenser.

In the days before digital publishing, books and magazines were laid out by hand, using lots of tape and glue and X-Acto knives. Blocks of text were meticulously constructed, calculating the character count with monastic dedication, so you would know if a photo that you couldn’t resize without an enormous hassle would fit on the page. When the layout was finalized, you had to place these register marks on the margins of each page. Each of the colors in four-color printing (CMYK) were printed in separate print runs, so these register marks ensured that all the colors would be properly aligned. This was essential, because even slightly misaligned colors produce an unsettling “vibration” effect.

I’ve worked in publishing of one type or another my entire adult life, going all the way back to college. And yet, I’d never seen an item like these stickers. By the time I entered the industry, publishing had already abandoned typesetting by hand. Quark XPress, Pagemaker, and their brethren had made that trade as dead as vaudeville disco. These new layout programs not only removed the tedious algebra of character counts and pica rulers, but they also placed those handy register marks right on the document for you.

At first glance, these register mark stickers struck me as quaint and archaic, in the same category as bygone office equipment such as the intercom and the Dictaphone. But in truth, these stickers were still in heavy rotation much more recently. Thirty years ago, most publishers still needed them by the boatload. A decade later, nearly none of them did. Ten years might seem like a long time in the Internet Age, but in the history of an industry as old as publishing, it’s the blink of an eye.

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A potentially explosive collection of verbal irritants