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Studio 60 on Roosevelt Avenue

Studio 60 on Roosevelt Avenue: Episode 2

STUDIO 60 ON ROOSEVELT AVENUE
EPISODE 2
WRITTEN COMPLETELY BY AARON SORKIN TOTALLY ALONE AND UNDER GREAT DURESS
TO RELIVE THE GENIUS OF THE PILOT EPISODE, CLICK HERE

LOGLINE: Once the nation’s best and most respected baseball GM, Sandy Alderson has been reduced to trying to revive a moribund franchise is the depths of deepest, darkest Queens. Along with his sharp-witted and adoring protégés, he fights off the seemingly endless series of controversies and crises that beset him while trying to run a sports team in the country’s most bustling metropolis, and still look fantastic while doing it. Can the pressures of such an important job crush this singularly talented and gifted individual genius?

ACT I

SANDY ALDERSON’s office, looking out over the majestic replica ball field built on a studio backlot at great expense. The grounds crew waters the field, spraypaints the foul lines, and rolls down new sod. ALDERSON sits on one corner of his desk, leaning on a knee, as his star shortstop JOSE REYES sits across from him, slumped in an office chair, his eyes sad and downcast.

REYES: Sandy, there’s no easy way to say this…

ALDERSON: No one ever got anywhere by saying what’s easy. Just spit it out.

REYES: Fine. I’ve decided to reenter the priesthood.

ALDERSON: [wandering toward the window] I had a feeling that’s where this was headed. We always knew this was a possibility when we drafted you out of that Dominican seminary.

REYES: It kills me to let down the team like this, but it would kill me more not to answer the call of The Lord.

ALDERSON: I completely understand. Of course, there are many aspects of your faith that I find absurd, even offensive. However, I fought for my country so people could believe whatever insane notion they wish.

REYES: I appreciate that, although I’m sorry you feel that way about faith.

ALDERSON: I’m afraid I saw too much in the service to cling to faith anymore. I wouldn’t say I’m mad at God, just a little mad at some of his creations.

REYES: You’re a good man, Sandy. I hope one day The Lord can touch your heart again.

ALDERSON: I hope so too.

REYES: What will you tell the press? The fans?

ALDERSON: That’s no longer your concern. Go. And God bless.

As ALDERSON stares off into the middle distance, the camera pans down onto a groundskeeper raking the infield and lingers on him for an entire minute for some reason as a melancholy cello concerto swells.

Continue reading Studio 60 on Roosevelt Avenue: Episode 2 →

Studio 60 on Roosevelt Avenue

Studio 60 on Roosevelt Avenue

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STUDIO 60 ON ROOSEVELT AVENUE
PILOT
WRITTEN COMPLETELY BY AARON SORKIN TOTALLY ALONE AND UNDER GREAT DURESS

LOGLINE: Once the nation’s best and most respected baseball GM, Sandy Alderson has been reduced to trying to revive a moribund franchise is the depths of deepest, darkest Queens. Along with his sharp-witted and adoring protégés, he fights off the seemingly endless series of controversies and crises that beset him while trying to run a sports team in the country’s most bustling metropolis, and still look fantastic while doing it. Can the pressures of such an important job crush this singularly talented and gifted individual genius?

ACT I

Long tracking shot. We transition from ballplayers talking in front of their lockers to earnest reporters, through a long utility tunnel, and into the team’s lush executive offices. Audio: intermingled bits of in-game sound, post-game interviews, and the typical hustle and bustle of office life. Shot should last at least 7 minutes.

Suits scramble back and forth across a hallway lined with framed covers of old yearbooks, blown up photos of World Series celebrations, etc. SANDY ALDERSON emerges from his office and stalks down the carpet, trailed shortly thereafter by PAUL DEPODESTA.

DEPODESTA: You should look happier, considering tonight’s results.

ALDERSON: This is my happy face, you can’t tell?

DEPODESTA: The team came down from 12 runs down in the bottom of the ninth to win.

ALDERSON: There is no “winning” in this game, Paul.

DEPODESTA: I think there is actually winning in baseball, Sandy.

ALDERSON: We don’t play baseball, we play feeding frenzy. Win or lose, you have to face the reporters who want to know why this guy bunted in the third, or when you’re gonna trade for an ace to bolster the pitching staff. Win or lose, they’re back again the next night, hungry for more. If Sisyphus was alive today, he’d be a GM.

DEPODESTA: If it’s all so pointless, just quit.

ALDERSON: Everything’s pointless, Paul. Might as well do hardest pointless thing there is.

DEPODESTA: Is that what you learned in the Marines, Sandy?

ALDERSON: [shoots a withering look]

DEPODESTA: Sorry, Sandy. I forgot you don’t talk about, well…

Continue reading Studio 60 on Roosevelt Avenue →

Baseball

The Fred Wilpon Roast of the Mets

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So great to be here roasting the Mets, so many memories with this team: the Kenny Rogers walkoff walk, the 2000 World Series, the called third strike to Beltran, two collapses two years in a row…Jesus, is this a baseball team or Gitmo? No, it can’t be Gitmo–even at Gitmo, the torture ends some time.

But I kid the Mets. What a great stadium they have out there in Flushing. It’s really a great monument to a team. That team is the Brooklyn Dodgers, but still. Wanna learn about the storied history of this franchise? Just go to the Mets Hall of Fame, which is just one plaque that says “consult your local library.”

Look at this great collection of ex-Mets we got up here. Shawn Green, Moises Alou, Damion Easley, Jose Valentin…don’t worry, we’ll get you guys outta here in time for the early bird special. Oh, and don’t move that bag of garbage in the seat next to you– that’s all the starting pitchers we used down the stretch in 07 and 08. Someone fix these guys a drink, and faster than than Rick Peterson said he could fix their arm motions.

I see Carlos Beltran over there on the dais. What a guy. I’d give him the shirt off my back. I have, as a matter of fact. This team’s got as much cash on hand as Carlos has working knee ligaments. That’s why I was so mad you didn’t go to Walter Reed Hospital last year, Carlos. I was hoping I could sneak you a quick trip to an MRI tube when no one was looking. Hey, those co-pays aren’t cheap! You think things are bad now, gimme a month. You guys are gonna be scrubbing foul balls for re-use and sleeping in truck stops on road trips.

Jose Reyes, what a racehorse this guy is. It’s a wonder no one’s shot you yet. This guy wants Carl Crawford money? If you sign with the Mets, I can at least guarantee you Carl’s Jr. money. Seriously, I love this guy, but The Terminator called and he wants his weave back. I know we made you play through a hamstring injury and made things worse for you, but at least we didn’t throw you on a cross-country flight while you were concussed. Just ask Ryan Church about that. If you can catch him on one of his “good days.”

David Wright, face of the franchise. And what an exciting face it is, huh folks? This guy once sent back a bowl of vanilla ice cream for being too spicy. He makes Perry Como look street. Don’t worry, Dave, you might not be a superstar, but you’ll always fit in at a Maroon 5 show. No one can take that away from you!

That’s my time, folks. Remember to come out to CitiField to see the best ballclub Buffalo has to offer. Good night!