As I stated in my Onion AV Club interview, I’m extremely bitter and disillusioned about the state of comedy these days. Like the world in general, the comedy world rewards mediocrity and shuns innovation. It’s as simple as that. Comedians pander to the audience in the most shameful ways, because today’s audience expects to be pandered to. The audience wants what it wants when it wants it, and no one is daring enough to give the audience what it might need.

/smashes watermelon with oversized wooden mallet

But really, this has been in the cards for a long time. Parents don’t discipline their kids anymore. People wear whatever they want to and behave how ever they feel like in public. Curse words aren’t shocking anymore because everyone uses them. How can we expect any art form to grow in an environment like this?

/crushes container of cottage cheese with sledgehammer

I also blame the cellular nature of the 21st century. You want to listen to music? Put on your iPod and shut out the rest of the world. Want to watch a movie? Stream it online. We have no communal experiences anymore. So now, when I do a show, people in the audience react like they’re sitting their living rooms, watching alone. They heckle and yell and hoot and holler, with absolutely no consideration for the people around them.

/whacks Snicker bars with a tennis racket

And the only things worse than the audiences are the comedians. No one has any sense of craft or timing anymore! But then again, how would they gain such knowledge? We have no vaudeville. We have no public support for the performing arts. A comedian–any artist, in fact–has to hit it big immediately or fail. People nowadays have neither the structure to support years-long apprenticeships, nor the patience to endure them even if they did exist.

/sues brother for copyright infringement

And the worst part is, I see no signs of this abating any time soon.

I weep for the death of the soul.

/rides enormous Big Wheel into trampoline couch