Your New President: Sultan’s Feast

I’m almost tempted to dump this Trump feature already, since I feel that Obama’s trifecta of releasing his birth certificate, roasting The Donald at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, and KILLING OSAMA BIN LADEN has destroyed whatever momentum the cancerous little troll once had.

Then again, Election Day 2012 is still a long way away, and anything can happen between now and then. So assuming Trump does not go away any time soon, here’s another item from the man who wants to be our next Commander-in-Chief: the Yelp page for the Sultan’s Feast buffet at Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City, which came to my attention thanks to the latest Celebrity Apprentice recap by Tom Scharpling at New York Magazine.

Granted, casino buffets are not the places to go for fine cuisine, and it may be a little unfair to fault Trump for one small piece of his empire. But then again, is it so unfair? Shouldn’t someone who wants to be the most powerful man in the free world have a grip on all the details of his business? I’m inclined to say yes. Plus, these reviews are hilarious.

Keep in mind, eating at this dump will set you back $25, which ain’t cheap where I come from. Sure, it’s all you can eat, but does that matter when the offerings are inedible?

Here’s a few choice reviews:

  • “Like the hotel, the Sultan’s Feast is old and in dire need of a makeover…and I wouldn’t go back….knowing what I know now, I would have rather spent $20 for 2 at McDonald’s than $45 here.  At least with my McDonald’s meal, I would have known what to expect and still would have left satisfied.” — iza p.
  • “It’s not like I expect casino buffets to be any good, but this place was just unbelievably horrible.” — Sallina Y.
  • “Easily the worst meal I had, in a sea of terrible Atlantic City food….the clams were acceptable, but I was frankly too scared to eat them and the crab legs – seemed like a food poisoning accident waiting to happen.” — MaryE M.
  • “the casino tried the old bait-and-switch on us by handing us the wrong coupons.  So we had to wait in a huge line while they straightened it out.” — Chris K.
  • “Oh man! I feel sick. Perhaps one of the more disgusting buffets I have ever had the pleasure of visiting…I was amazed by the amount of food some of these people were inhaling. I’d almost give it an additional star just for the people watching but then again, who really wants to see that?? I left the place feeling impregnated with mac and cheese, with the realization that technically I would never need or want to eat again.” — Danielle F.
  • “The decor here is stuck somewhere between the Brady Bunch and Knight Rider.  My college dorm had food that looked more appetizing and it’s unlikely that the federal government would have even subjected Iraqi prisoners in Abu Ghraib to this fare…My pork chop didn’t look quite right and tasted equally odd.  I couldn’t place it so I had my friend try it.  ‘Dude,’ he said, ‘that’s ham steak.’ Awesome.” — Oksi B.
  • “We went to this buffet for breakfast on a Monday morning and it was TERRIBAD, yes it was so bad that I have to use a non-word to describe it.” — Edward B.
  • “Crab Legs – Samples were tried from 2 separate batches that were brought out over the 30 minutes we were in the establishment and both found that the legs were soft and not conventionally cracked. Spoke to management about the issue and we were blown off!” — Scott V.

But Mary M. sums it up perfectly: “it just don’t live up to a real feast for sultan.” No it don’t, Mary.

Should the man who runs this buffet run our nation? You decide, American voter!

  • Anonymous

    Given a choice, would you really let the American voter decide?

  • http://twitter.com/AdamDCallan AdamDCallan

    Normally I wouldn’t care since, as you pointed out, casino buffets are traditionally awful. But the way this douche prattles on about the Trump brand; how awesome, and classy, and luxurious it is. Your casinos are garbage (that Brady Bunch by way of Knight Rider comment was right on) and your Towers are an eyesore. Is he really this delusional, or does he know he’s completely full of shit?

    • http://scratchbomb.com scratchbomb

      he’s a hero to dumb slobs who wish they were as rich as him. that’s basically it. and he hopes he can BS his way into the politics the way he’s BS’ed through his entire life.