Haven’t you always dreamed of hearing Dolph Lundgren sing Elvis Presley? Of course you have. Don’t even try to pretend you haven’t. Guess what? YOU’RE IN LUCK! In fact, the whole human race is in luck, thanks to this video of Ivan Drago crooning “A Little Less Conversation”.

Actually, “crooning” is not the correct word. “Bellowing” is more accurate. His voice is kinda like Ted Cassidy’s, only not so vibrant and warm. I’ve heard very few things more bone chilling than Mr. Lundgren croaking “close your mouth and open up your heart.” It makes me think he wants to literally open up my heart, with a box cutter.

So no, Mr. Lundgren is not the interpreter of song that Elvis was. But could The King blast through five huge blocks of ice at once? Maybe, if he was really, really high.

As I’m sure you know, Jay Leno is the worst human being on the planet. So he thoroughly deserves this re-soundtracking of his reprehensible new ads for his return to The Tonight Show.

Finally, we’ve gotten a lot of snow lately ’round Scratchbomb HQ. While driving in the snow is no picnic, I find nothing funnier than watching cars slide and careen under such conditions (as long as no one gets hurt, of course). I like to consider myself a connoisseur of Snow Crash videos. As such, I present to you this sample as the pinnacle of the art form.