Monthly Archives: April 2010

Interweb

Once Again, the Internet Wins

mario.pngThere are many things to not like about the Interweb. Sure, maybe information travels too fast and trends are hocked up and discarded with little care and people say things to one another online they’d never dare say to each other’s faces. And don’t get me started on the comments section of most sites. Even sites I enjoy immensely have an insane amount of douchetacular commenters.

But obviously, since I’m writing this for a webbed site, there are plenty of things to love about the internet. Overall, I’d have to say World Wide Web (c) has been been a force for good in the world. And now this theory has been scientifically proven.

How? By this amazing, amazing, super amazing game called Super Mario Crossover. It came to my attention thanks to a tweet by Wezen-Ball.com (the site that calculated the baseball stats for Charlie Brown and his horrible team).

This game is essentially the original Super Mario Brothers game, BUT you can not only play as Mario. Oh no. You can also play as one of five other characters from classic NES games: Simon Belmont from Castlevania, Samus Aran from Metroid, Link from The Legend of Zelda, Mega Man, and one of the dudes from Contra (they call him Bill R.).

Each character can pretty much do what s/he does in their original game, only they’re doing it in the world of Super Mario Brothers. So you can whip Goombas with a boomerang as Link, or literally whip Koopas as Simon, or just blow blocks away with your arm cannon as Mega Man. And as you play, you hear the music from the original games, too, which changes as you progress through the boards (in the underground World 1-2, when you play as Link, you hear the theme from Zelda 2).

You will waste countless hours playing this. You should waste countless hours doing this.

NYC

Now It Is You Who Are Wrong

bikes.jpgI hate when people/things I like attract people who are jerks. Fandom is a perfect example of this phenomenon. As a fan of a certain team, you want to believe that your fellow fans of said team are righteous, caring souls. And then you go to the stadium to see a game a realize, “Jesus, there are a lot of douches in this place.” Every time I think Mets fans are somehow morally superior to partisans of That Other Team, I remember that Bill O’Reilly is a Mets fan.

I am pro-bike. I don’t really bike myself, but I have a lot of friends who use bikes as their primary mode of transportation. I like that the city has installed bike-only lanes along the Brooklyn waterfront. I like that the idiot cop who senselessly laid into a Critical Mass biker was found guilty of lying about his report on the incident.

Unfortunately, my recent interactions with bikers in the street–both as a pedestrian and a driver/passenger–tell me that bikers are just as capable of being assholes as anyone else.

Incident Number 1: Most days, I ride the bus to work in the morning. The tail end of my commute goes down Navy Street, right by the main approach to the Brooklyn Bridge. Navy Street is split down the middle by a dedicated bike lane. On this particular morning, both my bus and a biker reached the intersection of Navy and Gold right at the same time, at a point where the bus turns left. The biker, paying absolutely no attention at all, keeps speeding on, nearly smacking into the side of the bus.

In a huff, the biker hops off his bike. He has wavy blond hair, a full red face, and khaki shorts, like Hansel all grown. He points to a sign at the intersection, screaming CAN’T YOU READ?! The sign in question indicated no left turns. But had he himself kept reading, he would have seen the bottom part of the sign, which says EXCEPT BUSES. Obliviously, he sped on, making sure to take the most circuitous route possible around the bus to delay us all as punishment. The light had changed by this point, so he was holding up traffic in all directions.

Incident Number 2: I’m in Greenpoint, walking down Meserole Street. As I reach an intersection, at a one-way street that has a stop sign, a biker is speeding like mad, with no intention of stopping. He sees me and slams on his brakes, a few feet short of me. I’m startled, but say nothing and move on. He starts up again, makes a left on Meserole (going the wrong way down a one-way street) and screams at me as he passes, I SKIDDED FOR YOU, YOU’RE WELCOME.

I should thank you for not ignoring all the traffic laws and barreling into me? Sure. That reminds me to thank everyone else I saw today for not stabbing me in the face.

The Parallel Universe Fake Mets

The Parallel Universe Fake Mets: Games 20-22

pufm20.pngGame 20: Dodgers 5, Mets 3 (23)
In a game that took three years off my life, the Fake Mets took an early lead on a Fake Jason Bay 2-run homer. But the Fake Dodgers battled back to tie, and the game dragged on into the wee hours. The Fake Mets mounted numerous threats but could not push a run across, and a homer by Fake Rafael Furcal in the top of the 21st inning seemed to doom their chances. But Fake Jose Reyes led off the bottom half with a single, stole second, advanced to third on a wild pitch from Fake Jonathan Broxton, and scored on a sac fly, thus prolonging the agony. The Fake Dodgers lay in the weeds until the 23rd inning, when a 2-run double by Fake Russell Martin put them back on top. The Fake Mets could not mount another comeback, and suffered another agonizing loss.

In real life: In the first half of a rain-necessitated doubleheader, Johan Santana blanked the Dodgers through six innings, while the Mets converted some timely hitting en route to a 4-0 win. Jason Bay finally hit his first home run as a Met.

Game 21: Dodgers 2, Mets 1
Fake Johan Santana kept the Fake Dodgers off the board for seven innings, while his teammates could do very little against Fake Eric Stults. In the bottom of the seventh, they finally pushed across a run when a slow roller by Fake Jason Bay was thrown away, allowing Fake Jose Reyes to score. But Santana faltered in the eighth, giving up a leadoff homer to Fake Casey Blake, then a two-out go-ahead RBI single to Fake Rafael Furcal. The Fake Mets’ anemic offense could not recover.

In real life: In the cold and blustery nightcap, Oliver Perez couldn’t get through 4 innings or make an early 3-0 lead stand up. But Hisanori Takahashi played hero again, and the Mets’ bats came alive with a 3-run fifth and a 4-run sixth, capped by a bases-clearing triple by David Wright. Mets roll on to win 10-5.

Game 22: Mets 3, Dodgers 2
The Fake Mets took an early 1-0 lead off of Fake Chad Billingsley, but the Fake Dodgers got runs in the fourth and seventh innings on identical circumstances: leadoff hit by Fake Russell Martin, intentional walk to Fake Manny Ramirez to try for a double play, only to see a two-out RBI hit from Fake Andre Ethier. Fake Carlos Beltran singled in the bottom of the seventh and eventually came around to score on a Fake Daniel Murphy groundout. Then in the eighth, Fake Jose Reyes led off with a single, then scored the winning run on a hit by Fake Jeff Francoeur. Fake Frankie Rodriguez pitched a 1-2-3 ninth to preserve the win and salvage the last game of the series.

I should also note that, on the computer’s recommendation, I rested a “tired” Fake David Wright in this game. Although I did not take its insane suggestion to swap Fake Jeff Francoeur and Fake Jose Reyes in the batting order.

In real life: John Maine had a good bounceback outing with 6 solid innings and 9 strikeouts. The Mets touched up rookie John Ely for 4 second inning runs and never looked back on their way to a 7-3 victory, their seventh in a row, and the culmination of a 9-1 homestand.

Parallel Universe Fake Mets record: 8-14

Real Mets record: 13-9