Tag Archives: cardinals

The Parallel Universe Fake Mets

The Parallel Universe Fake Mets: Games 10-12

pufm_010.pngGame 10: Cardinals 4, Mets 2 (10)
Fake Jason Bay and Fake Ryan Ludwick each hit two solo homers to account for all the scoring in regulation, and Fake Carols Beltran made a leaping catch at the center field wall to rob Fake Albert Pujols of a round tripper. But Fake Kelvim Escobar surrendered a walkoff two-run dinger to Fake Colby Rasmus in the bottom of the tenth.

In real life: Oliver Perez turned in a stunningly good performance (given his history and the opponent), shutting out the Cardinals through six-plus innings. But when he walked the leadoff batter in the seventh, Jerry Manuel inexplicably turned to Fernando Nieve and Raul Valdes to protect the lead. One Felipe Lopez grand slam later, St. Louis had all the runs they needed. The Mets scratched out two runs in the ninth to make things interesting, but fell short.

Game 11: Cardinals 2, Mets 1 (12)
Fake Johan Santana limited the Fake Cardinals to one run in seven innings, while Fake Chris Carpenter took a no hitter into the seventh before surrendering leadoff single to Fake Jose Reyes and an RBI hit to Fake Carlos Beltran. The Fake Mets almost went ahead on a Fake Jason Bay double in the top of the tenth, but somehow Fake Beltran was thrown out trying to score from first (again, every opposing outfielder in this game has a cannon for an arm). For the second straight game, the fake Cardinals won on a walkoff hit, this time a Fake Jason LaRue RBI single.

In real life: In a game that may have set back baseball 100 years, a pitcher’s duel between Johan Santana and Jaime Garcia devolved into a hitter’s fail-off. The game remained scoreless for 18 innings, as the Cardinals turned aside numerous opportunities and the Mets failed to mount any. New York took a brief lead in the 19th inning on a Jeff Francoeur sac fly off of Joe Mather (a position player pulling a Matt Franco), then saw Frankie Rodriguez give it back up on a Yadier Molina RBI single (to be fair to K-Rod, he’d already thrown 100 (!) warmup pitches over the course of 10 innings). A Jose Reyes sac fly in the 20th gave the Mets another lead, and emergency closer Mike Pelfrey made it stand up. And for as much as I dislike Jerry Manuel, I have to concede I’ve never seen him commit managerial errors half as dumb as the crimes perpetrated by Tony “LOOK AT ME MANAGE” LaRussa in this game. (Although even he would not dare hit Matt Holliday in the leadoff spot, as his fake doppelganger does for some reason.)

Game 12: Cardinals 3, Mets 2 (12)
The Fake Mets broke through against Fake Adam Wainwright, thanks to RBI hist from Fake Jeff Francoeur and Fake Josh Thole. Fake Mike Pelfrey was masterful through the first 7 innings, striking out 11, until faltering in the eighth and giving up a run. Fake Francisco Rodriguez got the first two batters in the bottom of the ninth, then gave up three hits in a row to knot the game at 2. More futility followed on both sides, until some more two-out magic occurred in the bottom of the twelfth. Two singles were followed by a game-winning hit by fake Albert Pujols (his first in the series), and the Fake Mets had been swept in Fake St. Louis by three walkoff losses in a row.

In real life: The Mets somehow managed three runs off of Adam Wainwright, thanks to a bases loaded bloop and a throwing error. But John Maine labored through five torturous innings before giving up a three-run homer to Colby Rasmus, and Ryota Igarashi gave up a two-run homer to Ryan Ludwick on the first pitch he threw. Wainwright finished what he started, pitching a complete game on approximately 17 pitches.

Parallel Universe Fake Mets record: 2-10

Real Mets record: 4-8

Baseball

Scratchbomb’s Thoroughly Compromised 2010 MLB Preview: NL Central

harrycaray.jpgCHICAGO CUBS

2009 record: 83-78

Local weather: If you don’t like it, just wait a minute!* (* joke stolen from your grampa)

Namesake: The smaller partner in a “bear” relationship

Has it really been 102 years since they won a World Series?: Yes, but some days it only feels like 75.

Perpetually overused team-related headline: Lovable Losers. How many losers have you known that were lovable? Most losers are bitter, sour human beings.

Best name on 40-man roster: Esmailin Caridad, because when you’re Esmailin, the whole world esmailes with you.

The That Guy’s on This Team? Award: Kevin Millar. Or as he used to be known by guys named Sully, MILLAHHHHHH!

Spring standout: Youngster Tyler Colvin, who’s not only batting .468, but is also not a pitcher, so he can’t have a Kerry Wood/Mark Prior-style flameout.

Probable Opening Day starter: Carlos Zambrano, provided he doesn’t get into a scrape with a Gatorade cooler first.

Biggest question for 2010: In what ways will the fates cruelly toy with this team this season?

Advantage to start the season: Arctic conditions will adversely affect visiting teams who have not brought their own Sherpas.

Semi-serious assessment: Only the total shitshow that was the 2009 Mets prevented the Cubs from being the most disappointing team in baseball last season. I would expect them to improve, but they’re also relying on a number of players who’ve been hurt off and on the past few seasons (Zambrano, Derrek Lee, Alfonso Soriano, Aramis Ramirez). I could see the Cubs finishing anywhere on the continuum of success. Except winning the World Series, of course. That will never, ever happen. Ever.
Continue reading Scratchbomb’s Thoroughly Compromised 2010 MLB Preview: NL Central →

1999 Project

1999 Project: Games 123-128

Click here for an intro/manifesto on The 1999 Project.

mcgwire_milk.jpgAugust 21, 1999: Mets 7, Cardinals 4

A six-game homestand for the Mets began with a rainout, which necessitated a doubleheader against the Cardinals. The inclement weather prompted Bobby Valentine to reorder his starting rotation. Orel Hershiser was set to start the series opener, but after warming up before a game that was never played, he would instead pitch in game two of the twinbill.

Meanwhile, the Braves won both of their games while the Mets were idle, meaning the two teams were once again tied for first. That made this a big homestand for the Mets, and not just because The Mark McGwire Show was in town.

Kenny Rogers started the first game of the series and did not fare well. He loaded the bases in the top of the first on two singles and a walk, then gave up a two-RBI single to future Met Fernando Tatis. Mike Piazza responded with a three-run homer in the bottom half, but Rogers couldn’t hold on to the lead, giving up three straight hits and a sac fly in the top of the third to put the Cards back on top, 4-3. Rogers was done after three innings, and was later revealed to be suffering from back spasms.

Once again, long man Pat Mahomes came to the rescue, throwing 3 1/3 scoreless, hitless innings that allowed the Mets to come back. They scratched out a run in the bottom of the third on a Shawon Dunston groundout to tie the game, then went ahead on a Rickey Henderson RBI single in the sixth. Two runs in the eighth (coming on another Dunston RBI groundout and a Benny Agbayani RBI single) padded their lead.

After Mahomes issued a one-out walk to J.D. Drew in the top of the seventh, Valentine turned to Turk Wendell to get McGwire out. No one seemed to know why, but Wendell was kryptonite for McGwire; he’d faced Big Mac six previous times and retired him in each instance. Despite a wild pitch that moved Drew to second, Wendell struck out McGwire to extend his history of inexplicable success against him.

He also worked around a one-out single to pitch a scoreless eighth inning. Armando Benitez closed out the game in style by striking out the side in order. The victory helped the Mets keep pace with Atlanta, who beat the Padres that day.

Continue reading 1999 Project: Games 123-128 →