Ms. Speaker, before we vote on this potentially historic health care reform bill, I want you to hear from Maddie. Maddie is the seven-month-old daughter of my chief of staff. Maddie loves freedom, and Maddie thinks the passage of this bill will speed our great nation down the thorny path to socialism. Say hello to the nice congresspersons, Maddie!

Boy, what a buncha losers!

Oh, come on now, Maddie! These are all my distinguished colleagues from various states of our great nation, and they’ve come here to debate the health care reform bill.

No wonder! They all look pretty sick to me!

There you go again, Maddie! What are we going to do with you? Weren’t you just telling me in my office how much you love freedom, and how scared you are that this bill will endanger that precious freedom that so many Americans have laid down their lives to protect?

Were those Americans killed by your breath? Cuz it’s pretty brutal right now!

Maddie, stop, please! I’m trying to discuss something very serious, and all you want to do is clown around!

Clowning around? I don’t even know what a clown is–my brain’s the size of an orange and I think plastic keys are the most entertaining thing ever invented!

Oh, Maddie! Well, that’s all the time I have. Thank you, fellow representatives! Stay tuned for funnyman Dennis Kucinich!