Tag Archives: holiday triumphs

Holiday Triumphs: “Low Tidings”, the Flapjack Christmas Special

flapjack2.jpgAs previously stated, I love Cartoon Network’s The Misadventures of Flapjack. It is one of the craziest, visually innovative, and funniest kids cartoons in existence today. But my love recently transformed into MEGA LOVE, because The Baby and I watched the Flapjack Christmas special, “Low Tidings”. It may be the greatest Christmas special of the last 10 years. For real.

In the Flapjack universe (which I explain a bit in that link above), every winter they celebrate the miracle of Low Tide Day, when the waters beneath The Docks recede and children hang their boots over the side in the hopes of getting presents from Poseidon if they’ve been good. But the bad kids get “sacked”: thrown in a sack by a gang of angry, muscly mermen and tossed around violently (kinda like a maritime version of Krampus).

Bubbie the Whale (who does double duty as Flapjack’s mother figure and house) always leaves The Docks during Low Tide season because she needs water to live. Captain K’Nuckles (Flapjack’s adventuring mentor and negative role model) always leaves because he’s rotten and doesn’t want to get sacked. He still harbors childhood trauma from his own youthful sackings. But Flapjack wants to see what Low Tide Day is like (and sings many badly rhyming songs to this effect), so Bubbie leaves him and K’Nuckles behind.

Flapjack marvels in the wonder of the season, while K’Nuckles desperately tries to find a hidey-hole so he can avoid a merman beatdown. Unfortunately, much of The Docks’ hiding places are already occupied by other miscreants. In his effort to avoid a sacking, K’Nuckles engages in more bad behavior that makes a sacking even more likely than before.

I don’t want reveal too much about how the plot resolves itself. Suffice to say, Poseidon rethinks the whole “pummeling people with sacks” thing and decides to change many features of Low Tide Day, thus resulting in a more Christmas-y holiday .

“So it doesn’t matter if you’re good or bad anymore?” cries one desperate Dock resident.

“Nope, pretty much everyone gets a present now,” Poseidon nonchalantly explains, and spirits himself away.

I’ve never seen a special that so captured the wonder and mystery of the holidays while equally depicting the sadness and weirdness of them. Maybe A Charlie Brown Christmas, although in a very different way, of course. Flapjack even managed a subtle poke at religion, via Poseidon’s benign but totally arbitrary rules for his followers.

As much as the show seems to aim jokes and references at parents, kids
love it. At least my three-year-old does. I realize she may not be the
best barometer of what all kids will like, since she has a fondness for
The Simpsons, Predator, and destruction. But I say, if your kid doesn’t like Flapjack, just write him/her off. You know they’re never gonna be cool.

This special is nothing short of genius. I demand the entire world watch it and prepare a 500-word essay on why it’s the greatest thing ever.

Holiday Triumphs: Yet Yet More Holiday Ads, 1985

This is the last batch of vaguely-holiday-related ads for the season, I promise. They all come from yet another tape in the Vast and Dusty Scratchbomb VHS Archives. This one was dominated by a CBS airing of The Wizard of Oz around Christmastime of 1985.

Again, very few of them have actual holiday content. But since they all come from Christmastime broadcasts, they remind me of spending a wintry evening indoors, watching network TV because, hell, what else was I gonna do on a December night?

1985 marked some of the heaviest fighting of the cola wars. Coke and Pepsi faced off in a no-holds-barred battle which left no one unscathed. Brother fought against brother. Millions were left homeless (but refreshed). You can find out more in Ken Burns’ 19-part documentary.

Coke’s commercials tended to be dismissive, rarely mentioning Pepsi by name and emphasizing the ubiquity of their product. Pepsi was more directly confrontation, as you can see in this ad. Some time in the distant future, an archeology professor and his students tour the ruins of a 20th century home. He seems well versed in the mores and folkways of this era, except for one object which stumps him.

Quite a big eff-you to the folks at Coke, as was their snagging of Michael Jackson, biggest pop star in the universe, to promo their beverage. Unfortunately, he suffered serious burns while filming an ad for them, due to faulty pyrotechnics. So Pepsi had to turn to another big artist. He didn’t have quite the explosive stage presence as Jackson, but he could dance on the ceiling.

Pepsi also put on some thrilling action sequences, as in this ad for Pepsi Free. Notice the weird banging cans at the end of the ad? I seriously tried to do this eight billion times when I was a kid. I did not succeed in recreating it, but I did succeed in spilling tons of soda.


Continue reading Holiday Triumphs: Yet Yet More Holiday Ads, 1985

YouTubery Friday: Pee-Wee Christmas!

It’s Friday! Procrastinate and count down to happy hour with these lovely bits!

In case you haven’t heard, Pee-Wee Herman is back! He’s doing live shows and appearing on TV shows and all other sorts of wonderful things.

Is Paul Reubens a bit too old to be doing Pee-Wee Herman? One could make the case. But considering how he was railroaded off TV in the early 90s (and for what, exactly?), I think the man is just making up for unjustly lost time. He could keep doing Pee-Wee until he’s 90 years old, and I would say ‘bravo’!

* Note to Paul Reubens: Please don’t do Pee-Wee when you’re 90. Don’t go out like Groucho.

One part of Pee-Wee’s renaissance is a new, spiffed-up web site, which has many neat things. But perhaps one of the neatest items is The Pee-Wee’s Playhouse Christmas Special, which you can watch there in its entirety. It is one of the most deliriously weird Christmas specials ever made–in the best possible sense, of course.

For a lo-res sample, check out the opening below. A chorus of Marines (I think) sings a Pee-Wee-related carol, then Pee-Wee goes nuts introducing all the Playhouse denizens and special guests. Such luminaries as Frankie Avalon, Little Richard, Whoopi Goldberg, Magic Johnson…the list goes on and on!

Also, did you know that Pee-Wee appeared in the video for the holiday classic “Reggae Christmas”? And did you know that there was a holiday classic called “Reggae Christmas”? And did you know that this holiday classic was sung not by a real reggae artist, but Canadian rocker Bryan Adams?

I’m sure you feel much better now, knowing this exists. Yes, Bryan Adams sucks (he sucks so much that he won’t allow embedding of his videos, hence it’s absence in this post). But Pee-Wee improves anything he’s involved in a full 35 percent. It’s been proven by science.

If you want to watch the OFFICIAL version of the video, it’s here. If you’re wondering why Pee-Wee looks so glum, it’s because his friends made him the MTV VJ for the evening on Christmas and abandoned him shortly thereafter. You can peep the full version here. I would have included it below, but (a) it’s much lower res, and (b) it won’t allow me to turn off autoplay.

Sorry, but I can’t have my webbed site playing “Reggae Christmas” each time it loads. Can’t do it, not even for the love of Pee-Wee.