For previous Inappropriate Walk Up Music posts, click here.

Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up
music.

These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.

Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:

* “Dare Me”, The Pointer Sisters
The Wife told me she wanted to compile a list of awesome Walk Up Music for the players on her fantasy team–like, what should play as they come to bat. So I suggested she google each of them and find out their real walk up music. She discovered that “Dare Me” is Derrek Lee’s actual walk up music. What makes this even weirder is that the Cubs don’t play prerecorded music at Wrigley Field–all songs are played by their organist. So imagine this song played on a stadium-sized organ. And envision the creepy drag-king gangster Pointer Sisters in the video. If that ain’t inappropriate, tell me what is.

* “Fistful of Love”, Antony and the Johnsons
I avoided hearing these guys for a long time. This weekend, I finally did, and I’ve heard about as much as I need to, thank you very much. The singer (Antony, I assume?) sounds like a slightly bassier version of Tiny Tim. Hard to pick one song, but I’ll go with this one for the double entendres implied by its title.

* “Take My Breath Away”, Berlin
Both because it’s a sappy, synth-filled love ballad, and because it was on the soundtrack to Top Gun, which is straight up the gayest movie every made.