Monthly Archives: July 2009

Life In These United States

Military Intelligence: Still an Oxymoron

Yesterday I saw two different military-related items on the Interwebs that made me shake me head. And no, neither of them was the moronic Army major who refuses to go to Afghanistan because he thinks Obama isn’t a natural born citizen. Both of these stories could be blurbs in some Bizzarro World version of Reader Digest‘s “Humor in Uniform.”

Item #1! This AP headline:

warsmoking.png
Are you mad, Pentagon?! We can’t have soldiers in war zones smoking! It’s dangerous! People could be killed!

Item #2! The tweeting of irabrooker alerted me to this insane headline at NPR’s news blog:

corpseeater.pngThe thrust of the article is that the Pentagon is trying to develop a self-sufficient “clean-up” robot that could fuel itself by consuming various forms of waste, including dead bodies. I’m just surprised that this technology is being pursued now. Corpse-eating robots sounds more like an idea from the fertile, maniacal brain of Dick Cheney. Or maybe he wanted robots that would feast on hope and kittens.

Videocracy

An Update from Our “How Do I Feel About This?” Department

Last week, I wrote about the horrible, horrible, and hilarious saga of Bulletball. After doing so, I felt a little bad. Like I was just exploiting this man’s delusion for a few yucks. Who am I to judge? What have I done in my life that makes me so high any mighty? I was filled with shame, more so than usual.

Then I saw a few other Bulletball-related videos on The YouTube, and now…you know, I still don’t know how this makes me feel. Kind of giddy and icky at the same time. Like it’s Halloween and I just ate a whole buncha candy and I’m jacked up on sugar, but it’s Sunday night and I have to go to school tomorrow.

Most of the videos are basically sales pitches for the game, but this clip blows my mind. I don’t think it legally qualifies as a video. It may just be an animated gif, accompanied by some Casio rap, performed first by a guy who sounds vaguely like Curtis Blow, then by a kid who does the exact same lyrics.

Granted, this video was probably not made by the insane inventor of Bulletball. But it seems to capture its spirit, don’t you think?

Yes, that certainly is a Bulletball.

Baseball, Live Blogs, Media Morons

Scratchbomb’s 2009 All-Star Game Live Blog: Final

11:08: K-Rod looked good, for the most part. Much better than he’s looked in actual Mets games of late.

I vote we place a moratorium on those Bud commercials with that Jet song. The tune has approached near-“Vertigo” levels of annoying ubiquity.

Mariano sets ’em down 1-2-3, and the NL is 0 for the decade (and then some). And I shall repair to my bed, to dream of the years of senior circuit dominance gone by.

11:08: How on earth did Angel Hernandez get on the umpiring crew for the ASG? He’s gotta be the worst ump in the game, by a huge margin. And a total douche to boot.

As Will Carroll pointed out, why did McCarver pick Adrian Gonzalez giving $250K to his alma mater’s baseball team as an example of good-guy-ism? Lot more worthy causes in
the world, Tim.

Ryan Howard strands runners at the corners. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen him strike out on a total junk pitch in the dirt. Dude can not just lay off it.

10:52: Heath Bell has taken over Trevor Hoffman’s role in San Diego–including
melting down when it really counts. Curtis Granderson triple and Adam Jones sac fly puts the AL back on top.

McCarver’s trying to sell us on the “value” of Kevin Youkilis. Is he a used car?

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