Tag Archives: tony larussa

Schadenfreuders Unanimous

Schadenfreuders Unanimous: World Series Game 1

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So just before the playoffs started, I announced my intentions to do some recaps of the games and whatnot. Before doing so, I did not remember/calculate exactly how effin’ busy I’d be over those weeks. And so I was forced to not deliver on my promise for the first two rounds. I regret not being able to do this for the LDSes, all of which turned out to be pretty amazing, though I’m a bit relieved I couldn’t make it up in the LCSes, which, apart from a few games, were snooze fests.

Am I excited about this World Series matchup? Not exactly. Or not at all, actually. I’d hoped for a Detroit-Milwaukee series, for reasons that escape me now. Rust versus Cheese! Alas, t’was not to be, and so I have to decide between my generalized dislike for Texas (or maybe just the idea of Texas) and my specific dislike of Tony LaRussa. The Cardinals’ unlikely road to the Fall Classic has more annoyed me than intrigued me, even if they picked off the Phillies along the way, while the Rangers are one of those teams I was once happy to go years without thinking about.

But, since I went through the trouble of announcing this dumb feature and even made a blog category for it and everything, I present to you my in-time observations of this historic game one (in that it is technically part of history). All of the carnage after the jump.

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Baseball

Tony LaRussa Shall Not Be Mocked

Do you hear those insolent fans, Yadier?

Yes, sire. I believe that’s the local custom of “giving you the business.”

I care not a whit for what these barbarians call it in their vulgar dialect. They’re mocking me, Yadier. Me! Would you not say that the Cardinals play the game of baseball the way t’was intended to be played?

No one would dare say otherwise, sire.

And would you also not say that baseball is the Good Lord’s game?

Certainly, sire.

Of course you would. Therefore, it follows that the Almighty has appointed me to rule these Cardinals. To stand for such insolence against me would be to mock His Divine Will. And that I cannot brook! Instruct the pitcher to hurl the sphere toward one of their beloved favorites.

Certainly, sire. I will command him to dent Ryan Braun’s upper back. Will that be all?

Continue reading Tony LaRussa Shall Not Be Mocked →

Baseball, Politics Schmolitics

Glenn Beck, Tony LaRussa, and the Apolitical Event

Thumbnail image for glennbeck.jpgTony, I would like you come to my “Restoring Honor” rally in Washington. Albert Pujols will be a guest of honor and it would be great if you could introduce him.
larussa2.jpgGee, I don’t know, Glenn. As a public figure, I have to be careful what I associate myself with. I usually shy away from politics.
Thumbnail image for glennbeck.jpgDon’t worry, Tony this is a completely apolitical event.
larussa2.jpgReally? Sarah Palin is speaking at it.
Thumbnail image for glennbeck.jpgShe’s not a politician anymore–she resigned the guberna…gubernavit….she’s not governor anymore, remember?
larussa2.jpgAnd it’s taking place on the exact same date in the exact same place as Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech, and you said your goal for this event is to “reclaim the civil rights movement”.
Thumbnail image for glennbeck.jpgCivil rights aren’t a political issue, Tony–they’re a human issue. All American citizens should have the right to live and work the way they choose. That’s an issue that transcends politics, wouldn’t you agree?
larussa2.jpgI suppose so.
Thumbnail image for glennbeck.jpgAnd so is the right to hoard gold for the impending cash-less economic system the radical socialists in the quote-unquote Democratic party plan to foist on America by the year 2013.
larussa2.jpgThat sounds kind of political.
Thumbnail image for glennbeck.jpgOh, it’s definitely not. Because the Democrats insist on absolute separation of church and state, and the liberal fascists in the Obama administration are bent on removing religion from every imaginable public sphere. So if we believe in God, we ipso facto cannot be political, in their eyes! You believe in God, don’t you, Tony?


larussa2.jpgI’m not really religious, but I guess I believe in God.
Thumbnail image for glennbeck.jpgGood! You’ll need to pray to that god when the new world order tries to brand your babies with a UPC-type symbol so the one-world government can track them at all times.
larussa2.jpgWhy do you think that’s going to happen?
Thumbnail image for glennbeck.jpg/pulls out chalkboard with Rube Goldergian swirl of arrows
larussa2.jpgWow, that is convincing. But you swear this isn’t political.
Thumbnail image for glennbeck.jpgNot in the least. Though we may all grab pitchforks and march on the White House and attempt to overthrow the government by sheer force of will. Not sure; we’re gonna play it by ear.
larussa2.jpgSounds like a blast. Will there be vegetarian meal options offered at this event?
Thumbnail image for glennbeck.jpgExcuse me?
larussa2.jpgWill there be vegetarian meal options? Because I’m a vegetarian.
Thumbnail image for glennbeck.jpgYOU’RE ONE OF THEM!
/ Body Snatchers-esque screech