Category Archives: Media Morons

The New Hotness, God Help Us

One great thing about living in NYC (among many) is that you get to see fashion in progress. I don’t mean Bryant Park during Fashion Week, or guys pushing garment racks down 7th Avenue. I mean, you see the future fashions of the world exhibited by the eternal fount of all style: urban teenagers.

F’rinstance, the current steez amongst teens in this city is a sort of mutant hip-hop/punk rock/rockabilly hybrid. Ed Hardy-mania is its most obvious manifestation. Nowadays, kids in Brooklyn dress like a weird mix of Jay-Z and Mike Ness.

This hasn’t taken hold everywhere, near as I can tell, but I’m guessing it won’t be too long before it does. And I, for one, am totally on board with it. This is probably the first time since I’ve been alive that I’ve thought, “I actually like the way teenagers dress right now!”

But that train of thought came to a screeching halt this morning. Because I saw a kid this morning on Atlantic Avenue, dressed in all black (hoodie, jeans), holding a matching murse.

Not a messenger bag, or a laptop bag. It couldn’t possibly be slung over his shoulder. In fact, I would even hesitate to call this thing a murse.  It was no bigger than small grapefruit, and he held it with as few fingers as possible. It was a man-clutch.

Mind you, this kid was not even the slightest bit precious. He totally had the look of someone who would beat you up for thinking about thinking about messing with him.

I don’t hate this idea because it’s girly. I hate it because it’s so dumb and impractical. Like when punk/emo kids were doing that ear stretching thing a few years back. Do they still do that? Please tell me they don’t still do that.

Google tells me that at least some kids still do this. C’mon, kids, cut it out.

My plea to the kids of NYC: You were doing so good on the fashion front. Please do not adopt the man-clutch. Thank you.

For Your Halfhearted Consideration

/stirring orchestral music/


benjaminbutton.jpgOscar season is here, the buzz is brewing, and
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is…well, it’s one of those movies we should be talking about right now, right?

“I was really looking forward to Benjamin Button and…I don’t know, I was looking for something, and I don’t even know what it is. I don’t even know why I’m disappointed, I just know I am. You know what I mean?”
— Roger Ebert

The critics have spoken, and one thing you can say is that they have expressed themselves through the use of words.

“Look, it’s not like I hated it, I just..I don’t think there’s a word…just…meh.”
— J. Hoberman

“Brad Pitt turns in his best performance to date.” Did anyone say that? No? Then what did they say?

“Brad Pitt is, you know, he’s okay. There’s the makeup and the cgi and…I guess I can’t say anything bad about his performance. It’s just…man, it’s on the tip of my tongue…”
— Janet Maslin

Critics agree: they will probably bring themselves to vote for Benjamin Button for one Oscar or another.

“Yeah, I guess. I mean, what, I’m gonna vote for Dark Knight? A superhero movie wins an acting Oscar, or, god forbid, Best Picture? Yeah, sure, that’s happening.”
— Jeffrey Lyons

Rick Reilly’s Wild Kingdom

“Hi, this is Rick Reilly, and welcome to Homecoming, the show where we interview famous athletes in their home towns. Our first guest is Rangers slugger Josh Hamilton, who overcame drug addiction to thrill us all in last year’s Home Run Derby. Josh, my first question to you is HOLY SHIT, THERE’S A TIGER COMING RIGHT AT US!!!”

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