Category Archives: Boob Tubery

Boob Tubery, The Funny

Jay Leno Would Really Like You to Watch The Jay Leno Show!

Thumbnail image for jayleno.jpgHey guys, have you thought about watching the Jay Leno Show when it debuts next Monday? It’s gonna be blast! Guests! Comedy! Things on the news!

Boy, I wish I was on TV right now! Did you see that Obama health speech yesterday? Crazy! Boy, I’d have a few zingers ready for Joe Wilson. Then I’d also have a few for Obama, just to even it out! I like to give it to both sides! I think that’s why people like me! I’m fair!

But you should still tune in! We’re gonna have so many surprises, you won’t believe it! I just got an original user’s manual from a 1969 Lotus Super 7 Series 3! And I’ll read the whole thing, live on the air!

Watch as I play a hilarious prank on Chuck‘s Zachary Levi! He’ll order a tuna wrap from the craft services truck, but we’ll send him a turkey club and insist it’s tuna! You’ll crack up at as he exhibits mild frustration over the matter!

Did you know when I was in college, I was voted Most Likely To Continue to Exist? It’s true!

Thrill as I realize one of my lifelong dreams: drop-kicking a pumpkin across the Grand Canyon! And they said it couldn’t be done!

You guys like Twitter, right? If I did something with Twitter, would you tune in then?

We’re doing stuff for the troops, too! As soon as the first show wraps, we’ll burn it to DVD and send it to one lucky army base in Fallujah! That army base will then send it to another, and so on, until every man and woman in uniform gets to see it! Which should happen some time in 2017!

Adam Levine from Maroon 5 will stop by to restring his guitar–live!

I’m bringing back Iron Jay! But this time, it will be an actual iron statue of me! We’ll travel to a working foundry in Youngstown, Ohio to watch it be forged!

Do you like that guy Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs? Me too! If we had him on the show, would you tune in?

You’ll love the spin-off of my Headlines segments: Mastheads! You won’t believe some of the crazy names these editors have!

It’s so cold outside the spotlight, so tune in! If you don’t, I’ll have to be on the road 290 days a year because I hate my family! Come home to NBC!

Boob Tubery, The Funny

Jay Leno Says Watch the Jay Leno Show!

jayleno.jpgHello, America! This is Jay Leno telling you to watch the new Jay Leno show, which premieres next Monday at 10pm! We’re gonna have lots of exciting guests and so many surprises, you won’t believe it! 

Remember that car I drove in the commercials for my new show, the racecar with 10 on the side? I’m gonna try and eat it live on the air! It could take me all week! Can the human stomach digest a carburetor? Guess you’ll have to tune in to find out!

Join me for Jay’s Wacky Pranks! I go down to the Hall of Records and try to legally change my name to Jey Leyneaux. It’ll blow their minds! And yours!

Ever seen human chess? You’ve never seen it like this, played with the Supreme Court justices and the surviving members of the 1979 world champion Pittsburgh Pirates! Will Kent Tekulve be a pawn or a rook? We’ll see!

Bring in a homemade casserole and I’ll judge it on a scale of 1 to 10!

An old favorite will join us: Joan Embry from the San Diego Zoo! And I’ll get up close and personal with a rhesus monkey! What does he do on my shirt? I can’t say, but I’ll give you a hint: it starts with “P” and ends with “urinate”!

Join me when I take a tour of the Rawlings Golf Center in Reseda, as they hand-assemble my custom golf cart! If you’ve ever wondered how cup holders are made, wonder no more!

Are you excited about the new hit animated movie Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs? So am I! That’s while I’ll be throwing hamburger meat from the roof of our studio! If you’re lucky enough to be walking down the street at the time, you get to keep up to half of whatever lands on you!

Juggling! I’m gonna learn how to juggle! You guys like juggling, right?

World champion whistler Dave Morris will thrill us with his rendition of Wagner’s entire Ring Cycle!

I’ll do an entire monologue without using the letter ‘e’! Does that sound interesting? What must I do to get your eyes on me?! I need your attention! I’ll shrivel up and die outside of the spotlight!

The Jay Leno Show starring Jay Leno! Let’s all be there!

Boob Tubery

This Isn’t a Pocket Protector, It’s an On/Off Switch for a Killing Machine

A friend of mine recently recommended that I watch Spike TV’s Deadliest Warrior, a show in which legendary fighters of the past are pitted against each other. I had misgivings. With its channel of origin and thoroughly violent content, I thought for sure it would be Pure Steakhead Theatre. I could just smell the Axe bodyspray and Rockstar energy drink wafting off of it.

But rather than dismiss the show outright, I decided to give it a shot. I watched it for the first time last night, and I think it might be my new favorite show. This is definitely a show for the Ed Hardy Crowd, but it is also undoubtedly the nerdiest show I have ever seen. The guys on this show make Adam and Jamie from Mythbusters look like quarterbacks.

dw.jpgThe show is structured thusly: Experts on a particular warrior class are invited to the studio to demonstrate their respective warrior’s weapons, fighting style, armor, etc. The warriors are judged in various areas: long and short range weapons, defensive ability, and so on. For each category, one warrior gets an ‘edge’. The true winner is determined using a sophisticated computer program (which, on screen, looked a lot like an Excel spreadsheet), and a fake, very bloody battle takes place that reveals the victor.

From this description, you’d think this show would be eye candy for the Nutritional Supplement Set. And you’d be right. But the warrior experts it features are some of the hugest nerds you will ever see.

We all went to high school with at least one dude who was really into swords, or ninjas, or martial arts. Guys who weren’t usually good athletes, but could tell you all about how you could kill a man three times before he hit the ground, or describe how a throwing star was forged in excruciating detail.

Imagine they took all of those guys and gave them a TV show. That’s what The Deadliest Warrior is: like Dungeons and Dragons with a cardio workout. The whole show is like one long, hissy cafeteria-table-discussion wherein nerds discuss completely hypothetical fights. “Excuse me, but, ahem, I’m sorry, there is no way a claymore could pierce the shield of an Incan warrior!”

You should watch this show because it’s awesome to see a katana chop a ballistics gel dummy in half. And as a bonus, you get to see Fake Samurais trash talk Fake Vikings about the merits of their respective warriors. But trash talk in the highly technical, highly hilarious Nerd Fashion:

“Yeah, I think that war club blow would have turned your tibia into powder.”

“Maybe it would have, if I wasn’t wearing my double-forged chainmail sleeve, duh!”