“Hey chief, this just came over the wire: Bill Cowher has no interest in Jets job.“

“This is definitely going on tomorrow’s back cover. Now, we just need to find an appropriate photo, something that will convey the contempt and disgust we have for a man we desperately wanted to come to NY just yesterday.”

“I got one here, chief. This was snapped right after he bit into a meatball sub and got it all over his shirt.”

“No, we’re not going for embarrassing! We’re going for nauseating! This is the first picture millions of people are gonna see this morning when they’re having their breakfast, drinking their coffee, riding the subway. We want them throw up in their mouths when they see this thing!”

“I think I got one, chief. Check it out–he looks like a cross between Hitler and an orc.”

“I can barely contain the vomit churning in my stomach. And you can totally see up his nose, too! This is gonna sicken millions–I love it! Take it down to the art guys and see if they can widen his nostrils in Photoshop, add some more hair up there.”

“Do you want them to add some stink lines, too?”

“No, we got in trouble the last time we did that. The Dalai Lama was not happy. But I like the way you think, kid!”