Baseball

The Internet Redeems Itself Again

Sometimes I think we should blow up the internet and just become hermits. In this case, sometimes = when I am baselessly criticized on it.

I don’t mean when someone merely disagrees with me, because I enjoy debating people. But debate does not happen as often as it probably should. This is mostly because the vast majority of what I write falls into black hole, never to be read again. But it’s also in part because the internet does something to people’s brains, where it turns off the filter in their mind and causes them to spew the first dumb reaction that crosses a synapse.

Just within the past week, here’s what I’ve had flung my way:

  • A snotty comment on this site about the Inappropriate Walk Up Music series, which didn’t let the fact that s/he entirely missed the point keep them from leaving completely unconstructive criticism
  • A response tweet from someone bothered by the amount of “pimping” I’m doing for The Amazin Avenue Annual, because I guess I’m the only person who uses Twitter to promote his work
  • Two “dislikes” on a YouTube video I posted from last year’s WFMU Pledge Marathon

That last one really bothered me, because said video features a live Nerd-Off between Patton Oswalt and John Hodgman. Seriously, internet? This video is the kind of thing the internet was created for (well, that and to speed up military communication). If you can’t get down with that, you just hate life.

This is typical of the Internet Bully, who lives to shit all over everything, contribute nothing positive or constructive, and never have to receive reciprocal treatment because they’ve never made anything in their lives.

It’s enough to make you give up on silicon, I tells ya. But just when thought I’d lost faith in the internet altogether, it redeems itself. What could pull me back from the brink of asceticism?

This site, dedicated to the collection of ice cream sundae baseball helmets. At least one example from every team in the majors, plus quite a few minor league squads, with examples going back as far as the early 1970s. Amidst a sea of fetid, rotting cynicism and ignorance, an island of hope and purity.

I am firmly of the belief that ice cream of any make, flavor, or consistency is enhanced by being placed in a miniature plastic baseball helmet. My mom had a collection of such helmets–mostly Mets but some Red Sox from a trip to Boston–and I did not eat ice cream out of any other receptacle until I was in college. Seriously.

We have one in my house now, from a trip to CitiField on a hot summer day last year, when The Baby insisted on getting some Carvel (which promptly turned into sprinkle soup). I have seriously curtailed my ice cream intake lately, because I like seeing my own feet, but when I do eat it, I must do so out of this helmet. To keep the tradition alive, if The Baby gets ice cream, she also gets The Helmet.

Bless you, sir. The internet was never meant for one as beautiful as you.

Inappropriate Walk Up Music 2011

Inappropriate Walk Up Music: “Goodbye Cruel World”

For an intro to this series, click here. For the original series way back in 2009, click here.

One of my collegiate roommates had had an extensive music collection. Most of it fell under the heading of punk, with a particular fondness for Johnny Thunders live bootlegs where poor Johnny was barely coherent. (I remember one that started out with him announcing, in his intensely Elmhurstian accent, “This song goes out ta Yassah Arafat. I heah he’s movin ta Queens.”) But he also had a weakness for doo wop of the late 1950s/early 1960s, the more New York-y the better (think Dion).

In keeping with this latter category, he had a few Billboard compilations from that era. Once, he burst into my room and demanded I listen to a song from the 1961 collection because it was so singularly bizarre: “Goodbye Cruel World” by James Darren.

Mr. Darren was best known as an actor, most notably as Moondoggie in the Gidget movies. He also had a recurring gig on T.J. Hooker. If you’re a nerd of more recent vintage, you may recall him as the holographic crooner Vic Fontaine on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. But he enjoyed a singing career in the early 1960s, and “Goodbye Cruel World” was his biggest hit, charting at #3 on the Billboard Hot 100 for 1961.

The pre-Beatles pop music landscape was really weird. If you weren’t aware of that fact before, you will be now. “Goodbye Cruel World” is a song in which the protagonist uses the titular phrase to signify that he’s “off to join the circus” to be “a broken-hearted clown.”

Let’s review: A song named after a saying that usually means someone is going to kill themselves, weirdly censored to mean the singer is merely becoming a carny, was the third biggest hit in 1961.

The circus milieu of this composition was not subtle, either. The song has blaring carnival horns, booming drums, and calliopes. It’s like “What’s New Pussycat,” only a thousand times less swinging. And I know that if I ever saw a batter come up to the plate to it, I would lose my mind.

The Funny, Tuneage

TomThon Part Two: Nerds in Paradise

This is a friendly reminder that the second installment of TomThon takes place tonight. If you have not yet pledged some cash to keep the freeform station of the nation on the air, now is the chance. If you have pledged already, you are awesome. Maybe you can be even more awesome and dig a little deeper? Give it some thought.

Last week, I gave everyone a litany of reasons to donate funds to WFMU. I won’t repeat all of those points, though if you want some more, Julie Klausner posted her own reasons for donating at Gothamist. But I will reiterate why you may want to donate during tonight’s installment of The Best Show on WFMU. A mere $75 dollars will not only get you some great swag from the station itself, but also:

  • A Best Show poster drawn by legendary comic artist Charles Burns (Black Hole, Dog Boy)
  • The amazing Wu-Tang-esque Best Show t-shirt seen here
  • A 7″ called “Rated G.G.,” containing cleaned-up versions of G.G. Allin songs performed by Ted Leo, Fucked Up, Ben Gibbard, and many more
  • A digital download of said 7″, which also includes not only the single’s contents, but some ultra-rare material from Scharpling & Wurster, among others

For TomThon Phase One, host Tom Scharpling gave away some amazing random prizes, too, such as a Monty Python DVD boxed set signed by Terry Gilliam. If you donate this week, you will be in the running to win prizes that are just as fabulous. What could possibly be as fabulous? How about:

  • A single and LP signed by Conan O’Brien
  • A copy of I Am America signed by Stephen Colbert
  • Books signed by Chris Elliott, PLUS a copy of Daddy’s Boy signed by both Chris AND Bob Elliott

As if this wasn’t enough, there will be other fantastic giveaways autographed by tonight’s in-studio guests. That includes Mr. Leo and Carl Newman, who will stop by the studio for the second week in a row for your musical enjoyment. They will be joined by songsmith Kurt Vile and wordsmith John Hodgman, and I’m sure all of them have awesome things planned for the event.

What if you can’t actually donate during the show for some reason? Just email toms@wfmu.org with your pledge. You will be in the running for any and all prizes given away during the show. Sound good?

I did some phone slaving this weekend at the WFMU studios, and trust me when I say that every donation is welcomed. I took more than a few $15 donations, and if that’s what you can spare, it is more than appreciated. Altogether, we raised over $11,000 for Terre T’s awesome show. Every little bit helps.

Tom has also issued a challenges to see who can get the biggest celebrity to RT this event on Twitter. I’m just throwing this out there on the off chance that I have any big shots who frequent this site. Or, maybe you’re a regular schmoe reading this site who knows some big wigs yourself, in which case you could get them to RT and win said challenge. By all means, do it. That way, we all win.

And again, if you can’t spare cash, spare some time to spread the word on Twitter, Facebook, your blog, any message boards you frequent, random telephone poles, whatever. It all helps.

Tune in, turn on, and turn out (your wallets), tonight at 9pm. DON’T STOP NOW.

A potentially explosive collection of verbal irritants