All posts by Matthew Callan

1999 Project

1999 Project: Subway Series, Part 2

Click here for an intro/manifesto on The 1999 Project.

subwayseries2.pngJuly 9, 1999: Mets 5, Yankees 2

Though the Mets played well between the end of the first Subway Series and the start of the second one, they had also just completed a disappointing four-game split with the lowly Expos. “There was a listless atmosphere,” Jack Curry wrote of that series in The New York Times, “and the Mets always seemed to be in danger of being lulled to sleep and into feeling that they were fine. But they were not.”

There was no danger of a subdued atmosphere at Shea for the Friday night opener of this series. The pitching matchup was a rematch of the last game of the Bronx leg of the Subway Series: Al Leiter for the Mets, Roger Clemens for the Yankees. That game ended the Mets’ eight-game losing streak and turned the season around for both the team and Leiter. After a shaky start to his year, the lefty had been money in bank ever since his outing at Yankee Stadium.

Continue reading 1999 Project: Subway Series, Part 2 →

Cinematics

Harrison Ford, Man of Two or Three Faces

Harrison Ford is a movie star in the classic mold. He is not a method actor in the vein of Brando or Deniro. He’s more like the old-timey matinee idols of yesteryear, like John Wayne, or Cary Grant, or Clark Gable. None of those guys ever acted. Their job was to appear in a movie, recite their lines, and just be whoever they were. They’d play extremely slight variations on the same character over and over again, because that was all the studio–and the public–demanded of them.

The same goes for Harrison Ford. The movie-going public does not want to see Harrison Ford in a gritty indie drama, or a quirky comedy, or a costume piece. They want to see Harrison Ford, successful man whose family is threatened somehow. Again. And again and again and again.

Thanks to philvsthemayor, whose tweeting alerted me to this gem.

Decrees for My All Encompassing Dictatorship

Decrees for My All Encompassing Dictatorship, MLB Division

sterling.jpgThe Wife has our clock radio tuned to WCBS, which is the Yankees’ radio station. So naturally, their sports updates lead with Yankees news whenever possible. This also means they play tons of John Sterling audio.

John Sterling’s home run calls are the lamest ‘comedy’ bits you’ve ever heard, but they’re even worse when the Yankees hit two homers in a row. Because that’s when John Sterling belts out BACK TO BACK, N’ BELLY TO BELLY! Skin crawling.

If you ever think you might have eaten something poisonous and you need to induce vomiting, just think of that. You’ll be blowing chunks in no time.

The Yankees have hit back-to-back home runs in each of their last three games, an impressive feat. Except that the first thing I’ve heard when I woke up the last three mornings is that buffoon, A GROWN MAN, screaming this in my ear. How am I supposed to have a good day after that, I ask you?!

Under my benevolent regime, the Yankees shall not be allowed to hit
home runs by consecutive batters. If such an occasion arises where two
batters in a row hit balls out of the ballpark in fair territory, the
second shall count as a ground rule double.

This totally unfair burden on the Yankees’ ability to score will be imposed until such time as they fire John Sterling as their play-by-play man and exile him to some foreign nation. Preferably one where no one plays baseball, so that he may not sully their airwaves, either.

I have spoken.