Todd Grunfeld, proprietor of Winger’s, just emailed me because he’s heard there’s a possibility of a wing shortage. With less than a week before the Super Bowl, such a shortage could have some catastrophic results for the snacking public and America’s growing ranks of mobility scooter owners.
Todd wanted me to assure my readers that all of his Winger’s locations will be well-stocked with wings in plenty of time for the Big Game. He told me that he’s ordered a special shipment of 17 truck containers of emergency wing rations at great expense from a chicken processing facility in rural Manitoba. Their safe arrival will be guaranteed by armed mercenaries on loan from Blackwater.
And I am only passing along this info because Todd promised me that if I did, he’d find some way to rid my site of that awful, awful ad.
Brian, I wanted to call you and clear the air about those book excerpts that have been leaked. The co-writer and I, we employed a literary device called The Third Person. So you see, that’s not me talking in those excerpts; it’s Joe Torre.
But you are Joe Torre.
No, I’m me. Unless I’m someone other than me, in which case I would be you.
Those are just pronouns, Joe. It doesn’t change the fact that you wrote some pretty awful things in your book.
No, Tom Verducci explained this to me. He’s a writer and he knows all about this kinda stuff. I didn’t write those horrible things, Joe Torre did. Me, I’m just a palooka from Brooklyn who wanted to be a big league manager some day. I’m a good egg, see? But that Joe Torre fella, he’s a real dick. Between you and me, I wouldn’t trust the guy farther than I could throw him.
