For previous Inappropriate Walk Up Music posts, click here.
Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up
music.
These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.
Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:
* “Dark Entries”, Bauhaus
Suggested by The Wife. I like this because it actually sounds like it might be a rockin’ walk up tune. But it’s ultimately inappropriate because, duh, it’s Bauhaus. Unless there’s a contingent of major league Goths I’m unaware of.
Speaking of which, I recently heard Bauhaus covering “Ziggy Stardust”. Holy crap, did that suck. I don’t know what Bowie song they should cover, but that ain’t it.
Speaking of which further, I swear on the holy book of your choice that I have a tape of a Jean Shepherd show from 1960 in which Shep describes secretly following around a young woman graffiti artist as she defaces various subway ads. And on one, she scrawls BELA LUGOSI IS DEAD. This blew my mind. Did some Goth chick travel back in time to profess her love for Peter Murphy on the A train?
* “You’re the One for Me, Fatty”, Morrissey
Also (partially) inspired by The Wife. She suggested “Tomorrow”, but I thought this was a better cut off of Your Arsenal. I love that the relative girth of the singer’s beloved is not mentioned at all except in the one titular line of the chorus. It almost has nothing to do with the song, and let the childish ludicrousness of it hangs over the song, even when the line is not being sung.
* “Send Me an Angel”, Real Life
The sad thing is, I can see a team using this song in some capacity. In fact, I remember last April, with Moises Alou hurt (surprise surprise), the Mets leaned pretty heavily on Angel Pagan. There was one early game against the Phillies where Pagan knocked in the walk-off run in the bottom of the 12th, and the scoreboard flashed SEND US AN ANGEL! Thankfully, they didn’t play this song.