1B–Ryan Howard: Another solid season from the big guy. I know some people wanted me to take Joey Votto instead, just because he’s having an MVP-caliber season. But Ryan’s my guy, and I need a team full of “my guys” if I want to win this totally meaningless exhibition that determines home field advantage in the World Series for some reason.

2B–Chase Utley: I know Chase is out for 2 months after surgery on his thumb, but he’s still my guy. I’ll just put up one a them cages we put on the infield during batting practice. Or maybe we’ll do a designated fielder. We can do that, right?

SS–Larry Bowa: I was tempted to go with Jimmy Rollins, but I decided to go old school with Larry. A Phillies legend, no doubt, and that old son of a bitch can still shotgun a can of Schlitz. Betcha Jose Reyes can’t do that. Pussy.

3B–Jorge Rodriguez: Owns the bodega ’round the corner from me. Always has my brand of chaw stocked. Good egg.

OF–Bill Kennedy, Fred Derwin, Johnny Finnerty: The bartenders down at Mulcahy’s. They make sure my friend Jim Beam never leaves me for too long.

Pitching Staff–My weekly poker game: Gotta have something to do while I’m out there in California. There’s not much else going on in Los Angeles.