I know, we all thought it seemed like a fun, cool idea at the time. But in retrospect, I think it was a mistake to build this city on rock and roll. Don’t get me wrong, I think this city has the best rock and roll in the world, no doubt. But I think basing our entire town’s existence on it has hindered some other important things a town really should concentrate on.

For instance, I don’t think it’s been good for local business to have operating hours of “whenever, dude!” The grocery stores carry little else but Cheetos, beer, and energy drinks. The art museum has nothing but Roger Dean paintings in it.

You’d think a town built on rock and roll would attract a lot of tourism, but that has not proven the case. The festival we planned to attract more out-of-town visitors, Knee Deep in the Hoopla Days, was poorly attended. Mainly because the advertising for said festival consisted of 50 xeroxed fliers stapled to telephone poles.

Then again, there’s little reason for tourists to come here when city services are so bad. Public transportation is both uncomfortable and unreliable, as it
consists of a fleet of 15-year-old Dodge vans. The sanitation commissioner has promised to start trash pickup “when I get a chance, man”. Public health initiatives are limited to the establishment of a few “crash pads” downtown, and couch space schedules have proven difficult to maintain. The school system was not served well by the previous administration’s “we don’t need no education” initiative.

Not to mention the oldest part of town, our crumbling downtown district, which is literally built on rock and roll. Vinyl discs and album sleeves are not reliable building materials. And most of the records wouldn’t even rate an F on the Goldmine scale these days. But the mayor won’t tear it down because he doesn’t want to  “ride wrecking balls into our guitars”.

Worst of all, the local radio station plays nothing but guys’ demo cassettes. Unbearable.