All posts by Matthew Callan

Shameless Self Promotion

See Me Talk Next Tuesday!

Hey, folks. Scratchbomb HQ is shut down this week for what passes for vacation in these parts. (So far it has involved a lot of highway driving and furniture assembly.) However, I did want to alert you to an exciting upcoming event.

Next Tuesday, September 6, I will be taking part in the Adult Education Lecture Series at Union Hall in Brooklyn. This month’s subject is TRADE NEGOTIATIONS, which I am interpreting in the loosest way possible. My bit will be a brief instruction on how to delicately negotiate your child out the door in the morning. Or my child, anyway. Your results may vary.

The event is hosted by Charles Star and will also feature stand-up comedian Dan Goodman and David Roth, who is one of the many folks behind the (hopefully) soon-to-be-launched sports website The Classical. I am also continually cracked up by his sporting chats with David Raposa (aka The Mercy Rule) at Vice. So even if I don’t bring it, I’m sure these guys will.

But fear not, I shall bring it! Consider it brought! I am renting a large cargo van in which to bring it! Doors are at 7:30, show starts at 8. If you need directions to Union Hall, consider Google! Be there or be elsewhere!

Pointless Nostalgia Video

McDonald’s: The Old Hotness

As I’ve written many times (and will no doubt write many times more), I enjoy watching old VHS tapes in my collection because they provide time-capsule-like snapshots of a certain era. You get a glimpse of what folks were obsessed with back then–or what their corporate overlords DEMANDED they be obsessed with.

Prime example: McDonald’s. Being the unstoppable behemoth they are, advertising is virtually pointless for them. Unless they’re introducing a new product or promoting a sale, there’s really no way for them to increase McDonalds awareness, or no reason to, either.

Problem is, McDonalds has an advertising budget that dwarfs the GDP of several African nations, and them bucks gotta be spent somewhere! So sometimes they devote said bucks to idiosyncratic campaigns whose aims aren’t exactly clear when the commercials first air, and become progressively dimmer with the passing of time. For instance, I have many McDonalds ads from the mid-80s in my YouTube collection that involve people dancing. Not just a few steps, either. I’m talking like Busby Berkeley showstoppers. Did anybody want to see this 25 years ago? I doubt it, but these ads look a hundred times weirder now.

But that’s a subject for another time (or never; never works, too). This is all a lead in to tell you that I was recently reminded of an odd ad campaign McDonalds ran in my youth. (What reminded me? My brain, because it hates me.) They had several commercials in which the HOTNESS of their food was heavily emphasized. Me, I think heat is an assumed quality of all food, non-gazpacho edition. But for some reason, circa 1985, McDonalds was all like NO, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. OUR FOOD IS REALLY REALLY HOT AND THIS IS A CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION. It seems ironic in retrospect, considering they were eventually sued for almost burning someone’s face off with coffee.

My efforts to find out exactly why McDonalds did this (i.e., googling) have been fruitless. The only theory I have is that these debuted around the same time as Wendy’s “Where’s the beef?” ads. So perhaps this was McDonalds reaction to Wendy’s needling of the size of their meat. “Oh yeah, you think your burgers are bigger? Well, ours are hotter. Take that, assholes.”

So that you may be as baffled as I, here are a few humble examples.

Continue reading McDonald’s: The Old Hotness →

YouTube Comment of the Week

YouTube Comment of the Week: Z. Cavaricci

If you’re not of a certain age, “Z. Cavaricci” probably sounds like the name of a pasta sauce or a striker for Inter Milan. It’s actually a brand of clothery that was quite popular in the late 1980s/early 1990s, right around the time that I was in junior high. It was what the cool kids wore, at least in my neck of the woods. Like any other fashion trend, there’s no good answer to the question of why it became so popular. It just was, end of story.

But if there was any specific reason why Cavaricci clothes were so popular, it was because they were kind of expensive. Owning a pair of Cavaricci jeans signified that you could afford to own them. I coveted them for the same reason I desperately wanted a pair of Agassis, or the Nike mock turtleneck thing that came in Agassi colors. My wardrobe still consisted of a large number of hand-me-downs from older cousins, and the rest was strictly Caldors. It never occurred to me that a short fat kid like me would’ve had a hard time finding Cavariccis in my size and would’ve looked awful in them even if I did. The heart wants what it wants.

Why did Cavaricci’s go away? Again, fashion comes and goes, usually with little rhyme or reason. But if I had to guess, one clue is that this ad aired during an episode of MTV’s 120 Minutes. The episode in question featured an airing of the video for “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” which had debuted just a few weeks earlier. The dressed-down grunge era was nigh, and Cavariccis were doomed. But at least one person remembers those glory days, as you can see below this here video.