It’s Friday! Procrastinate and count down to happy hour with these lovely bits!
Do you love the Muppets? That’s a trick question. Of course you do. After all, you’re a human being with a sense of humor and a soul. Only an inhuman monster would not like the Muppets. I would not care to be in the same room or ever meet such a quote-unquote person.
Yesterday, the tweeting of Chunklet led me to this YouTube gem. It’s a camera test for the first Muppet movie (aptly titled The Muppet Movie). I don’t know who posted this, but I owe you a few beers. Words can not express how happy this video made me. In it, Kermit and Fozzie engage in an existential meta-conversation about what they are, exactly. Plus, Miss Piggy admits to a horrible, horrible crime.
There is another video from the same session, apparently, which is not quite as brilliant but still has some amazing dialogue in it. For instance, Fozzie wondering why the car he’s riding in does not have a stove.
This next thing is not a video per se, but it’s my damn site and I’ll promote whatever the hell I want. The illustrious Paul F. Tompkins and Tom Scharpling appeared together on a special two-part edition of the podcast Comedy and Everything Else. It made for nearly four hours of non-stop hilarity. I particularly like Tom’s reasoning for why he shouldn’t have to sit through the Sarah McLachlan animal cruelty PSA’s. Subscribe now and listen to it all. You won’t be sorry.
Readers of this site know that I’m a huge fan of The Best Show on WFMU. Last night, host Tom Scharpling welcomed famous comedienne Paul F. Tompkins into the the studio. Mr. Tompkins is a frequent guest, and he always brings The Funny when he makes the trip out to Jersey City.
But even judged against these high standards, last night’s episode was more wonderful than one could possibly imagine. Paul and Tom took a piece of YouTube straw and spun it into Comedy Gold. Nay, Comedy Platinum!
The YouTubery in question: a promo for the 10th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos!
Tom and Paul went through this video piece by insane piece, examining just how moronic/white-trashy/lawsuit-inducing the whole affair is. Ninety seconds of commercial led to a good hour and a half of non-stop hilarity.
I encourage everyone to go listen to the archived show now (if you must skip ahead, The Gathering discussion begins at 1:27). You will not be sorry. Their dissection of the curious etymology of Violent J’s Beach Boys BBQ Blowout Bash Blast is worth the price of admission alone. But there’s oh so much more. Last night, I was pacing my kitchen and punching my fridge in a vain attempt to catch my breath. That’s how hard I was laughing. (And my fridge has had it coming for MONTHS now.)
I won’t go through the video, since Tom and Paul did it so brilliantly already. But here are some things that I was blissfully unaware of until last night:
The Insane Clown Posse still exists.
Not only does the Insane Clown Posse still exist, but they’ve built themselves into a white trash media empire. Kinda like Jimmy Buffett, but with more barbed wire wrasslin’.
This Gathering thing has been going on for ten years. Nirvana didn’t exist for ten years. Black Flag didn’t exist for ten years. The Beatles didn’t even exist for ten years. But this thing has.
Rowdy Roddy Piper is apparently a comedian. Or at least he will appear at The Gathering’s Fresh Ass Comedy Tent. My guess is his act involves taunting Hulk Hogan and buffing Gene Okerlund’s bald head with a chamois. Or he just recites lines from They Live.
Among its many attractions, The Gathering includes seminars. On what? No idea. Maybe an afternoon of affirmations and punching with Violent Joel Osteen? And are ICP signed up with WebEx? Because I’d love to catch a webcast of that seminar if I can’t go in person.
ICP describes itself as “the most hated band in America” with “the most understood fan base”. I think The Grateful Dead might take issue with those statements.
Did that video whet your appetite? If so, check out this 14-minute infomercial on The Gathering of the Juggalos to check out some of the worst things Humanity has to offer. I just hope this video hasn’t been beamed out into space. Because if an advanced alien race sees it, they will lay waste to this planet as soon as they can.
If nothing else, The Gathering of the Juggalos should help law enforcement officials. If they just rounded up everyone who showed up to it, both meth consumption and meth production would be cut in half overnight.
This morning, at the corner of Flushing and Throop, I saw a dad pushing a stroller. The dad wore an aggressive-looking uniform with a shield-shaped badge on the shoulder that says SECURITY. Which could mean anything, of course. He could be on his way to guard a bank or a Chik-Fil-A. But he had the swagger of a man who is dangerous for a living. Shaved head, buff arms. Guy definitely looked intimidating.
But he was pushing a stroller. A very large stroller, with a very cute little girl in it. He was pushing it with one hand, which is not easy to do with those gigundo strollers. And from the look of his belt, he was pushing it with one hand so he could more easily reach the gun holstered at his hip, if need be.
All of this led me to believe that this was his job: protecting this toddler AT ALL COSTS. Like she had accidentally swallowed the key to the nuclear football, or she was born with a birthmark that spelled out the secret formula for time travel. Whatever the reason, this child needed to get where she was going, and FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION.
Which is as good an excuse as any to embed this Paul F. Tompkins video.