Tag Archives: david wright

Fast Times at NL East High

wright.jpgHey, Chipper.

chipper3.jpgS’up, Dave. You goin to that kegger at HanRam’s house place this weekend?

wright.jpgNah. My dad won’t lend me the Dodge. Listen, I gotta talk to you about somethin. I heard you were sayin some shit about me. Said I wasn’t happy at CitiField.

chipper3.jpgFer real? No way, bro. I’d never say somethin like that.

wright.jpgWhen I say I heard it, I mean I actually heard you say it on the radio.

chipper3.jpgOh, yeah. I guess I did kinda say that.

wright.jpgWhy’d you do that, man? I told you that in confidence.

chipper3.jpgI was on the radio and they asked me about your new stadium, so I told em what you said. What else you want me to do?

wright.jpgSay something bland and inoffensive like everyone else does.

chipper3.jpg*pfft* That’s not how Chipper rolls, you know that. I speak my mind.

wright.jpgIt’s a low blow, man. That’s not how bros treat each other.

chipper3.jpgSure it is! I talk shit about everyone in this division. What about that time I told everyone that Dan Uggla eats paste?

uggla.JPGFuck you. That shit tastes good.

chipper3.jpgOr when I spilled the beans about Ryan Zimmerman wetting the bed?

zimmerman.jpgOnce! I did that once!

chipper3.jpgThat’s how it is, man. Bros are always bustin each other’s chops. Don’t get all bent outta shape.

victorino.jpgS’up, losers

/slams Wright into locker with flying elbow

Have fun at jerk practice!

/runs away as fast as possible


chipper3.jpgYou should stick up for yourself, man.

wright.jpgHe was gone so quick, I couldn’t do nothin. And if we’re such best buds, why didn’t you say anything?

chipper3.jpgDon’t worry, I got revenge on that douche. Totally got his sister pregnant.

wright.jpgReally?! Jesus…

chipper3.jpgWell, I got some girl pregnant. You expect me to keep track of that kinda stuff?

From Our Thanks But No Thanks Department

wright_viagra.jpg“Congratulations, David Wright! Your 4 steals in one game tied a franchise record and has been named MLB.com’s Viagra Milestone Moment of the day!”

“Um, thanks. Is there any way you could give me an award not named after Viagra?”

“Let’s see…we have the Cialis Spring Into Action Award, the Enzyte Enhanced Hustle Award, the Valtrex Breakout Player of the Day…”

“Is there any award not named after a pharmaceutical?”

“Oh my heavens, no!”

“Fine, gimme the boner pill award.”

Philly Takes It on the Road

Somewhere in the Dominican Republic:

/ding dong

reyes.gifWho is it?

jroll.jpgWho is it?! World effin’ champions, that’s who!

hamels.jpgYeah, and we’re here to tell you that the Giants are goin’ DOWN on Sunday!

reyes.gifI don’t think the Giants play again until April.

jroll.jpgPfft! You thought we were talking about San Francisco, you DUNCE?! No, we’re talking about the NY Giants. Or should I say, the NY TINIES, because they’re gonna feel two feet tall once they get stomped by the IGGLES!

hamels.jpgHow bout dem birds, baby? The firm leadership of Donovan McNabb! The explosive running game of Brian Westbrook! The competent blocking of L.J. Smith! They’re gonna poop all over the Giants’ heads like a red convertible fresh out of the car wash!

jroll.jpgAllow me to imply that the following members of the Giants are gay: Eli Manning, Brandon Jacobs, Antonio Pierce, Phil Simms, Frank Gifford, Y.A. Tittle…

Continue reading Philly Takes It on the Road