Monthly Archives: June 2009

1999 Project

1999 Project: Games 45-47

Click here for an intro/manifesto on The 1999 Project.

daveparker_mask.jpgMay 24, 1999: Pirates 7, Mets 4

Thanks to the general ineffectiveness of their starting rotation, the Mets front office debated bringing Jason Isringhausen all season. The member of the ill-fated Generation K missed all of 1998 thanks to elbow surgery, and had appeared in only 33 games since a promising rookie campaign in 1995. Bobby Jones’ trip to the DL (despite Jones’ protests) forced the team’s hand, and he was called up from triple-A Norfolk in time to start the series opener in Pittsburgh.

Izzy showed flashes of the stuff that made him a first-round pick, striking out seven in six innings of work. But his first pitch was tagged for a double, and Jason Kendall clubbed a three-run homer shortly thereafter. The righty would give up another homer and five runs overall. Bobby Valentine called his outing “encouraging,” but it didn’t translate into a win.

The Mets’ offense pulled within one, but Turk Wendell gave up a two-run homer to Ed Sprague that put the game out of reach. They got the tying runs on base in the eighth and ninth innings, but couldn’t get break through against the Pittsburgh bullpen.

May 25, 1999: Mets 8, Pirates 3

Masato Yoshii turned in yet another quality outing–not an overpowering one, but more than effective. The Pirates got the leadoff man on in five of the seven innings Yoshii started, yet were only able to scratch out two runs against him. He gave up a leadoff homer to Al Martin and settled in thereafter, striking out six and inducing two key double plays in 6 2/3 innings of work.

Offensively, the Mets were kickstarted by a 442-foot solo bomb by Mike Piazza off of future battery mate Kris Benson. A few batters later, Brian McRae hit a three run shot, which was all the offense they would need, although they added four more runs against the Pirates’ relief corps.

May 26, 1999: Mets 5, Pirates 2

Orel Hershiser pitched six strong innings to earn the win and helped his cause with a pair of hits. Benny Agbayani knocked the fourth home run of his brief major league career, and John Olerud hit a key two-run single in the top of the ninth to plate some insurance runs.

However, all the post-game talk centered around the Mets’ injury woes. Al Leiter was suffering from a sprained knee, and following an unpromising BP session, Bobby Valentine opted to push back his next start by at least one game. To make matters worse, Isringhausen experienced elbow pain during a throwing session, which jeopardized the likelihood of him making his next scheduled start.

Bobby Bonilla was eligible to return from the DL but refused to take a rehab start in the minors. Instead, he wanted the Mets to fly farm team pitchers into New York for him to face, as they had done with Mike Piazza. (Such a team-first attitude is what made Bonilla a favorite among Mets fans everywhere.)

Unfortunately, the Mets’ troubles were only beginning.

Boob Tubery

This Isn’t a Pocket Protector, It’s an On/Off Switch for a Killing Machine

A friend of mine recently recommended that I watch Spike TV’s Deadliest Warrior, a show in which legendary fighters of the past are pitted against each other. I had misgivings. With its channel of origin and thoroughly violent content, I thought for sure it would be Pure Steakhead Theatre. I could just smell the Axe bodyspray and Rockstar energy drink wafting off of it.

But rather than dismiss the show outright, I decided to give it a shot. I watched it for the first time last night, and I think it might be my new favorite show. This is definitely a show for the Ed Hardy Crowd, but it is also undoubtedly the nerdiest show I have ever seen. The guys on this show make Adam and Jamie from Mythbusters look like quarterbacks.

dw.jpgThe show is structured thusly: Experts on a particular warrior class are invited to the studio to demonstrate their respective warrior’s weapons, fighting style, armor, etc. The warriors are judged in various areas: long and short range weapons, defensive ability, and so on. For each category, one warrior gets an ‘edge’. The true winner is determined using a sophisticated computer program (which, on screen, looked a lot like an Excel spreadsheet), and a fake, very bloody battle takes place that reveals the victor.

From this description, you’d think this show would be eye candy for the Nutritional Supplement Set. And you’d be right. But the warrior experts it features are some of the hugest nerds you will ever see.

We all went to high school with at least one dude who was really into swords, or ninjas, or martial arts. Guys who weren’t usually good athletes, but could tell you all about how you could kill a man three times before he hit the ground, or describe how a throwing star was forged in excruciating detail.

Imagine they took all of those guys and gave them a TV show. That’s what The Deadliest Warrior is: like Dungeons and Dragons with a cardio workout. The whole show is like one long, hissy cafeteria-table-discussion wherein nerds discuss completely hypothetical fights. “Excuse me, but, ahem, I’m sorry, there is no way a claymore could pierce the shield of an Incan warrior!”

You should watch this show because it’s awesome to see a katana chop a ballistics gel dummy in half. And as a bonus, you get to see Fake Samurais trash talk Fake Vikings about the merits of their respective warriors. But trash talk in the highly technical, highly hilarious Nerd Fashion:

“Yeah, I think that war club blow would have turned your tibia into powder.”

“Maybe it would have, if I wasn’t wearing my double-forged chainmail sleeve, duh!”

Baseball, Sean from Massapequa

Sean from Massapequa: Medic!

Today I welcome back Sean from Massapequa to talk about the recent rash of injuries and illnesses that have befallen the Mets.

seanfrommassapequa.jpgFirst off, I haven’t heard from you in a really long time. Not since your first game at CitiField. You haven’t been tweeting, either.

Yeah, I had to keep kind of a low profile online for a while. Somebody said I was harrassin em with email and slanderous Wikipedia rewrites…I probably shouldn’t talk about it too much.

Is it worse than what you did to get kicked out of Port St. Lucie?

That depends on your definition of worse.

Is it worse in the eyes of the law?

Oh yeah, definitely worse. All’s I gotta say is, Ricky Rachtman has no sense of humor.

Let’s move on to the Mets, who almost seem like they’re cursed right now. First Delgado needs hip surgery, then the entire team gets the flu. Now JJ Putz might need surgery and Reyes has a torn hamstring. How are you dealing with all of this?

I never expected nothin from Putz anyway. How can you count on good things from a guy with a name like that?

You mean…

I don’t trust nobody named JJ. He totally hijacked Good Times. I blame him for John Amos getting written off the show.

Oh, I thought you were gonna make some joke about his last name.

What about it? I guess it sounds kinda funny, but that’s just cuz it’s German. I mean, it ain’t like his last name is Dick or Cock or something.

Let’s just move on. What about Reyes? How long do you think he’s gonna be out?

He ain’t hurt, he’s just fakin it so he don’t have to play. He’s sulkin cuz they won’t let him dance on the bases no more. I heard he wanted to bring a choreographer into the dugout.

Where’d you hear that?

Francesa did four shows on it last week.

I’m pretty sure Reyes is really hurt. They did an MRI that showed he had a slightly torn hamstring.

You can fake an MRI result. I got a buddy that got injured on the job, but his boss wouldn’t believe him until he got it checked out. So he used this special magnet watchmacallit to mess with the machine. Not only did he get workman’s comp out of it, but they had to give him maternity leave, too.

How could that be possible?

Hey, I’m just tellin you what he told me. The guy had to go to Lamaze classes and stuff, but it was worth it.

It’s gonna be hard for the Mets to keep pace with the Phillies until Reyes and/or Delgado get back, if they ever do get back.

*pfft* The Phillies. Please. The Phillies stink.

They’ve won 7 games in a row.

That don’t mean nothin.

It kind of does. And they won the World Series last year.

No, they stink, and I’ll tell you why. Because Philadelphia stinks, and it will always be a second class city. New York is better in every single way. We got art, music, culture, diversity, life! This is the greatest city in the world!

So you go into the city a lot to take advantage of all those things?

You kiddin me? I ain’t drivin into the city! You get a $150 ticket just for lookin at a stop sign the wrong way.

You could always take the train.

Or I could French kiss a toilet. It’d be a lot faster way of gettin some horrible disease.

As always, thanks for joining us, Sean

The pleasure was all yours.