Mr. President, Chuck Todd, NBC News. Some have compared this financial crisis to a war, and in times of war, past presidents have called for some form of sacrifice. Why, given this new era of responsibility that you’re asking for, why
haven’t you asked for something specific that the public should be
sacrificing to participate in this economic recovery?
Chuck, I think Americans are sacrificing a lot right now, doing a lot of belt tightening to get through this rough patch…
No, that’s simply not good enough. I think you should demand that the American people sacrifice something very specific.
I don’t really understand what you’re getting at.

I want you to ask Americans to stop eating hot dogs.

Why?

I think they’re gross.

I won’t ask Americans to forego hot dogs just because you don’t like them, Chuck.

What about kielbasa? Certainly Americans should quit their wanton consumption of kielbasa in such a financial environment.

I don’t think a reduction of kielbasa purchases will help our economy one bit

What about those weird mini-pepperoni things? You know, like you see next to the cash register at all-night delis? Yeesh, those things creep me out, glistening in their plastic tubes under the fluorescent light. Ick!

What do those things cost, like, a buck? That’s not gonna break anyone’s budget.

Is there any type of sausage product you’d like Americans to give up for the duration of this economic crisis?

That kind of decision should be made by each individual family. It’s not the president’s job to tell the American people what processed foods they can and can’t eat.

Baloney!

Excuse me? Do you think you know more about the executive branch than I do?!

No, I mean baloney! We can get rid of that, right?

Chuck, if you have issues with luncheon meat, work those out on your own time. Other people at this press conference have questions.

Sure, I understand..oh wait, this just in! The National Science-y Institute says the nation’s supply of Slim Jims is contaminated with Melting Brain Disease! Guess you’ll have to ban those, huh?

No, I’m banning you from presidential press conferences. For three years.

Do you know who you’re talking to? I did those stupid electoral maps all night on MSNBC on Election Day! I MADE YOU, BARRY!