Jorge, honey? Can I come in?
No.C’mon, I know you’re upset about the new batting order…I don’t wanna hit ninth!Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do. That’s part of growing up.I’m a good hitter!Of course you are! You’re still a better hitter than 99 percent of all the people in the world. You’re just not as good as the rest of our lineup or bench, or a sizable portion of our minor league system.It’s not fair!No, it is fair. It’s the definition of fair. What’s not fair is making you bat in front of people who are still good at baseball. Do you want Robinson Cano to hit ninth? How about Mark Teixeira?I don’t care, I don’t wanna hit ninth.What are you going to do, quit?
Maybe I will.
Maybe you could do that. And maybe I could tell everyone what a baby you’re being and embarrass you in front of the entire NY press corps and all your classmates.Why would you do that?!Because I love you and want what’s best for you, sweetie! But if you won’t toughen up, I have to what’s best for the rest of the family. Now since you’re quitting, let me just get out my phone and call up Bill Madden. He’s gonna wanna hear all about this…No, don’t do that! I’ll look like an asshole!Remember what I always say: only you can make you look an asshole.*sigh* Fine. I’ll hit ninth.And?And pinch hit.That’s my little slugger. C’mere, gimme a hug.
HA HA, YOU GOT IN TROUBLE.Hank, leave your big brother alone!
Tag Archives: brian cashman
Joe Torre Has Nothing to Do With Joe Torre
Brian, I wanted to call you and clear the air about those book excerpts that have been leaked. The co-writer and I, we employed a literary device called The Third Person. So you see, that’s not me talking in those excerpts; it’s Joe Torre. 
But you are Joe Torre.
No, I’m me. Unless I’m someone other than me, in which case I would be you.
Those are just pronouns, Joe. It doesn’t change the fact that you wrote some pretty awful things in your book.
No, Tom Verducci explained this to me. He’s a writer and he knows all about this kinda stuff. I didn’t write those horrible things, Joe Torre did. Me, I’m just a palooka from Brooklyn who wanted to be a big league manager some day. I’m a good egg, see? But that Joe Torre fella, he’s a real dick. Between you and me, I wouldn’t trust the guy farther than I could throw him.