Tag Archives: reds

The Parallel Universe Fake Mets

The Parallel Universe Fake Mets: Games 26-28

Game 26: Mets 1, Reds 0
The Fake Mets’ bats were silent against Fake Aaron Harang until Fake Jeff Francoeur led off the top of the seventh with a home run. They would get no more runs, but they would need no more, thanks to a stellar complete game shutout from Fake Johan Santana.

In real life: Oliver Perez turned in a decent outing, but the Mets left several scoring opportunities by the wayside, and the Reds were walkoff winners on a pinch hit homer by Laynce Nix in the bottom of the 11th.

Game 27: Reds 3, Mets 1
The Fake Mets scratched out a run in the top of the first, thanks to a wild pitch from Fake Edinson Volquez (who is neither injured nor suspended in this universe). But they could do nothing else, as they grounded into an astounding six double plays. Fake Ramon Hernandez hit a two-run homer in the third, and Fake Joey Votto hit a solo shot in the sixth to account for Fake Cincinnati’s scoring.

In real life: The Mets let a 4-2 get away from them when Fernando Nieve gave up consecutive solo home runs to Joey Votto and Scott Rolen. But Rod Barajas hit one of his own off of Francisco Cordero in the top of the ninth, and Frankie Rodriguez made the 5-4 score stand up.

pufm027.pngGame 28: Mets 3, Reds 1
Fake David Wright belted a two-run homer off of Fake Bronson Arroyo in the top of the fourth, and Fake Jason Bay added an RBI double in the top of the eighth to account for all of the Fake Mets’ scoring. Fake Oliver Perez turned in a great outing, going 7 2/3 innings, and Fake K-Rod earned his sixth save of the year.

In real life: The Mets rallied to tie the game at 4 against Francisco Cordero in the top of the ninth, but Pedro Feliciano gave up a walkoff homer to the first batter he faced in the bottom of the 10th (Orlando Cabrera), and thus the Reds took the series.

Parallel Universe Fake Mets record: 15-13
Real Mets record: 12-16

Baseball

Scratchbomb’s Thoroughly Compromised 2010 MLB Preview: NL Central

harrycaray.jpgCHICAGO CUBS

2009 record: 83-78

Local weather: If you don’t like it, just wait a minute!* (* joke stolen from your grampa)

Namesake: The smaller partner in a “bear” relationship

Has it really been 102 years since they won a World Series?: Yes, but some days it only feels like 75.

Perpetually overused team-related headline: Lovable Losers. How many losers have you known that were lovable? Most losers are bitter, sour human beings.

Best name on 40-man roster: Esmailin Caridad, because when you’re Esmailin, the whole world esmailes with you.

The That Guy’s on This Team? Award: Kevin Millar. Or as he used to be known by guys named Sully, MILLAHHHHHH!

Spring standout: Youngster Tyler Colvin, who’s not only batting .468, but is also not a pitcher, so he can’t have a Kerry Wood/Mark Prior-style flameout.

Probable Opening Day starter: Carlos Zambrano, provided he doesn’t get into a scrape with a Gatorade cooler first.

Biggest question for 2010: In what ways will the fates cruelly toy with this team this season?

Advantage to start the season: Arctic conditions will adversely affect visiting teams who have not brought their own Sherpas.

Semi-serious assessment: Only the total shitshow that was the 2009 Mets prevented the Cubs from being the most disappointing team in baseball last season. I would expect them to improve, but they’re also relying on a number of players who’ve been hurt off and on the past few seasons (Zambrano, Derrek Lee, Alfonso Soriano, Aramis Ramirez). I could see the Cubs finishing anywhere on the continuum of success. Except winning the World Series, of course. That will never, ever happen. Ever.
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1999 Project

1999 Project: Game 163

Click here for an intro/manifesto on The 1999 Project.

For the second straight season, MLB would have a one-game playoff to decide the winner of the wild card. In 1998, the Mets could have been a part of that playoff–or made the playoff unnecessary by winning the wild card outright. They were not able to do either, as everyone reminded them all year. But in 1999, they pulled themselves back from the brink of disaster, and now they found themselves in Cincinnati for a winner-take-all contest at Cinergy Field (formerly known as Riverfront Stadium).

The game was originally scheduled for a 2:05 start, but was moved up to 7 in the evening to accommodate the bleary-eyed Reds. They waited out a five hour, 47 minute rain delay in Milwaukee, all the while knowing they had to win to keep their season alive. Much like the Mets, they rallied after a near collapse.

Unlike the Mets, the Reds had few expectations placed on them at the beginning of the year. All they had was a meager $33 million payroll and no real superstars, save maybe team captain Barry Larkin. They shocked baseball by not only being competitive throughout the season, but remaining in playoff picture. They got hot in September, threatening the postseason plans of both the Mets and the Astros, before stumbling against the Brewers in the final weekend.

The Reds’ manager, Jack McKeon, was much older and much more old school than the Mets’ skipper. His team did not celebrate on the field once they finally defeated the Brewers in the last scheduled game of the year. (“What were we going to celebrate?” he asked. “We didn’t win anything.”) But he was fond of trying Bobby V-style gamesmanship. In their head-to-head meetings, McKeon twice pointed out some obscure technicality to the umpires, forcing a Mets pitcher to change his uniform or some piece of equipment (and thoroughly annoying Valentine).

He also had one more glaring similarity with Bobby Valentine. In 11 seasons of managing, which included stints in Kansas City, Oakland, and San Diego, McKeon had never managed in the postseason.

Someone’s unfortunate streak would end here.
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