All posts by Matthew Callan

Jay Leno Wants to Know if You’re Going to Watch the Jay Leno Show!

Thumbnail image for jayleno.jpgHey, have you thought about watching The Jay Leno Show? If not, have you thought about thinking about it?

Did you catch my interview with Bob Costas during the Packers-Bears game last night? I even worked in a timely zinger about Brett Favre! Oh, but I kid Brett Favre, of course! That’s what the show’s gonna be like–we’re gonna be right on top of the news!

Wait, you didn’t see my interview with Costas? How about the seven billion promos NBC ran over the weekend? No? You don’t watch NBC, huh? Well, couldja? Just once, for Jay?

I don’t think you understand! This is going to be a comedy show! A comedy show at 10 pm! Do you understand how groundbreaking this is? The answer is: pretty groundbreaking!

Tell you what: Watch it once! If you don’t like it, I’ll give you your money back! I know what you’re thinking: Jay, network TV doesn’t cost me anything! Zing! That’s the kind of laugh-riot comedy you can expect on my show!

But what if I paid you? You’d have to watch it then, right? You’d have to watch it!

Oh, I know you’re going to love this! Did you know NBC built me a racetrack outside the studio? It’s true! Sometimes I’ll take a few laps out there with awesome celebrity guests! And sometimes we’ll flood the tarmac and stage historic naval battle recreations with vinatge cars! Watch this week, when me, Jerry Seinfeld, and a fleet of Hudson Hornets stage the Battle of Trafalgar!

Do you know what we’re gonna have? Comedy correspondents! They’re gonna go across the nation ‘reporting’ on the stories that matter to you! No show has ever done that before! At least not at 10 pm on network TV! With comedy!

Who wants ice cream? I’ll run out and get ice cream for everyone! Does that sound cool?

Are you excited about Rock Band: Beatles? I’ll buy this intern named Jim a floppy wig and he’ll play “I Feel Fine”! If you know Jim, it’ll be hilarious!

I will do anything! Literally anything! Are there limits to what I’ll do? Trust me, you don’t want to find out!

We bought one of the world’s largest HD monitors, exclusively to project closeups of Jay’s Headlines to our studio audience! Isn’t that ridiculous? NBC paid for it with all the money they’ll save by not hiring writers and directors and actors for whatever they would’ve shown at 10 pm instead of me!

I can’t go out on the road again, folks! It’s this or a bath with a toaster! You don’t want my blood on your hands, do you? Of course not!

NBC! Proud as a peacock!

1999 Project: Games 135-140

Click here for an intro/manifesto on The 1999 Project.

99_ordonez.jpgSeptember 3, 1999: Rockies 5, Mets 2 (10)

The Mets began their homestand with an ugly incident reminiscent of their early season struggles. Rey Ordonez and backup shortstop Luis Lopez got into a fistfight while on the team bus to Shea, following their flight back from Houston. The fisticuffs were bad enough to give Ordonez a six-stitch gash over his eye.

The cause of the fight was unclear, although it was rumored that Ordonez tried to defend Jorge Toca (a fellow Cuban defector) against some rookie hazing. Both players kept the party line repeated by GM Steve Phillips, that they’d patched things up between them and there were no hard feelings. A few days later, after the dust settled, teammates would say they were surprised it took so long for someone to deck the abrasive Ordonez.

However, there were definitely hard feelings involved with a disappointing extra-inning loss to the Rockies. The Mets managed a mere two runs two runs against Colorado starter Jamey Wright, wasting two separate scoring opportunities with a man on third and only one out. Orel Hershiser pitched well enough to keep them in the game, and Pat Mahomes, Dennis Cook, and Armando Benitez combined to throw three scoreless innings.

Turk Wendell came on for the tenth and did not fare well, giving up a one-out walk to Todd Walker and a single to Dante Bichette. The righty had suffered a bit of a rough patch recently; ironically, it came after Bobby Valentine tried to give him a few days’ rest in the hopes of keeping his arm fresh down the stretch. (“The more I pitch, the better I get,” Wendell told reporters later. “Those six days off killed me”)

Valentine called on ex-Rockie Chuck McElroy to clean up Wendell’s mess. He struck out Todd Helton, but walked Vinny Castilla (who’d been 0 for 7 against McElroy previously) to load the bases. That brought up Met-for-a-minute Jeff Barry, who made his first, brief major league appearance for the team in 1995, then languished in the minors for the next four seasons.

“I felt real good for some reason before the game,” Barry said afterward. “I had a real good feeling about today.” He had reason to, since he went 3-for-3. His third hit was a bases-clearing double off of McElroy that put Colorado on top to stay. The loss dropped the Mets 4.5 games out of first in the NL East, their largest deficit since July, though a loss by the Reds maintained their four-game lead in the wild card standings.

Continue reading 1999 Project: Games 135-140 →

“This One’s Got a Chance!”

It’s still the best game I ever went to. And for the reason why it’s the best game I ever went to, I hope I never see a better one.

Thanks to Amazin Avenue for posting this video.