* knock knock *

Hey Mark, it’s Eli from next door.
What’s up?
You know how the mailman is always mixing up our deliveries? Well, I got this package and I opened it, but I didn’t realize it was for you. Sorry about that.
No problem, it happens. What’s in the package?
A really shitty performance in a must-win game to close out your stadium.
Weird. I didn’t order one of those. In fact, the UPS guy just dropped off a surprisingly dominant performance in a must-win game to close out a stadium.
Huh. You sure that wasn’t for me?
The label said “Jets” on it.
You’re sure it said “Jets”?
Positive.
Aw geez…now that I look at this package closer, yeah, it does have my name on it. I just, you know, was hoping maybe it didn’t. It seems like the kinda thing you’d get.
Well, I didn’t, so…
Like maybe the labels got mixed up at the…factory…or something…
So that’s why you waited a week to bring it by?
It’s the holidays. You know, everybody’s out of town, and parties…and stuff…I’ve just been so busy, you know?
Listen, I gotta go pack for the playoffs, so…
Playoffs, huh? Those are fun. I won a Super Bowl, you know.
That was like three years ago, right?
I still won it!
And that was awesome! But I gotta split, okay? See you at the new place, okay?
/ slam
You’re still gonna help me move, right?