For previous Inappropriate Walk Up Music posts, click here.
Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up
music.
These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.
Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:
* “Seven Nation Army”, The Flaming Lips
I’m sure there’s several dozen major leaguers who walk up to the batter’s box to the original White Stripes version. I’d love to see someone switch out the CDs and hear an entire stadium reverberate with Gibby Haynes-penned lines like “I’m goin to Florida/I’m gonna bowl me a perfect game/I’m goin to Florida/I’m gonna cut off both my legs…”
* “Shut Up”, The Monks
This could actually be quite appropriate. Musically, it rocks pretty hard, as do most of The Monks’ tunes. The inappropriateness comes from the band’s image, their lyrics, their backstory, and their general outlook on life. They were all servicemen who played together in a band at their army base in Germany in the mid-60s. After their hitch ended, they stayed on in Hamburg to try and crack the same swingin’ scene that birthed the Beatles. In a pique of collective madness, they renamed themselves The Monks and dressed like monks everywhere they went (even cutting their hair in tonsures). Luckily for them, Germany’s just about the only country in the world where this act would fly.
The Monks made stompin’ garage rock that was also darker than pretty much anything else circa-1965. It was probably as dark as anything, musically, until punk appeared 10 years later. They put out one album in Europe that was fucking incredible, then imploded from collective insanity and burnout. Here’s a video to demonstrate the full extent of their crazy-tude.
* “I’d Rather Jack”, The Reynold Girls
There’s a Worst Song Ever thread going on at the Friends of Tom forum. FOT mike_b posted this video there, and while I can’t say it’s the worst song ever, I am astounded by its aggressively 1989-ish brand of pop suckitude. What makes it perfect for this post is that “I’d Rather Jack” could sort of apply to a batter (as in, I’d rather jack a home run over the center field wall), except that it’s really a song about chicks who hate Fleetwood Mac and have decided to express this hatred to a Rick Astley beat.