Tag Archives: matt millen

ESPN Cranks Up the Ultraviolence

stuart_scott.jpgI’m sorry, I have to say something, because I’m boiling up over here. The NFL’s new rules against helmet-to-helmet contact and other vicious hits are just ridiculous. They get my lowest rating ever–only seven booyahs!

millen.jpgI agree with you one hundred percent, Stu. Football is MAN’S sport. It is played by MEN. This is what men DO–smash into one another over and over again until one of their brains is sloshing around like Jello in a Ziploc bag.

stuart_scott.jpgIt’s gonna fag-ify the entire league! Just like in the 80s, when they said Lyle Alzado couldn’t bring his crossbow on the field anymore!

millen.jpgI am just SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW. GOD, I WANNA THROW ROGER GOODELL DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS!

steveyoung.jpgHold on, guys. You don’t have to like all the new rules, but they’re put in place to protect the players. I wish some of them had been enacted when I still played. Maybe that way, I could still tie my own shoes without twitching or crying.

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The NBC Football Night in America Production of Paper Lion

costas2.jpgNBC’s Football Night in America Wild Card Weekend Something or Other is proud to welcome former president of the Lions, Matt Millen. Thanks for being such a good sport and being with us, Matt. I have to say, though, I’m surprised your head is so big. I thought for sure it’d be canteloupe sized. Or at the very least, more of a pinhead shape.

millen.jpgNo, no, I have a normal head.

costas2.jpgFascinating. So you are not legally required to wear some sort of helmet? Not even for insurance purposes? Because surely your skull is as soft as a newborn baby’s. I imagine it as one big fontanel.

millen.jpgAll the seams in my skull knitted together a long time ago.

costas2.jpgHow about a dunce cap, do you usually wear that? Or a propeller beanie? Maybe one of those floppy crowns like Jughead wore?

millen.jpgI don’t care much for hats.

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