As the year draws to a close, Scratchbomb pays tribute to all the icons who did not pass away in the past 12 months.

In defiance of medical science, the laws of physics, and the sensibilities of all those with ascetically healthy lifestyles, Keith Richards remains among the living.

Despite an ad campaign that seemed to indicate the contrary, Jesse James is not a dead man.

I could have sworn Margaret Thatcher died, like, three years ago. Turns out she’s still alive. Sorry, Maggie!

Dick Cheney is included here, though his case is kind of a gray area, as he belongs to the ranks of the bloodthirsty undead.

Known to millions as the “fast talker” from dozens of commercials over the last 25 years, John Moschitta is not entertaining angels with the rapid-fire speech techniques that delighted millions, as he is still with us.

Rip Taylor: Still throwing confetti, still not dead. Way to go, Rip!

Also still alive: Rip Torn. All in all, a good year for Rips!

Can you imagine if Michael Jackson and Madonna had died in the same year? That’d be BANANAS! They didn’t, though.

The existence of a just and loving god continued to be challenged by the fact that Jim Belushi is still alive and his brother John is still dead.

As of press time, no one has beaten Tucker Max to death.

Honorable mention: 6.8 billion other humans, give or take.