Goddammit, I just built me a brand spankin’ football palace, and my team played like this was a sandlot! You fellas should be ashamed a’ yerselves! This was a disgrace, and I wants some answers! My boy Romo threw three picks last night. That is inexcusable! His head needs to be in the game! Someone dropped the ball on this one! What do you have to say for yourself, Franz Ackerman mural?
Yeah, I know that one pick was kind of a freak thing, but it came on a terrible throw! And what about our defense? We just let the Giants march up the field in the last minute and take this game! After we had ’em pinned at their end of the field, first and 20! Two third-down conversions! It’s like you’ve never dealt with a two-minute drill before, Gary Simmons’ “Blue Field Explosions”!
And special teams! Jesus, don’t even get me started on the special teams! I can’t even think of something particular ya did wrong, I’m so angry! An absolute embarrassment! You better have a damn good excuse, Doug Aitken lightbox sculpture!

Ah, you always say that! I’ve had it with this bunch! If the world’s biggest collection of newly commissioned artwork by contemporary American artists can’t win me a football game, goddammit, I’ll commission me some more! And I’ll just keeps commissionin’ til we get us a Super Bowl ring! I got a boy right here what can make us champs again! His name’s Shepard. Shep, tell these losers what we got to do to get back on top!
See, that’s a man what knows how to win!