Tag Archives: dodgers

The Parallel Universe Fake Mets

The Parallel Universe Fake Mets: Games 20-22

pufm20.pngGame 20: Dodgers 5, Mets 3 (23)
In a game that took three years off my life, the Fake Mets took an early lead on a Fake Jason Bay 2-run homer. But the Fake Dodgers battled back to tie, and the game dragged on into the wee hours. The Fake Mets mounted numerous threats but could not push a run across, and a homer by Fake Rafael Furcal in the top of the 21st inning seemed to doom their chances. But Fake Jose Reyes led off the bottom half with a single, stole second, advanced to third on a wild pitch from Fake Jonathan Broxton, and scored on a sac fly, thus prolonging the agony. The Fake Dodgers lay in the weeds until the 23rd inning, when a 2-run double by Fake Russell Martin put them back on top. The Fake Mets could not mount another comeback, and suffered another agonizing loss.

In real life: In the first half of a rain-necessitated doubleheader, Johan Santana blanked the Dodgers through six innings, while the Mets converted some timely hitting en route to a 4-0 win. Jason Bay finally hit his first home run as a Met.

Game 21: Dodgers 2, Mets 1
Fake Johan Santana kept the Fake Dodgers off the board for seven innings, while his teammates could do very little against Fake Eric Stults. In the bottom of the seventh, they finally pushed across a run when a slow roller by Fake Jason Bay was thrown away, allowing Fake Jose Reyes to score. But Santana faltered in the eighth, giving up a leadoff homer to Fake Casey Blake, then a two-out go-ahead RBI single to Fake Rafael Furcal. The Fake Mets’ anemic offense could not recover.

In real life: In the cold and blustery nightcap, Oliver Perez couldn’t get through 4 innings or make an early 3-0 lead stand up. But Hisanori Takahashi played hero again, and the Mets’ bats came alive with a 3-run fifth and a 4-run sixth, capped by a bases-clearing triple by David Wright. Mets roll on to win 10-5.

Game 22: Mets 3, Dodgers 2
The Fake Mets took an early 1-0 lead off of Fake Chad Billingsley, but the Fake Dodgers got runs in the fourth and seventh innings on identical circumstances: leadoff hit by Fake Russell Martin, intentional walk to Fake Manny Ramirez to try for a double play, only to see a two-out RBI hit from Fake Andre Ethier. Fake Carlos Beltran singled in the bottom of the seventh and eventually came around to score on a Fake Daniel Murphy groundout. Then in the eighth, Fake Jose Reyes led off with a single, then scored the winning run on a hit by Fake Jeff Francoeur. Fake Frankie Rodriguez pitched a 1-2-3 ninth to preserve the win and salvage the last game of the series.

I should also note that, on the computer’s recommendation, I rested a “tired” Fake David Wright in this game. Although I did not take its insane suggestion to swap Fake Jeff Francoeur and Fake Jose Reyes in the batting order.

In real life: John Maine had a good bounceback outing with 6 solid innings and 9 strikeouts. The Mets touched up rookie John Ely for 4 second inning runs and never looked back on their way to a 7-3 victory, their seventh in a row, and the culmination of a 9-1 homestand.

Parallel Universe Fake Mets record: 8-14

Real Mets record: 13-9

Baseball

Scratchbomb’s Thoroughly Compromised 2010 MLB Preview: NL West

Thumbnail image for dbacks2.jpgARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS

2009 record: 70-92

Local weather: Ball-meltingly hot

Namesake: Venemous rattlesnake responsible for the majority of fatal snakebites in northern Mexico, thus explaining why the Diamondbacks are Lou Dobbs’ favorite team.

Do they really play for the entire state of Arizona?: Yes, except for small pockets of Tempe. They know why.

Perpetually overused team-related headline: Raising Arizona. Cease and desist letters from the Coen Brothers have proven ineffective.

Best name on 40-man roster: Clay Zavada (also owner of best mustache on team)

The That Guy’s on This Team? Award: Billy Buckner. Not the former Dodgers/Cubs/Red Sox first baseman, but a young relief pitcher. Still, you’d think teams would shy away from anyone named Billy Buckner.

Spring standout: Justin Upton, whose .324 batting average and 16 RBIs are an obvious attempt to shame his brother B.J.

Probable Opening Day starter: Dan Haren, whose hitched delivery is almost as confounding as his facial hair.

Biggest question for 2010: Will their talented core of young players once again prove woefully outmatched, or merely disappointing?

Advantage to start the season: Close proximity of spring training facility removes the disorienting effects of jet lag.

Semi-serious assessment: The Diamondbacks lineup is full of stars, near stars, or should-be stars like Upton, Stephen Drew, and Mark Reynolds (all of them born in years I actually remember, which depresses the shit out of me). But their rotation is Haren and not much else until Brandon Webb comes back from shoulder surgery. They’ll score a lot of runs, but they’ll give a lot up, too, especially in their home park. Even in a relatively weak division, I don’t see how they finish much better than .500 this year.

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Baseball

Blatant Homerism Theatre, in Conjunction with Lack of Historical Perspective, Brings You a Jayson Stark Production

The great thing about sports in general–and baseball in particular, I think–is that it turns adults into little kids again. It makes us marvel at amazing feats, believe in miracles…

/the theme from The Natural swells

Sorry, almost had a Costner moment there. Schmaltz aside, sports are fun because they can bring us unbridled joy and enthusiasm. We can all go a little nuts when our team wins The Big Game, pump our fists and proclaim THAT’S THE BEST DAMN GAME I’VE EVER SEEN!

And when I say “we”, I mean “the fans”. That should not include members of the media, who are paid to be impartial and stoic and have a sense of perspective during even the most thrilling moments. Jayson Stark of ESPN must have missed that day at J-school, because he busted out a column about game 4 of the NLCS that blew my mind with its complete lack of historic perspective or rational thought.

When last we met Mr. Stark, he was advising the Mets (via anonymous MLB scouts) to trade Jose Reyes. So his judgment is already suspect in my eyes. My opinion of him has not been elevated by his piece about Monday night’s thriller, entitled “Phillies walk off into history”.

He sets the scene with a series of one-sentence paragraphs, describing how the Phillies were down to their last strike when Jimmy Rollins belted a two-run double into the right field gap, completing a come-from-behind victory and putting Philadelphia on top three games to one in the series.

It was a dramatic win, to say the least. It deserves some dramatic prose. What it does not deserve is to be described as “an October baseball game that is going to be talked about for the rest of our lifetimes.”

Maybe Stark has powers of prognostication that I don’t. But “talked about for the rest of our lifetimes”?! This was, at best, the third-best playoff game played in the past week. It was the second-best playoff game played that day. Games 2 and 3 of this year’s ALCS–extra-inning, tension-filled marathons–were both better.
Continue reading Blatant Homerism Theatre, in Conjunction with Lack of Historical Perspective, Brings You a Jayson Stark Production →