Hey Omar, can we talk?
Sure thing, Carlos. How’s that knee?
That’s what I want to talk to you about. I spoke to you about this surgery earlier this week, and I thought everything was cool.
Yeah, definitely, sounds like something I’d say.
But today, your assistant GM made it sound as if I went behind your back to do this. What the fuck?! If you had some problem with how this went down, why didn’t we just handle it internally? Why did you go after me in public, by proxy, and make me and everyone else on this team look bad?

I didn’t go after you, Carlos, my assistant GM did. But it’s clear that somebody pulled a real choke job here on the whole communication thing, and we’ll take care of that ASAP. Right after we work out that 7-year extension for Bengie Molina.

You’re responsible for this whole mess! Why are you talking like it’s somebody else’s fault?!

Carlos, you’ve never been in charge of a multimillion-dollar operation…
I am a multimillion-dollar operation…
…so you don’t understand how this works. I am not responsible for the Mets. I am in charge of the Mets. Being in charge is not the same thing as being responsible.
You’re right, I don’t understand.
You see, people who are responsible are held responsible for their actions. If I were responsible for things, I would’ve been fired a long time ago. Remember that time we assed away a postseason berth in the last month of the season?
Yeah, that happened two years in a row.
Really? I have no memory of it happening two times. Then again, there was that one season where I took a lot of naps. You see, Carlos, only schmucks are responsible for things. Men are in charge. Men lead. They lead by standing there, immobile, staring straight ahead while their ship runs aground.
How do you get to be in charge?
You thrust yourself ahead blindly, like a bull in a china shop, barreling all your competitors out of your path. Other guys in charge will admire your spunk and grit and determination, and they won’t care that you have no idea what you’re doing, because they don’t know what they’re doing either, and they’re afraid to have anyone too smart or principled around them to make them look bad in comparison.
Well, unlike you, my job is based on performance. In the big leagues, you can’t fail upwards and hope to be rewarded.
You can’t? I assume you’ve met Oliver Perez.
DID SUMBODEE TAKE MY FUNYUNS BECUZ I CAN’T FIND THEMM