Tag Archives: inappropriate walkup music

Baseball, Inappropriate Walkup Music 2009

Inappropriate Walk Up Music: 03.25.09

santo-shea.jpgFor previous Inappropriate Walk Up Music posts, click here.

Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up
music.

These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.

Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:

* “Dare Me”, The Pointer Sisters
The Wife told me she wanted to compile a list of awesome Walk Up Music for the players on her fantasy team–like, what should play as they come to bat. So I suggested she google each of them and find out their real walk up music. She discovered that “Dare Me” is Derrek Lee’s actual walk up music. What makes this even weirder is that the Cubs don’t play prerecorded music at Wrigley Field–all songs are played by their organist. So imagine this song played on a stadium-sized organ. And envision the creepy drag-king gangster Pointer Sisters in the video. If that ain’t inappropriate, tell me what is.

* “Fistful of Love”, Antony and the Johnsons
I avoided hearing these guys for a long time. This weekend, I finally did, and I’ve heard about as much as I need to, thank you very much. The singer (Antony, I assume?) sounds like a slightly bassier version of Tiny Tim. Hard to pick one song, but I’ll go with this one for the double entendres implied by its title.

* “Take My Breath Away”, Berlin
Both because it’s a sappy, synth-filled love ballad, and because it was on the soundtrack to Top Gun, which is straight up the gayest movie every made.

Baseball, Inappropriate Walkup Music 2009

Inappropriate Walk Up Music: 03.24.09

santo-shea.jpgFor previous Inappropriate Walk Up Music posts, click here.

Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up
music.

These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.

Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:

* “Dust in the Wind”, Kansas
Suggested by Jon from Maplewood over at the Friends of Tom forum. As he put it, “I have always felt that “Dust In the Wind” would be incredibly
unsettling to everyone involved. The diverting effect of sports
temporarily wiped away…all in earshot reminded of the existential
truths about life. Does this next pitch matter? Not really. Ultimately, we will all die.” Batter up!

* “Dude Looks Like a Lady”, Aerosmith
Another FOT shoutout to Steve of Bloomington for this suggestion. In fact, pretty much any Aerosmith tune mid-80s onward works for our purposes. They all contain extremely high levels of suck. But this tune has some extra levels of inappropriateness to it that should be fairly obvious. It’s one of those songs whose mere existence amazes me, never mind that it was a huge hit.

Speaking of which, seen Steven Tyler lately? Good god, he looks like Joan Rivers. Dress as Latter-Day Steven Tyler next Halloween–trust me, you’ll clear the sidewalk.

* “No Language in Our Lungs”, XTC
I’ve never tried to parse out my 50 favorite songs ever, but I’m sure this makes the list. In the XTC catalog, “Dear God” might be slightly more inappropriate as walk-up music, what with its aggressive and poignant atheistic message. But “No Language in Our Lungs” gets my nod for being more heart-wrenching. Plus, I’ll always associate it with the scene in Freaks and Geeks where Bill begs not to be picked last for softball. He doesn’t want to be picked first; he just wants to not be picked last for once in his life. I’m sure you can guess what happens. Lord, this kills me.

Baseball, Inappropriate Walkup Music 2009

Inappropriate Walk Up Music: 03.23.09

santo-shea.jpgFor previous Inappropriate Walk Up Music posts, click here.

Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up
music.

These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.

Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:

* “I Want You”, Elvis Costello
Even in a catalog full of vengeful, bitter songs (Elvis once said the only emotions he understood were anger and revenge), this tune stands as particularly harsh. Blood and Chocolate was recorded more or less live in the studio, which makes it even more visceral. As the song winds down, the mics are slowly turned down on everything but the vocals, so by the end all you hear is Elvis’ painful lyrics and an organ wailing off in the background. Brutal.

* “Don’t Touch My Bikin”, The Halobenders
When I was in high school, the only “cool” radio station whose signal I could get in my room was Vassar’s. I would tape 45-90 minute chunks every now and then so I could listen to them on my walkman later, hoping to find something new and awesome I couldn’t hear anywhere else.

Vassar played this song one night, and as I listened to it on the way to school, it took every bit of my strength to not totally lose it. I was not yet familiar with Calvin Johnson or the whole K Record phenomenon, so I was completely unprepared for his aggressive brand of silliness. This remains one of my favorite songs that no one else seems to remember.

* “Outlaw Pete”, Bruce Springsteen
Sometimes you see Bruce Springsteen do some live tunes and you think to yourself, “Man, he’s still got it!” And then you hear new songs like “Outlaw Pete” and you think to yourself, “Jesus, he is totally off his rocker.” If you can get through this 8 minute tune (8 MINUTES) in one sitting, you’re a stronger man than I.