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Studio 60 on Roosevelt Avenue

Studio 60 on Roosevelt Avenue: Episode 5

STUDIO 60 ON ROOSEVELT AVENUE
EPISODE 5
WRITTEN COMPLETELY BY AARON SORKIN TOTALLY ALONE AND UNDER GREAT DURESS
RELIVE THE EXCITING INAUGURAL SEASON!
PILOT | EPISODE 2 | EPISODE 3 | EPISODE 4

LOGLINE: Once the nation’s best and most respected baseball GM, Sandy Alderson has been reduced to trying to revive a moribund franchise is the depths of deepest, darkest Queens. Along with his sharp-witted and adoring protégés, he fights off the seemingly endless series of controversies and crises that beset him while trying to run a sports team in the country’s most bustling metropolis, and still look fantastic while doing it. Can the pressures of such an important job crush this singularly talented and gifted individual genius?

ACT I

Trainer’s room. GRANT LINWOOD is laying on an examination table, holding his knee and grimacing in pain while receiving treatment from a TRAINER. SANDY ALDERSON and DAVID EINHORN look on in the background.

LINWOOD: So how’s it look, doc? Will I ever play the piano again?

TRAINER: Grave 7 strain of your MCL, a Langerhans pull in your ACL, and partial tear of your interior QCL. You would’ve done less damage to your knee with a shotgun.

EINHORN: But he can play tomorrow, right?

TRAINER: Are you kidding? He’ll be lucky to walk tomorrow. I’m gonna stabilize this knee. He’ll have to stay off of it for a month.

EINHORN: A month?! This is my biggest star you’re talking about, my number one box office attraction! If he’s out a month, ticket sales will plummet! This man can not go on the disabled list.

TRAINER: Why don’t you take it up with his knee? Oh wait, you can’t because it’s a joint and it probably has terrible hearing because it’s shot to hell.

EINHORN: Goddammit! You just had to be a showoff and bat on one leg, didn’t you?! You were just daring that pitcher to drill you!

LINWOOD: I had to do it! I promised a sick kid at the hospital I would! Or some broad I met at the bar last night. It’s kinda hazy to me now.

Cut to: Einhorn’s office. He paces the room while ALDERSON stands quietly in a corner, hands thrust in pockets.

EINHORN: This is worse than the time our shortstop got leprosy. What the hell do we do now?

ALDERSON: Not much else to do but put Linwood on the DL and make a call up from the minors.

EINHORN: Oh no, I can’t have Linwood’s place taken by some 20 year old nobody. New Yorkers will not accept a team that doesn’t have superstars at every position. Linwood is not going on the DL and that is final.

ALDERSON: So you want to see if we can make the playoffs with a 24-man roster?

EINHORN: No, I’m going to make a few calls. I know some guys who can get us a few remedies, if you know what I mean. HGH, andro, horse tranquilizer, fish aphrodisiacs, dodo’s blood, you name it.

ALDERSON: How do you know people like that?

EINHORN: I work in hedge funds. How do you think we make money, by figuring out market trends and exploiting overvalued commodities? No, we blow our minds on every controlled substance there is and see where the trails take us, man!

ALDERSON: I think I could go to jail simply for hearing you talk about this.

EINHORN: Don’t play high and mighty with me, Sandy. Everyone knows what your boys used to do in Oakland. Was that outfielder of yours just eating Wheaties when he hit 16 home runs in one game?

ALDERSON: I’m not thinking about morality as much as I am about Linwood’s health. We shouldn’t rush back the man who is not only our best player, but who also makes $95 million a year. Instead of a month on the DL, he could be looking at a year of rehab, possibly the end of his career.

EINHORN: That’s why we should rush him back! I need to get my money’s worth! Is there any harm in waiting until tomorrow, seeing how Grant feels in the morning?

ALDERSON: But the trainer said the CAT scan of his knee looked like downtown Detroit.

EINHORN: One night, that’s all I want. If he’s still a mess tomorrow, we’ll put him on the DL. Deal?

ALDERSON: You’re the boss. Technically.

ALDERSON leaves. EINHORN eyes his office door carefully, then picks up his desk phone and dials.

Continue reading Studio 60 on Roosevelt Avenue: Episode 5 →

Studio 60 on Roosevelt Avenue

Studio 60 on Roosevelt Avenue: Episode 4

STUDIO 60 ON ROOSEVELT AVENUE
EPISODE 4
WRITTEN COMPLETELY BY AARON SORKIN TOTALLY ALONE AND UNDER GREAT DURESS
RELIVE THE EXCITING INAUGURAL SEASON!
PILOT | EPISODE 2 | EPISODE 3

LOGLINE: Once the nation’s best and most respected baseball GM, Sandy Alderson has been reduced to trying to revive a moribund franchise is the depths of deepest, darkest Queens. Along with his sharp-witted and adoring protégés, he fights off the seemingly endless series of controversies and crises that beset him while trying to run a sports team in the country’s most bustling metropolis, and still look fantastic while doing it. Can the pressures of such an important job crush this singularly talented and gifted individual genius?

ACT I

The front office. PAUL DEPODESTA and J.P. RICCIARDI sit in cubicles, their backs to one another, hunched over computers.

DEPODESTA: Have you seen this video…

RICCIARDI: Yes.

DEPODESTA: I didn’t even describe it to you.

RICCIARDI: Whatever it is, I’ve seen it.

DEPODESTA: What does it feel like to know everything?

RICCIARDI: Surprisingly good.

MACKENZIE CARLIN rushes over to their cubes, looking perturbed.

CARLIN: Do you guys know what’s up with Sandy? He seems out of sorts, not himself.

RICCIARDI: Maybe it’s because our second baseman publicly declared he’s a Wiccan?

DEPODESTA: Please. He handled that without a sweat, just like when our closer converted to Druidism. This about Billy.

RICCIARDI: Of course!

CARLIN: Who’s Billy?

DEPODESTA: Billy Beane. Used to be Sandy’s most trusted protégé. They were as thick as thieves. Then he took the Oakland front office out right from under him. Billy won’t admit it and neither will Sandy, but it’s the worst kept secret in baseball. To make matters worse, there’s this new movie coming out, all about Billy. Word is, this film takes all the innovations Sandy came up with and tries to pitch them as Billy’s. Now the A’s are coming here tomorrow and even Sandy can’t pretend this isn’t a big deal.

CARLIN: Oh, I thought he was upset because someone told Einhorn about him meeting with Grant Linwood.

RICCIARDI: Yeah, I heard someone did that. I figured it was someone kind of close to Einhorn. Like, someone who Einhorn just hired two weeks ago.

CARLIN: Funny, I figured it was someone who knew where Sandy was at the time, someone who’s worked with him for years, someone who was standing right next to him when he said where he planned to go.

RICCIARDI: Funny how someone who wasn’t there when it happened knows exactly what everyone else was doing.

DEPODESTA: Can you guys provide me a map so I can follow along with all these pronouns?

ALDERSON wanders over, scowling.

ALDERSON: Any reason you three are standing around gabbing when we start the biggest series of the year tomorrow?

DEPODESTA: Since when is Oakland the biggest series of the year?

ALDERSON: Since it’s the next one we play.

CARLIN: These two think you’re on edge because Billy Beane is coming to town.

ALDERSON: Nonsense. It’ll be great to see Billy. Like getting the old band back together.

RICCIARDI: Really? I always thought he got on your nerves.

ALDERSON: Only when he tells that damn story about finding an all-star shortstop at a Panera Bread for the 8 millionth time. Even I have my limits. Hey, why are we worrying about someone from another team? How about you guys worry about your own jobs for a minute?

ALDERSON storms off, leaving his assistants to stare quizzically at one another. Camera follows ALDERSON into his dimly lit office, where he pulls a large decanter of scotch and a tumbler from an oaken liquor cabinet. He pours himself a belt, drinks it in one gulp, pours another, and collapses into his desk chair, grasping his aching head.

Continue reading Studio 60 on Roosevelt Avenue: Episode 4 →

Studio 60 on Roosevelt Avenue

Studio 60 on Roosevelt Avenue: Episode 3

STUDIO 60 ON ROOSEVELT AVENUE
EPISODE 3
WRITTEN COMPLETELY BY AARON SORKIN TOTALLY ALONE AND UNDER GREAT DURESS
RELIVE THE EXCITING INAUGURAL SEASON! PILOT | EPISODE 2

LOGLINE: Once the nation’s best and most respected baseball GM, Sandy Alderson has been reduced to trying to revive a moribund franchise is the depths of deepest, darkest Queens. Along with his sharp-witted and adoring protégés, he fights off the seemingly endless series of controversies and crises that beset him while trying to run a sports team in the country’s most bustling metropolis, and still look fantastic while doing it. Can the pressures of such an important job crush this singularly talented and gifted individual genius?

ACT I

The owner’s booth. We hear the roar of the crowd, the unintelligible warble of the PA system, organ riffs. MACKENZIE CARLIN stands near the front, by the floor to ceiling windows, taking it all in. SANDY ALDERSON sidles up her and offers a small flute of champagne .

ALDERSON: Congratulations.

CARLIN: [waving it away] No thank you.

ALDERSON: You’re not going to celebrate your first win in the front office? Not even when the new shortstop you helped pick out just hit six home runs and 15 RBIs?

CARLIN: I don’t drink on the job.

ALDERSON: But the game’s over.

CARLIN: When the game’s over, the job begins.

ALDERSON: That sounds familiar.

CARLIN: It should–you wrote it, in your third autobiography. I wrote in all my Trapper Keepers in high school.

ALDERSON: So tonight you have succeeded in steering us to victory and making me feel horribly old. A raincheck on the champagne, then.

CARLIN politlely puts her champagne down on a coffee table and quickly exits the booth. She slips through the door just as J.P. RICCIARDI and PAUL DEPODESTA enter.

RICCIARDI: Does she ever stop?

ALDERSON: If she has, I blinked and missed it.

DEPODESTA: I guess she has to keep moving forward in order to survive. Kind of like a shark.

ALDERSON: She’s a woman in a man’s world, Paul. She has to work twice as hard to get just as far, you know that.

RICCIARDI: She’s also Einhorn’s tin can phoneline to this front office. Don’t get too chummy with her.

ALDERSON: If I ever get “chummy” with anyone, you have my permission to shoot me. Is there any other reason you two came in here, other than to tell me things I already know?

DEPODESTA: Yes, as a matter of fact. As you know, the next team coming in has star first baseman Grant Linwood, who…

ALDERSON: …Who is the conservative firebrand constantly making waves with loud pronouncements of his political viewpoints and upsetting people with his erratic, transgressive behavior. I’m very familiar with Linwood. I drafted him years ago. Broke my heart when we lost him to the Rule 7 draft. So we beef up security for a few games. By our standards, this barely qualifies as a crisis.

RICCIARDI: I take it you haven’t heard today’s news? Linwood’s done a 360 on a few issues. For one, he just declared he’s for gay marriage and says the government “should stay out of our bedrooms”. But he’s also reaffirmed his fierce anti-gun-control stance and says he plans on carrying a concealed weapon into the stadium because it’s his constitutional right. All while being the leading MVP candidate in the league.

ALDERSON: So what’s the outlook?

DEPODESTA: We’ve already received notice from no fewer than 15 organizations who plan on protesting. Eight Christian groups angry at him for the gay marriage thing, six police organizations mad about the gun thing, and one more group that says it’s not sure what to think but it’s definitely mad and plans on breaking stuff. We also got one fax that looks kind of weird. Something about time shares.

ALDERSON: Wow. We’re just one pregnant nun away from a crisis Yahtzee.

Continue reading Studio 60 on Roosevelt Avenue: Episode 3 →