STUDIO 60 ON ROOSEVELT AVENUE
EPISODE 5
WRITTEN COMPLETELY BY AARON SORKIN TOTALLY ALONE AND UNDER GREAT DURESS
RELIVE THE EXCITING INAUGURAL SEASON!
PILOT | EPISODE 2 | EPISODE 3 | EPISODE 4
LOGLINE: Once the nation’s best and most respected baseball GM, Sandy Alderson has been reduced to trying to revive a moribund franchise is the depths of deepest, darkest Queens. Along with his sharp-witted and adoring protégés, he fights off the seemingly endless series of controversies and crises that beset him while trying to run a sports team in the country’s most bustling metropolis, and still look fantastic while doing it. Can the pressures of such an important job crush this singularly talented and gifted individual genius?
ACT I
Trainer’s room. GRANT LINWOOD is laying on an examination table, holding his knee and grimacing in pain while receiving treatment from a TRAINER. SANDY ALDERSON and DAVID EINHORN look on in the background.
LINWOOD: So how’s it look, doc? Will I ever play the piano again?
TRAINER: Grave 7 strain of your MCL, a Langerhans pull in your ACL, and partial tear of your interior QCL. You would’ve done less damage to your knee with a shotgun.
EINHORN: But he can play tomorrow, right?
TRAINER: Are you kidding? He’ll be lucky to walk tomorrow. I’m gonna stabilize this knee. He’ll have to stay off of it for a month.
EINHORN: A month?! This is my biggest star you’re talking about, my number one box office attraction! If he’s out a month, ticket sales will plummet! This man can not go on the disabled list.
TRAINER: Why don’t you take it up with his knee? Oh wait, you can’t because it’s a joint and it probably has terrible hearing because it’s shot to hell.
EINHORN: Goddammit! You just had to be a showoff and bat on one leg, didn’t you?! You were just daring that pitcher to drill you!
LINWOOD: I had to do it! I promised a sick kid at the hospital I would! Or some broad I met at the bar last night. It’s kinda hazy to me now.
Cut to: Einhorn’s office. He paces the room while ALDERSON stands quietly in a corner, hands thrust in pockets.
EINHORN: This is worse than the time our shortstop got leprosy. What the hell do we do now?
ALDERSON: Not much else to do but put Linwood on the DL and make a call up from the minors.
EINHORN: Oh no, I can’t have Linwood’s place taken by some 20 year old nobody. New Yorkers will not accept a team that doesn’t have superstars at every position. Linwood is not going on the DL and that is final.
ALDERSON: So you want to see if we can make the playoffs with a 24-man roster?
EINHORN: No, I’m going to make a few calls. I know some guys who can get us a few remedies, if you know what I mean. HGH, andro, horse tranquilizer, fish aphrodisiacs, dodo’s blood, you name it.
ALDERSON: How do you know people like that?
EINHORN: I work in hedge funds. How do you think we make money, by figuring out market trends and exploiting overvalued commodities? No, we blow our minds on every controlled substance there is and see where the trails take us, man!
ALDERSON: I think I could go to jail simply for hearing you talk about this.
EINHORN: Don’t play high and mighty with me, Sandy. Everyone knows what your boys used to do in Oakland. Was that outfielder of yours just eating Wheaties when he hit 16 home runs in one game?
ALDERSON: I’m not thinking about morality as much as I am about Linwood’s health. We shouldn’t rush back the man who is not only our best player, but who also makes $95 million a year. Instead of a month on the DL, he could be looking at a year of rehab, possibly the end of his career.
EINHORN: That’s why we should rush him back! I need to get my money’s worth! Is there any harm in waiting until tomorrow, seeing how Grant feels in the morning?
ALDERSON: But the trainer said the CAT scan of his knee looked like downtown Detroit.
EINHORN: One night, that’s all I want. If he’s still a mess tomorrow, we’ll put him on the DL. Deal?
ALDERSON: You’re the boss. Technically.
ALDERSON leaves. EINHORN eyes his office door carefully, then picks up his desk phone and dials.