Do you hear those insolent fans, Yadier?
Yes, sire. I believe that’s the local custom of “giving you the business.”
I care not a whit for what these barbarians call it in their vulgar dialect. They’re mocking me, Yadier. Me! Would you not say that the Cardinals play the game of baseball the way t’was intended to be played?
No one would dare say otherwise, sire.
And would you also not say that baseball is the Good Lord’s game?
Certainly, sire.
Of course you would. Therefore, it follows that the Almighty has appointed me to rule these Cardinals. To stand for such insolence against me would be to mock His Divine Will. And that I cannot brook! Instruct the pitcher to hurl the sphere toward one of their beloved favorites.
Certainly, sire. I will command him to dent Ryan Braun’s upper back. Will that be all?
Continue reading Tony LaRussa Shall Not Be Mocked
Tag Archives: brewers
Coming this Summer: Lesbian Grandma, Starring Pete Rose
Just in case you missed it, the highlight of MLB’s Opening Day was Pete Rose showing up at the Brewers-Reds game in Cincinnati. Or more specifically, that he raided your grandma’s closet before going to it.
Hundred bucks says there’s an 8-ball on the back of that jacket. Pete would take that bet.
Scratchbomb’s Thoroughly Compromised 2011 MLB Preview: NL Central
CHICAGO CUBS
2010 record: 75-87
Biggest offseason acquisition: Matt Garza, who, along with Carlos Zambrano, could give the Cubs the angriest 1-2 pitchers in baseball.
Biggest offseason loss: Tom Gorzellany, on purely technical grounds.
Is this the year that the Cubs…: Whatever you were going to say, no.
Best name on 40-man roster: Welington Castillo, Dominican duke.
The That Guy’s on This Team? Award: Kerry Wood, whose presence here seems more weird than it should.
Spring standout: Last year’s star callup Starlin Castro has 12 RBIs and 4 home runs, which can only mean his untimely demise is imminent.
Probable Opening Day starter: I’m sure Zambrano has already made it abundantly clear to Mike Quade that he will start on Opening Day.
Biggest question for 2011: Has Alfonso Soriano been so underwhelming for so long he’s come all the way back around to being underrated?
Strengths: Idyllic ballpark with laissez faire attitude toward the wearing of shirts
Weaknesses: The oppressive weight of history
Semi-serious assessment: The Cubs are a little better than I first thought before taking a closer look at their lineup. Carlos Pena is a good fit for Wrigley, and Garza should fare well in the National League. I don’t know if it adds up to contending per se, but I think they’ll enjoy a solid season of not completely sucking.
Continue reading Scratchbomb’s Thoroughly Compromised 2011 MLB Preview: NL Central